NEW YEARS MUSIC

When it comes to New Years I'm torn between two musical traditions. One is British and  patriotic, the other has to do with American party music. It's an odd mixture, I admit, but there it is. I'll put up both types of songs and hope the incongruity won't cause pain.

That's "Rule Britannia" above. I love the line, "Britons never ever ever shall be slaves!"



Clara Butt (yes, that's her real name) recorded this version of "Land of Hope and Glory" in 1911. She had a matronly voice, a bit like Margaret Dumont's, but her version of this song is outstanding.



Lots of people prefer Vera Lynn's version of the same song (above). She's brilliant here.



Now for the dance music! Above, Toni Basil's version of the classic dance song, "Mickey."


Here's the ultra-danceable, ultra-bubble gum "Barbie Girl." YouTube is full of parodies of this.


Remember this (above)? Whatever happened to these girls?



Ah, "The Percolator." I sing this to myself sometimes when I'm raking the back yard.



Oh man, I wish I could do this!

AFTER CHRISTMAS

I'm writing this while half asleep so forgive me if it doesn't all make sense.

With my entire family away for the holiday the tasks I set for myself this Christmas were 1) to get story ideas by experiencing loneliness, and 2) to hang out with bachelors and report on the sucky way that I imagined they spend Christmas.

None of that panned out. Friends saw to it that I was never lonely and I discovered that there's a lively bachelor network that takes good care of its own, even on a family-biased holiday like Christmas. Well, live and learn.

Thanks to a friend I did manage to find out about a tradition I didn't know was so widely practiced..."regifting." Some people find themselves with no money at all on Christmas and they get around that by regifting, meaning that they mostly give each other presents that they'd received from each other in former years and promptly put away in the closet and forgot.  Apparently this works fine. The gift you give that's not appreciated is sometimes one you'd liked to have gotten yourself. Re-gifting means you finally get that cool present...it's yours now. Regifters are delighted with their presents and didn't feel much cheated.

Ah, but I do miss my family. None of them will let me talk about them here, which is a shame. I feel priviledged to know each one of them. You'd like them if you could meet them.

I also miss the philosophical discussions we always had during the Christmas season.  Christmas is all about trying to see the best in other people. Democracy preceded Christianity, but it's difficult to see how it could have evolved the way it did, with its emphasis on liberty and a free press, without the benign view of human nature found in Christian philosophy.

Geez, that kid in the picture above cleaned up! What a stash!

And Christmas music...it was nice to be reminded all over again how powerful and moving it is. Geez, people in previous times must have been very attached to that holiday.

And Santa Clause and gift giving....those are genius ideas! The argument that Christmas is too commercial seems unconvincing to me. It certainly can become too commercial, but taken in the right proportion it fits right in to the traditional mood. It makes a sentimental and thought provoking holiday fun and magical as well as satisfying. I love the excruciating suspense that builds up to December 25th.

MY DECEMBER 26TH

I was at Mike's house today and he let me take some photos of his toys. Here's some bar displays from the 50s and 60s.

This (above) is a swizzle stick holder. It was a nice, understated way to to reinforce the the beer's TV ads.

The Blatz people were especially good  especially good at this sort of thing. I think the guy with the bottle with body appeared in TV ads.

Very nice! Are these salt and pepper shakers?

Funny porcelain was everywhere in the late 50s. Why don't we have things like this today?

These Beaky Buzzard plush toys were selling several years ago at the Warners mall stores. If only I'd known!

Mike actually designed this doll (above)!

After watching a film at Mike's it was off to John's to see Auralynn's Christmas presents (above). Here they are: stand ups of...well, I don't want to spoil the surprise. John and Auralynn will no doubt have more to say about this on their sites.

ON CHRISTMAS EVE

I've always wondered what bachelors did on Christmas. If you don't have a family of your own, and your parents live far away, what do you do on...that night...Christmas Eve?

I guess you hang out with other bachelors, but what if there are no other bachelors? There's bound to be Christmas Eves where your bachelor friends are all inaccessible.

I'm about to find out because at the last minute my kids were prevented from visiting, and my wife is out of town. I've never, not even once, had to deal with something like this. In a whole lifetime it'll be my first Christmas alone. I'll have to be here by myself....just me...tossing playing cards into a hat.

But don't feel sorry for me. To tell you the truth, I'm thrilled to be going through this. The writer in me tells me that experiences like this are golden. The sting of loneliness is more than made up for by the treasure trove of lonely bachelor ideas I'll probably get.

The problem is that good friends heard about my problem and called to invite me to share their family Christmases. That's wonderful...I'm lucky to have friends like that...but they don't realize that this is my time to be exiled in the desert, my time to suffer. They say you'll never be a first-rate artist until you've suffered. How do I explain to my friends that I can't agonize over the sting of rejection while they're being nice to me?

I'll have to figure out what to do about this, but in the meantime I'm going to the mall to see if I can get some pictures of angry shoppers.

UPDATE: I just returned home from a night of partying. There goes my resolve to suffer. Thanks to friends I'm doomed to be a shallow man, someone who's never been purified by the chastening fires of rejection.

MIKE'S FAVORITE CHRISTMAS SONGS

Mike came up with a pretty impressive Christmas list of his own, which is too good to keep to myself. Here's what the man will be listening to over the next few days.



















Nice, huh?

STILL MORE CHRISTMAS MUSIC

'More great Christmas music and a few photos at the end.

Here are some pictures from last night's Christmas party at John's. I can't show any of the wide shots I took because so many people didn't want to appear on the net, not even as vague blurs in the background.

That's Jo Jo and Auralynn above.

Here's (above) Mike Kazallah.

That's (above) Sierra, who who might be a little mad at me for taking a picture without warning. I'm regarded as a pest when I have my camera out.

There's Sandra in the middle!

Above, Auralynn again, this time with Jim Smith. Thank goodness for miniskirts!

 Holy Cow! Sean looks like the picture on the famous cough drop box!

This (above) is me eating cheese puffs, which is one reason I haven't been asked to star in any action/adventure movies lately. Auralynn took the picture.

*Sigh!* Good 'ol Christmas!

MORE CLASSIC CHRISTMAS SONGS

This (above) isn't a traditional Christmas song, but maybe it should be. Earlier peppy versions recorded when Dietrich was younger can be found, but this slow and throaty one from 1954 is full of experience and wisdom and conveys the meaning best in my opinion.



O'Connor's is the best modern version that I've heard. See if you agree.



This version (above) of Drummer Boy got so much radio play when it came out, that some people from that era can't bear to hear it any more. I think it still holds up.



 Jonathan Antoine (above)...I never heard of him before I discovered him accidentally this morning. He's so awkward-looking that I thought the video must be a joke before I played it. Now I have played it and, believe me, this guy is no joke. He's rough around the edges, but he'll be a household name in a few years, wait and see.



I post this every year at Christmas, and will probably do the same thing next year. It's great, isn't it?

SOME OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONGS

Here's (above) a terrific version of "O Holy Night" but you may have to push a "Watch on YouTube" link to see it.

This song reminds me that Christmas is the ultimate philosopher's holiday. This is a day and a season that means something, that condenses two thousand years of thought and experience into a celebration that transmits some of the best ideas of Western Civilization.



This video (above) contains two songs, but the first is the one that interests me. It's amazing that a delicate song like "Silent Night" would work so well on a tin mechanical device that could fit into a jewelry box.



"Ave Maria" is an interesting song. It's full of opportunities for virtuoso singers to show what they can do, yet it's only satisfying when it's entirely devoid of egotism.



This version of "Jingle Bells" (above) is great, but it'll probably vanish in a few days. Sony won't allow it to stay up very long.

In my opinion Jingle Bells is the best of all secular Christmas songs. Who'd have thought that a song about the thrill of a sleigh ride, something that few living people have ever experienced, would make a good subject for a song?



From Phil Spectre's Christmas album, the Ronettes (above). Poor Spectre. He had a lot of talent before he snapped.

THE CHRISTMAS CAROL (ABRIDGED)

EXT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE: ORPHANS SING CHRISTMAS CAROLS ON THE CORNER.

SCROOGE: "Beat it! SCRAM! Amscray!"

THE ORPHAN GIRL RUNS BACK, BITES SCROOGE'S HAND.

INT. SCROOGE'S OFFICE:

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "Mr. Scrooge, how are you?"

SCROOGE: "I'll be better after I soak my hand. What do you want?"

CHARITY COLLECTOR: "We're here to collect for the poor. It's that time of year  when want is sorely felt. We figure a gift of...oooh...10 pounds should do it."

SCROOGE: Ten pounds!? Are you nuts!!? Are there no workhouses? No treadmills? Get out! GET OUT!" 

NO SOONER DO THE TWO COLLECTORS EXIT,  THAN TWO MORE STEP INSIDE....

SCROOGE: "NO!!!!!!!"

....AND THEN WALK RIGHT STRAIGHT OUT AGAIN.

SCROOGE'S NEPHEW BURSTS IN:

NEPHEW: "Uncle Scrooge! I came to wish you a Merry Christmas!!!"

SLAP! SLAP!

NEPHEW: "How the heck are ya, Uncle? How the heck are ya'?"

NEPHEW: "Um...er...I don't suppose you could lend me a couple of pounds? I want to get a present for my...."

SCROOGE: "Go away. Just go away!"

THE NEPHEW EXITS.

SCROOGE (TO HIS CAT): "How are you, Bootsie? You don't want anything, do you?"

SCROOGE'S CAT BEGS WORDLESSLY FOR MORE FISH HEADS.

SCROOGE: "Bowser?"

HIS DOG BEGS FOR A BIGGER BONE.

THE GOLDFISH BEGS FOR MORE TURTLE FOOD.

SCROOGE: "Humbug! I can't get any work done here!"

SCROOGE: "Cratchet, you should count yourself lucky. You live in a miserable hovel, you eat rats just to get a little protein, but at least your little crippled boy, Tiny Tim, has a level head. He's not interested in baubles and toys like the rest of these ninnies."

  

ON TINY TIM, LOOKING IN A TOY STORE WINDOW:

HE IS DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN BAUBLES AND TOYS!

CRATCHET: "UM, Mr. Scrooge....er, could you see your way to lending me a pound or two so the family can buy presents for...."

SCROOGE: "Nnnno!"

ON THE STREET: SCROOGE WALKS HOME:

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS: "Spare change?" "Brother, can you spare a pence?" "C'mon...just a ha'penny!" "Spread a little lovin.' "

SCROOGE: "No! No! Nada! Zip! Nein!"

CROWD OF PANHANDLERS (CONT): " 'Spare a farthing?" Two pence is all I ask!" Spare change?" "Don't be a tightwad!" "Let's have it, ya old miser!

SCROOGE: "NO! Nope! Not a chance! Naah! Uh-uh! No!"

BLIND BEGGER: "Buddy, can you spare a......"

SCROOGE: "NO-O-O-O!!!!!!!!!!"

SCROOGE APPROACHES HIS HOME....

....TAKES OUT HIS KEYS....

MARLEY (GHOST-LIKE) (VO): "S c r o o o o o o o g e!"

ON THE DOOR KNOCKER:

MARLEY'S FACE APPEARS:

MARLEY (WAILS LIKE A GHOST): "S C R O O O O O G E!!!!!"

MARLEY (VOICE CHANGE): "Scrooge, how's about slipping me a pound or two? It's Christmas and I just wanna buy a few presents for the other ghosts. Nothing fancy, just..........."


*******************************************************************


Aaaaargh! I goofed up the whole story! It could have been a lot funnier.  I just didn't have time to do it right. There's so much to do in the week before Christmas! *Sigh!*