THE CAR OF THE FUTURE

In a minute I'll reveal to you the design that the auto industry has obviously picked for the official design motif of the future. 

I have to caution you not to make cat calls or stomp on the floor if you discover that your favorite design wasn't chosen. This is a dignified presentation that showcases the talent and wisdom of the best automotive minds of our time. By our good behavior, let us show our gratitude to them for sharing with us.

Among the readers who may be disappointed are the tail fin afficianados. 

As a Wally Wood fan I myself fall into that category. Wood defined the future for me, and it included cars that looked like rockets. Woodians like me believe that everything needs tail fins, even a glass of milk.

I have to say though, that I wouldn't have been disappointed if the winner had been the aerodynamic bedroom slipper look that's been around since "Blade Runner." You can't deny this look has plenty of cool factor. 

Steam Punk fans no doubt would have preferred the Batmobile look. That wouldn't have been a bad choice either...hey, I love Batman!

But...the car makers have made their final decision and it doesn't include tail fins, aerodynamics, or the Batmobile look.

The car of the future won't look like a rocket, a slipper, or something Captain Nemo would have driven.

It's time to reveal what it will look like....

....are you ready for this?....

It'll look like (drumroll, please)....

.....like.........

....like.......

....like.........

....like.....

...like a KLEENEX BOX!

There it is, in all its stupid splendor! It's interesting, isn't it? It kinda makes you want to pull a Kleenex out of the top and blow your nose, doesn't it? 

All the big companies have versions of the Kleenex box: Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Kia and even Chevrolet. They have numerical model names like: The BB and the Xs. I suggest names like The Blandie, The Ugletta, and The Stupido.

What imaginative shapes! What bold, romantic detailing!

For those seeking an upscale Kleenex Box there's the VIP model of the Nissan Cube. What luxury! Our cups truly runneth over!

The fashion industry has already supplied us with the ideal wear (above) for the driver of such a car. 

Will the box justify the Kleenex peoples' expectations? Probably...there's a kazillion boxy cars on the street right now, and the number grows every day. There is a competing trend, though. That's the tiger-eyed, snub-nosed, bulldozer front that you see on some cars now. It takes getting used to, but I think some will prefer it to the box. 

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To The G.I.s in Iraq and Afghanistan.......Happy Fourth of July, and thanks for sacrificing so that people like me can be free! 

A NEW KIND OF CAR!

Here's a Japanese concept car that I think would sweep the American market if it ever sold here. It's the Nissan Pivo 2, unveiled at last year's Tokyo Motor Show.



The wheels work independently, making parallel parking a breeze. You just pull up to the space you want to park in, change the direction of the wheels, and glide in. The whole passenger pod can turn 360 degrees, so you can face the space you're moving into, even if the rest of the body is facing the other way. An earlier version of the Pivo could lean backward and forward as it turned. It's easy to imagine a later version making sudden, quirky changes of direction, like a family pet.



But there's more! The car features a movable robot head that that talks to you, suggests alternative routes, tells jokes, tells you what needs fixing and what groceries you wanted to buy, and watches to see if you're dozing off so it can wake you. It contains facial recognition software so it'll recognize and talk to your friends, too.

If you were to approach the locked car from the outside, and click your key chain beeper to unlock it, the passenger pod might revolve to face you, and maybe even lean toward you a little and appear to pant. The friendly robot head would track you and flash a smile, as if it was thrilled to see you.

Do you see what I'm getting at? The entire car, not just the robot head, is a kind of pet. You develop an affection for it. That's a bold, new idea...a car that elicits emotional attachment from the owner. I predict Nissan is going to make a lot of money with this! Why didn't Americans think of this? Where was General Motors?

Don't expect to see it on the road for another five or six years. The car runs on lithium batteries, which aren't practical yet, and it has a top speed of only 60 miles an hour.  And there's safety issues. That's OK, it'll be worth the wait. Imagine what the robot'll be able to do five years from now! You'll be able to have conversations with it!