Wednesday, July 03, 2013

THE CAR OF THE FUTURE

In a minute I'll reveal to you the design that the auto industry has obviously picked for the official design motif of the future. 

I have to caution you not to make cat calls or stomp on the floor if you discover that your favorite design wasn't chosen. This is a dignified presentation that showcases the talent and wisdom of the best automotive minds of our time. By our good behavior, let us show our gratitude to them for sharing with us.


Among the readers who may be disappointed are the tail fin afficianados. 


As a Wally Wood fan I myself fall into that category. Wood defined the future for me, and it included cars that looked like rockets. Woodians like me believe that everything needs tail fins, even a glass of milk.

I have to say though, that I wouldn't have been disappointed if the winner had been the aerodynamic bedroom slipper look that's been around since "Blade Runner." You can't deny this look has plenty of cool factor. 


Steam Punk fans no doubt would have preferred the Batmobile look. That wouldn't have been a bad choice either...hey, I love Batman!

But...the car makers have made their final decision and it doesn't include tail fins, aerodynamics, or the Batmobile look.


The car of the future won't look like a rocket, a slipper, or something Captain Nemo would have driven.

It's time to reveal what it will look like....





....are you ready for this?....





It'll look like (drumroll, please)....



.....like.........



....like.......



....like.........



....like.....




...like a KLEENEX BOX!


There it is, in all its stupid splendor! It's interesting, isn't it? It kinda makes you want to pull a Kleenex out of the top and blow your nose, doesn't it? 


All the big companies have versions of the Kleenex box: Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Kia and even Chevrolet. They have numerical model names like: The BB and the Xs. I suggest names like The Blandie, The Ugletta, and The Stupido.


What imaginative shapes! What bold, romantic detailing!



For those seeking an upscale Kleenex Box there's the VIP model of the Nissan Cube. What luxury! Our cups truly runneth over!


The fashion industry has already supplied us with the ideal wear (above) for the driver of such a car. 



Will the box justify the Kleenex peoples' expectations? Probably...there's a kazillion boxy cars on the street right now, and the number grows every day. There is a competing trend, though. That's the tiger-eyed, snub-nosed, bulldozer front that you see on some cars now. It takes getting used to, but I think some will prefer it to the box. 


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To The G.I.s in Iraq and Afghanistan.......Happy Fourth of July, and thanks for sacrificing so that people like me can be free! 

6 comments:

Roberto Severino said...

Boxy looking cars! Who would have known? The future is already here as we speak. I think the Prius and Tesla cars will start to become more popular in the future, though Tesla models tend to be very expensive.

Joshua Marchant (Scrawnycartoons) said...

My dad has almost that exact model! The one you poetically described: " What imaginative shapes! What romantic detailing!"

It's pretty enormous and turns like a battleship. Not super practical.

Meanwhile I'm learning to drive in my Grandads car which was moderne when he bought it in the '70s but is now almost antique! Not that I'm complaining. It looks a lot more stylish than the block-mo-bile.

GW said...

It seems in hindsight like a natural progression from an aesthetic perspective. It's the reemergence of the boxy vehicle within a more diversified automobile industry that uses curvier forms.

Joel Brinkerhoff said...

All those years of aerodynamics thrown out the window. How can these be fuel efficient?

Mattieshoe said...

Unfortunately it looks like Mike Judge's Idiocracy really is becoming further realized with each passing year.

kurtwil said...

Actually, the boxy vehicles shown aren't selling as well as they once did. Millennials appear to like racier shapes, and have a secret fondness for rear wheel drive, if they can find affordable cars with it.

Anyone here remember the Chrysler Turbine cars? Only 50 were made for in house use/driving and Amazing vehicle for its era!