EXT. UNCLE EDDIE'S HOUSE:
EDDIE: "Hey, it's me!!! We're having a family reunion at my house and you're invited! Just get in line and c'mon in!!!!!!"
EDDIE GREETS EVERYBODY AT THE DOOR:
EDDIE: "Aunt Matilda! How are you!!?? Uncle Fred! Long time, no see!!!, etc."
INSIDE:
EDDIE (VO): "Hey, what can I get you guys? Coke? Coffee? Tea? Juice? Water?"
AUNT MATILDA: "I'll have coconut water with radish blush sweetened with agave nectar. It must be no-carb, gluten-free, non-dairy and wafted with acai fumes and currant mist...the kind that comes in the peasant-woven basket."
EDDIE (VO): Well gee Aunt Matilda, I don't know if I....."
COUSIN LENNIE: "Hey, I found the liquor cabinet! Wahoooo!!!!!!"
EDDIE (VO) (TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT): "Hey everybody, look! It's Cousin Violet's new baby!!!!"
CROWD: "Awwwww! Isn't he adorable!?"
COUSIN PERCY: "And here's my new addition!"
CROWD: "Aaaaawwww!!!!!!!! Look at her! She's sooooo cute!"
COUSIN ROCHESTER: "Hey, get some pictures of my dog, Cuddles!"
CROWD: Nice dog, Cousin Rochester! He's so friendly!"
COUSIN ROCHESTER: "Yeah, go ahead and pet him! He loves people!"
INSIDE, LATER:
EDDIE: "Cousin Daisy, how's that kleptomania therapy coming along?"
COUSIN DAISY: "Er, uh....fine Eddie, just fine."
ON PEOPLE LINED UP FOR THE BATHROOM:
COUSIN IRIS: "Cousin Gladys! Are you taking root in there?"
COUSIN CHARLIE: "We're not fighting, we're jush fooling around."
COUSIN LUKE: "Yeah. Don't take it sho seriously!"
5 MINUTES LATER: THE FAKE FIGHT HAS ERUPTED INTO A RIOT.
COUSIN CHARLIE: "You X#%@X#! I'll rip your face off!!!!
COUSIN LUKE: "Not before I tear out your jugular, moron!!!"
COUSIN JAKE: "'Pool's ready! Last one in is a rotten egg!"
SPLASH! SPLASH! EVERYBODY JUMPS IN.
EVERYBODY: "Hey, watch it, that's my foot." "Oh my Gawd! Is that an eye on my elbow?"
EDDIE : "Dinner's ready!"
CROWD: CHOMP! CHOMP! KARUMP! CHOMP! BITE! GNAW!
CROWD: "CHAW! MANGLE! STUFF! CRUNCH!
LATER THAT NIGHT: (HUGE SNORES ALL OVER THE HOUSE).
(HUGE SNORES CONTINUE)
EARLY NEXT MORNING:
EDDIE: "AUNT MATILDA!!!!! Is that.....you!?"
EVERYBODY: "Well, that's it Cousin Eddie! We gotta go! See ya next year!"
EDDIE: "See ya guys! Gee, I'm gonna miss you!"
COUSIN ROCHESTER: "C'mon! C'mon! Stop dragging!"
COUSIN JIMMY (ROCHESTER'S SON): "I don't wanna go! I don't wanna go!"
COUSIN ROCHESTER: "Okay, we're all packed! Hey, wait a minute. Where's Cuddles?"
EDDIE: "(Screams) HELP!!! HELP!!!!!!!!"
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