IDEAS FOR HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS

I'll get to the decorations in a minute. First, check out this (above) painting. It's huge, isn't it!? I shrunk my sidebar to make room for it, and it still won't fit! Click to enlarge to see the whole thing. Haw! I pity people who are viewing this on a cel phone!

BTW: Is this Dan Krall's work?

Awwww...that's (above) one cute kid, no doubt about it!

I stocked up on Halloween candy early this year, and I did what I always did and began nibbling as soon as I got it home. I hope there'll be some left for the kids. I could ask my family to hide it from me, but that probably wouldn't help. I know all their hiding places.

I'd be getting a late start, but I'm tempted to put big versions of masks like these on my front porch for Halloween. Aaaargh! I wonder if I have enough cardboard?

Is that (above) a mask? I mean a mask you can buy? If so, it's pretty well done. Of course I collect funny masks, not serious ones.

This artist (above) is terrific! It looks like he draws with a "6H" pencil, but he succeeds in creating a mood. 

  

Okay, about decorating....cheap rubber masks make great porch decorations. Even when they're old and falling apart, you can still find a use for them. The secret of making masks like these (above) come to life is to repaint them with acrylic paint. Reshape the ones that need it with staples, pins or duct tape, and replace the existing eyes with ping pong balls.  

  

Old kids book illustrators pulled no punches, as you can see above. Hideous deaths were the standard consequence of crimes like not doing chores. Framed color xeroxes of pictures like this look good around doors...something for Trick or Treaters to look at.

One day I'm going to attempt to make a giant mask like this (above), only more scary. I figure black, bendable foam for the major shapes, and paint for the rest.

It would be easy to make this (above)with boxes and an old, falling-apart mask. I'd put it under the bench by the front door.

An interesting robot design, and it looks easy to reproduce, too. Well, easy if you have enough X%&$@ cardboard! You really need to start collecting boxes for weeks before the holiday. Come to think of it, the design of the guy is pretty good, too. Who drew this?

RAMBLING THOUGHTS ABOUT "NAKED GIRLS READING"

Here's an interesting idea: "Naked Girls Reading." Books and girls...a nice combination, if it can be made to work...but can it?

I wish the girls would read something a little meatier than the books shown on the posters.



When I said "meatier" I was thinking of something like Tennyson but, come to think of it, I'd really like to hear a poem like the one above read naked...wouldn't you? The poem starts 22 seconds into the video.



Nudity would add so much to a reading like the one Edie Adams gives to the lyrics of this song (above).

I'm a big fan of public readings, and I'm always trying to think of a way to make them commercially feasible. In the past actors and writers used to go on the road with shows that consisted entirely of them doing dramatic readings from their favorite books. The public loved them! I'm grasping at straws, I know, but...is there a chance that Naked Girls Reading could help to make that popular again, at least on a very small scale? 

Aaargh! Probably not. 

The problem here is that these girls are all burlesque dancers, and probably aren't very good readers. Even so, with the right director....

Can you sustain a whole show with possibly bad readings? I wonder. Do the readers ever dance while they read? Would more variety in the program help? Even classical burlesque didn't consist of wall to wall girls. They punctuated the girl acts with comedy. 

Apparently Naked Girls Reading is a franchise. The local organizer is a guy named Vlad the Retailer. He has a terrific sign outside his office (above), so you get the feeling that he must know what he's doing.  Vlad's been doing Girls Reading for at least two years now, more if you include possible promotions for similar ideas, like the one below. 

All over the country promoters are trying to bring back burlesque in one form or another. Sometimes they even combine burlesque with professional men's wrestling. I wish them luck, but I don't think it'll happen on a large scale. Burlesque's time has passed. Now, naked literature on the other hand.....

THE BEST HALLOWEEN COSTUME EVER?

It may also be the ugliest. Where on Earth did that guy get a suit like that? And what's it made of? Rubber? Vinyl? It doesn't look very comfortable. It reminds me of the tar ball Moe was trapped in when he floated up to the top of a barn in one of The Three Stooges films.



Thanks to a much appreciated comment from Teki, I now know where these suits come from: a company called Squeak Latex. Check out squeaklatex.com and the YouTube video above.



Here's (above) the Squeak Latex "Blueberry Suit." Amazing!



Probably everybody here has seen this already, but in case you haven't...this is one of the new line of realistic masks put out by Rusty Slussen's SPFX company. The cost? $810, and worth every penny. A bank robber recently robbed five banks with an afroamerican variant of this! Thanks to Patrick Micheal for telling me about it!

There are much better views of the mask on other YouTube videos, but this one shows how quickly the mask comes off, and it's only 20 seconds long.

Man, every year plastic masks look more appealing to me. They're more imaginative than most rubber masks, and they're a heck of a lot cheaper. The problem is that the Golden Age of this sort of thing may already have passed.

I'll have to pay a visit to my local Goth supply store and see what's on the walls this year. I don't think "The Spirit" stores sell these. I wonder why?

Wow! A nifty disguise (above) that you can put into a brief case or a back pack!

A cool wooden mask (above)...from Japan, according to a commenter!

The best thing about kid costumes in a box was always the plastic mask. Nowadays you can buy masks like that without buying the costume. At last! Reason has prevailed!

First dog costumes, now baby costumes like the one above. What next? 

So THAT'S how you make a spider costume (above)! Okay, I get it now!

Anime-style robots (above) look great, if you don't mind walking on stilts.

I don't know about you, but I like to be read to by naked girls. It's this Sunday!

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART III) (FINAL)

JOJO: "Well, here it is, all 367 pounds of it!"

HUNGRY GUESTS: "ME FIRST! NO, ME! GIVE IT HERE!!"

STEVE: "WAIT!!!!! Protocol demands that one who is virtuous and trustworthy sample the meal first so the gods of the dinner table will be satisfied that we gave it our best shot. I nominate Auralynn!"

HUNGRY GUEST: "Er...okay! (Gulp!)"

Auralynn takes a bite. The room goes silent as she carefully chews and swallows. She pauses...almost speaks...then pauses again........then, after the deepest reflection...

AURALYNN: "Yes, Stephen has produced a fine meal."

RELIEVED GUEST: "Thank Heaven! LET'S EAT!"

That did it! Everybody lays into the food.

CHOMP! EAT! RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! 

CHOMP! BITE! CHEW! CHOMP! GRAGGLE!

RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! BITE! CHEW! MANGLE!

 CHEW! SNARSH! BITE!!!

CRUNCH! TEAR! RIP!

MUNCH! BITE! RIP!

SHRUMP! BITE! CRUNCH!

SLASH! BITE! MUNCH!!!

LATER....

ALL: (COLLECTIVE GROAN!)

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.
- - - Edward Lear


BTW: That great picture of Steve holding the kebabs close to his face in Part I was taken by Auralynn.


 

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART II)

INT. STEVE'S KITCHEN:

STEVE: "I already put together the kebabs. Lots of good marinated chicken breasts on 'em. I'll show you in a minute. Right now we're going to make the side dishes: zucchini, cucumbers, eggplant and corn.  We slice them lengthwise then give them a nice rub with olive oil, garlic, pepper, and fresh red basil."

EDDIE: "Are you really going to use that much garlic?"

STEVE: "Yes, absolutely! Listen, you can never have too much garlic! That makes everything taste good! You'd eat your own foot if it was covered with that stuff!"

STEVE: "See, what you want to do with garlic and olive oil is marinate yourself from the inside. It's what W. C. Fields meant when he said that he never drinks water because it makes the insides rusty. Booze on the other hand, makes the insides nice and smooth, at least that's what Fields believed. That's the way I feel about garlic and oil."

AURALYNN: "Stephen, What is that brown, mushy...stuff?"

STEVE: "That goo? That's marinated ground chicken from the Armenian market! The regular chicken is on the kebabs. The ground chicken is something different. I thought I'd give it a try!

Oh yes, I put some Gazpacho on the top of it! That's a kind of homemade vegetable soup that you normally eat cold. I had some left over in the refrigerator, so I thought I'd pour some on. I like to experiment!"

EDDIE: "I thought ground meat was supposed to look like worms."

STEVE: "It usually does, but the marinade made it lose it's shape. Don't worry...that probably won't affect the taste! Anyway, here's the kebabs and the wrapped-in-foil side dishes, all ready to cook! Nice, huh?"

EXT. STEVE'S BACKYARD:

STEVE: "Okay, here's the meat on the barbecue. I grill it directly over the two center flames for a short time to sear it. That'll create a skin that'll lock in the juices."

STEVE: Note the two pans of water. That's to keep the food moist when we put the cover down and barbecue. Today I'm only using water, but normally I'd use chicken broth, orange juice, wine, or even beef or chicken stock. I use water this time because the Armenian marinated chicken is already perfect the way it is, and doesn't need flavor enhancements."

  

EDDIE: "Don't the words 'grilling' and 'barbecue' mean the same thing?"

STEVE: "No way! Grilling means the meat is directly over a flame. Barbecuing means the meat is cooked by indirect, radiant heat. I'm about to stop grilling and begin barbecuing now. I'll turn off the middle burners and turn on the side ones. Then I'll put the cover down.

This is the stage where most of the cooking takes place. It'll take a while, and when it's almost done I'll pop up the hood and grill it a short time on the center burners again. That's to sear it again and make sure the juices don't leak out."

EDDIE: "Any other theories?"

STEVE:  "Nope. It's all pretty simple, really. You combine stinky stuff (aromatics like fresh basil, ginger, and garlic), dead stuff (meat), liquids (chicken broth, beer, wine, beef stock), grease (olive oil), and fire (from a barbecue). Do that and you can't go wrong!"

EDDIE: Okay, those are the final words from the man himself! In the interest of objectivity I'll do one more post where Auralynn, JoJo, Alex, Steve and I sample what Steve has wrought, and judge him. Don't miss it!"