THE GIRL BODYBUILDER STORY (PART II)

SWARMS OF MUSCLE GIRLS ARRIVE AT THE PARK:

MILDRED: "Okay girls, we're here! He's bound to be around here somewhere!"

MARIGOLD: "Spread out! We'll find him!"

DAISY: "I'll hold back the train so we won't be interrupted!

FERN: "I'll look behind this planter! Nope, he's not here!"

 TULIP: "He's not up this pole!"

LILY: "He's not in this crack!"

ELVIRA: "He's not in this shed, either!

HYACINTH: "Well I don't see him anywhere. 'Looks like he gave us the slip!"

Skulking in the shadow of a wall...it's the gigolo! He just finishes putting on a girl disguise when one of the women sees him. 

VIOLET: "Wait a minute! Who are you!!??"

THE GIGOLO (IN FALSETTO): "Er...hi! Nobody here but us girls!"

GIGOLO: "I'm so glad you're here to protect poor, defenseless women like me from that horrible gigolo."

VIOLET: "Glad to help, m'am! Well, I guess we'll be heading home!"

GIGOLO: "Home, yes...definitely home!"

GIGOLO: "HAW! HAW! Those muscle girls haven't got two brain cells to rub together!"

INGRID: "Wait a minute! How did you know that we were looking for a gigolo!???"

MISSED A DEADLINE!!!!

UNCLE EDDIE'S WIFE: "What's the matter, Dear?"

UNCLE EDDIE: It's the blog. I attempted something difficult, and because of that I won't get the blog up in time. I'll miss a deadline. Everybody'll hate me. 

UNCLE EDDIE'S WIFE: "Oh, I don't think it's all that bad. These are readers who've known you for a long time. Surely they won't hate you just because you're a day late." 

UNCLE EDDIE: "(GROAN!) You don't know them like I do. They've grown to depend on it.  They read it over their morning coffee. When it's not there they...they...well, it gets ugly. Addiction does something to your mind."

UNCLE EDDIE'S WIFE: "What are you going to do?"

UNCLE EDDIE: Do? What can I do? I'll distract them! I'll put up some nifty animation of a sexy walk that my friend Milt Grey just did. Maybe the readers'll see that and forget how much they hate me! If that doesn't work...well, we can always chuck everything and move in with my brother in Arizona."

UNCLE EDDIE'S WIFE: "The one with the goofy children and the dog that hates you?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "The same (GROAN)."

The walk:

WATER DROPS

The Daily Mail recently ran an article about German artist Markus Reugels' high-speed photos (above) of splashing water drops. He uses color filters but claims there's no digital manipulation...these are just the way the camera saw them.

The mushroom top is fairly common, so is the "skirt" around the middle. But where does the skirt come from?

 Sometimes it comes when a double mushroom appears at the top, and the bottom mushroom expands as it's stretched downward.

It explodes and forms a ring. That kind of ring is easy to explain...but not all rings are like that. Some just seem to appear in the middle.

Here's (above) a better picture of the double mushroom top before the bottom mushroom is torn apart. The long stem explodes at the bottom, maybe (I'm guessing) because its in two parts and the top part is collapsing onto the base.

Why all the interest in water drops? Well, for an artist the appeal is obvious, but there's more to it than that. For a physicist the fascinating part comes when the splash debris expands and thins out. There's a point at which purely mechanical effects recede from our attention and you have to wonder if the indirect results of quantum effects are coming into play.

Weird, unearthly shapes (above) appear for an instant. It's hard to account for some of these, but maybe that's because there's so many variables. The artist sometimes used additives like sugar and Rinse All, and who knows what minerals were in the water?

To understand simple splashes we'll need even more improvements in high speed photography. The world of the small is surprisingly strange and unfamiliar. I read somewhere that no one actually understands how things catch fire. So many chemical and state changes take place in a small amount of time that no one can keep track of it all. The author thought that high speed photography might help, but that it would have to be much improved over the current state of the art.

I SAW "ATLAS SHRUGGED!"

Well, I saw Atlas Shrugged and loved it.

I have to be honest and admit that I'm not objective and was predisposed to like the film, almost no matter how it played on the screen. I saw the very first show at 2PM on Friday and the theater was about 20% full, which is good for a matinee, but not what I'd hoped for. The audience had a number of people who might have passed as business magnates, but a much larger number were nerds like myself with iphones and ipads which the manager had to beg us to turn off.

The verdict...it was great! Flawed but great!

I feel silly talking about the flaws. No doubt the filmmaker himself would agree with a lot of the criticisms that are leveled against it. He was a first-time feature director working with a minuscule budget and a sacrosanct script. He did better than most would have under the circumstances, and I'm just amazed that the film turned out as well as it did.

Condensing the first third of Rand's story must have been a nightmare. I'm reminded how awkward Tolstoy's "War and Peace" looked when Hollywood tried to condense it into two hours. A 6 hour (or was it 8?) Russian version done in the 70s made Tolstoy's points a lot better. Hollywood also reduced "Brothers Karamazov" down to two hours, but once again it was much, much too lean. Boy, the great Russian novels don't condense very easily. I hate to say it, but this version of Atlas suffers for the same reason. The story needed more room to breath. It needed to be a miniseries.

No matter. I was ecstatic. For two hours I got to live in a different world, and it was Heaven.

BTW: The film should be in the Landmark Regent for another week at least.

MORE PREDICTIONS OF THE FUTURE

What will the future be like? Fortunately we have a pretty accurate idea based on sketches by artist Wally Wood. In matters of this sort Wood is never wrong.

That's a Wood prediction above. Men will develop giant brains and ride everywhere in jet-propelled wheelchairs. Robot girlfriends will replace real women. It has the ring of truth. Gads! How does Wood do it?

Inspired by Wood, I'll make a few predictions of my own: increasingly intelligent birds will disdain to make strenuous migrations the way their forerunners did. They'll take a plane (above) like everybody else. Actually, some of them do that now.

 Spiders will take up the whole suburban lifestyle, and won't be content to crawl up walls and eat bugs anymore. Probably they never liked bugs, but didn't know what else to eat. Future spiders will indulge in  hamburgers like the rest of us, and drive where ever they need to go.

About the time spiders stop crawling up walls, expect humans to take it up. New advances in body glue will enable us to take shortcuts never thought possible.

 Of course old people will take the same shortcuts, slowing down the wall traffic.

 We may as well be honest, and face up to the fact that not everything in the future will be rosy. Previously law-abiding citizens (above) will be tempted by the glitz of modern life.

 

Animals will become increasingly surly.

Some will be downright rude.

Fortunately when the world becomes too abrasive future man will have the solace of his gadget-filled home...that is, if he can find it.



I'll end with this little gem of a film about office work in the future. I suggest watching only the first 3 1/2 minutes.

BTW: Thanks to Mike Fontanelli for the terrific scans of Wood's futuristic illustrations for "Blobs."

WHAT HAPPENED TO SPACE HELMETS!!!????

When I was a kid everyone was excited about outer space. All of us kids couldn't wait til we grew up and could go to other planets and battle monsters of indescribable ferocity.

Wally Wood nailed it in this picture (above). Every kid had his trusty tricycle and his 

Davy Crockett and Prince Valiant paraphernalia. The only inaccurate thing about this picture is the space helmet.  None of us kids, at least in my area, could lay his hands on one. 

To judge from the media of that era, toy space helmets were common as water....

...even girls had them....but it wasn't true. NOBODY had them!!!

Look at that lucky kid above,  grooving with his new helmet and a pocket full of quarters for the rocket ride. What I think of when I see this picture is, where the heck did he get it? I begged and cried, threw tantrums and fits, and still couldn't get one. I never even saw them in the stores.

My parents said the helmets I saw in magazines were probably specially made for the photographs, but I wasn't buying it. They had the look of mass market toys. See that blow-up plastic ring
(above) around the bottom? That says mass production to me.

I have to face the possibility that my parents lied to me. Maybe parents had a boycott going. It's possible that some psychologist somewhere went on the road with an EC comics-type scenario where a kid falls off his tricycle, causing his helmet to shatter into shards and disfigure him for life. It was the beginning of the age of parental hysteria, egged on by so-called "experts."

I'll bet warehouses were full of unsold space helmets, including the premium "Space Patrol" helmet shown above.  Eventually many tens of thousands of them were probably crushed and used as landfill. I and millions of other kids were left bereft. Now I'm an adult and I stand before you a mental and physical wreck. I sleep in doorways and life is what happens while I await the solace of death and oblivion. Like so many of my generation I was lied to and denied a basic necessity of kid life, and this...this has been the tragic result.

COLOR FOR WEB COMICS

There's some great digital illustrations on the internet. How do you like the terrific example above by Jorge Gutierrez, riffing off a character by Gabe Swarr? Web comics are a different matter. There's some first rate artists and storytellers doing web comics, but at least half of them are still struggling with finding color schemes that work on the computer screen.

The horrible fact is, that the same saturated, digital color that makes illustration look good on screens can be lethal to long-format, comic book-style storytelling.

I envy the old print media cartoonists. Newspapers and comics couldn't reproduce saturated color, so everybody was forced to use something more subdued. It was lucky for them, because faded color didn't compete with the drawings the way saturated color does.

The early days of digital coloring (before Cochran and Gladstone figured out how to do it right) produced some hideous efforts. Here (above) the color dominates the page, not the story, and the graded background give Scrooge's silhouette an eerie glow. Yuck! Some newspaper strips are still colored this way.

A number of digital cartoonists have experimented with updated versions of the old pulp color, including Gene Hole, who did this picture. What do you think? I prefer the older way, though it looks a little old fashioned now.

Some cartoonists darken the lines so the brighter colors won't dominate the characters, and that seems to help.

In my opinion textured backgrounds seem to work for digital storytelling, but not everyone agrees.

John K's color style looks like it would work great for web comics. If ever John ever does a comic just for the internet, and can figure out a way to monetize it, he'll clean up.

In addition to those already credited, thanks to Katie Rice, Luke Cormican,  Michael Sporn and Bill Peckmann. 

"ATLAS SHRUGGED" THE MOVIE IS COMING!

Longtime fans of this site know how much I liked Ayn Rand's book, "Atlas Shrugged." Now it's a movie, coming out on April 15th. Man o man, I'm in Heaven!  I pre-paid for a seat in the very first show. Anyway, that's the trailer, above.

Here's (above) a clip showing steel magnate Rearden coming home to his snooty wife and her loafer friends. When I watch this I can't believe my eyes.  Imagine a film that actually portrays a businessman as a hero rather than a bloodsucker! How delightfully unmodern!

Here (above) the heroine socks it to a corrupt union boss. Me, I like unions, but I don't like guys like this.

It's playing at a few places in the L.A. area. I'm going to see it at The Landmark Regent Theatre (above, on the left) in Westwood. If you've been to Westwood then you probably recognize the street.

The address: The Landmark Regent Theatre/1045 Broxton Ave. /Los Angeles, CA 90024-2803/ (310) 281-8223. I don't know how long the film's going to run, but advance tickets for this theatre can be had via an automated telephone service: 1(877)789MOVIE. The online site says they're not selling advance tickets just now, but that could change.

Parking can be had at public lots and on the street. The garage across from the Regent offers $3 parking after 6PM. Before 6PM the first two hours are free.

Above, a map of Westwood with an arrow indicating the theatre. Get off the 405 at Wilshire East, make for the intersection at Wilshire and Westwood, and head North toward the UCLA campus, into the village.

For those poor souls who are not fortunate enough to live in L.A., here's a site with the name and location of every theatre in the country that's running the film:

http://www.AtlasShruggedPart1.com/theaters#California

JAMES ELLROY: THE SECRET OF HOW HE WRITES

I'm 3/4 of the way through James Ellroy's (that's his picture, above) new book, "The Hilliker Curse," and I'm liking every page. It's probably his best book, and as an added bonus he reveals the secret of how he writes. Hold your hats, because it's not the advice you're probably expecting.

The book is autobiographical. It's about his obsession with the women in his life. He's a famous author, so I imagine that he's had his share of one night stands, but it's the small number of special simpatico women that he obsesses over. He's in love with being in love, and he's not above having an affair behind the back of the woman he's having an affair with.

But I don't mean to trivialize his relationships. He's genuinely in love with these women, and when problems develop, as they always do, it hurts him to the core.  It takes a special kind of woman to put up with Ellroy's craziness. She has to be smart, vulnerable to male charm, sexy in a low key, every day kind of way, tolerant of his crazy, obsessive behavior, and has to be someone he can fantasize about, somebody who stimulates Ellroy to extreme anxiety and crisis, but who is simultaneously soothing and kind.

So where's the advice I mentioned? Well, he doesn't spell it out in so many words, but we can make inferences. Ellroy can write the way he does because he's compulsively driven to put words on paper, because he has a knack for it, and...here's the secret I promised... because his personal life is full of intrigues that inspire the intrigues in his fiction. Falling in love is an adventure, and adventure writers have to have real adventures in order to write.

Does every writer have to be a Don Juan? No, not at all...just the ones with literary pretensions. Ordinary fiction works very well with convention and stereotypes. The literary stuff requires  truckloads of you-are-there details and deep psychological analysis. To be a good literary adventure writer you have to have tortured, literary adventures.

Funny cartoonists reading this are probably wondering if this applies to them. I don't know. I don't think I need too many heavy psychological adventures to learn how to have a character trip on a banana peel. Ellroy's method is still interesting, though.

USEFUL CLIPS ABOUT FILM MAKING

Above and below, some short clips about film making. I wish what Hitchcock was saying here (above) could be tattooed on the arm of every comedy animation writer: technique trumps content. The way something is said is even more important than what is said. That's why animation scripts (when they're needed at all) need to be short. The artist performers need time to create great scenes without the necessity of always rushing ahead to the next plot point.



There really was such a thing as "The Lubitsch Touch." You see it in films like "Shop Around the Corner" and "Trouble in Paradise." I've never heard it explained adequately. but Wilder nails part of it in this (above) clip.



Here (above) Scorsese makes the same point that Hitchcock makes above. What's usually needed is story, not plot.



No surprise here (above). That a film should end with us wanting to see more is obvious, but I would amend the advice to say that a scene (I'm using live action definitions here), sometimes even a shot, should end with us wanting to see more. I wish more was written about setting up shots and scenes with this in mind.

Also I feel silly for saying this, but how do you like Polanski's white shirt and grey jacket? A really good quality white shirt, when it's thick and new and super white and nicely tailored, is a glorious thing to behold.