"OUT OF THE INK BOTTLE"

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "Hmmmm.  I can't think of anything to draw."

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "Wait a minute! Why didn't I think of it before!? I'll let my friend KaKa the Clown out of the ink bottle! He's always good for a laugh!"

MIX FLEISCHMAN: "Let's see......"

SLAM!

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "Oops! Sorry, KaKa! Tell you what: I feel so bad about dropping you, that I'll let you stay out this time! I mean stay out for good! You're a free man!"

MIX FLEISCHMAN: "So what are you going to with your freedom?"

KAKA:  "You mean me, Mr. Fleischman?"

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "Yeah, KaKa, what are your plans?"

KAKA: "Well, Gosh Mr. Fleischman, I hope you won't laugh at me.  You see, I've always wanted to get an education...to make something out of myself."

KAKA (CONT):  "First I'd like to get a liberal arts degree with a major in Theater. Then I'd like to see if one of the big New york acting schools will accept me."

MIX FLEISCHMAN: "Wow, that's very commendable, KaKa!  It sounds like a lot of work, though. Do you think you can handle it?"

KAKA:  "Gee Whiz, Mr. Fleischman...I hope so.  Of course I have to support my mother while I work my way through school, and then there's my church activities, but I figure that if I'm thrifty and work hard then everything will work out alright. "

MIX FLEISCHMAN: "Boy, it sounds like you won't have much time for socializing."

KAKA:  "Socializing!? Gee, Mr. Fleischman, I won't have time to make friends.  'Gotta crack those textbooks every night!"

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "I can help you there, KaKa. What you need is a ready-made friend."

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "KaKa, meet my pal, Betty Bloop!"

KAKA:  "Betty BlooP?...Um, Er....Hi, I guess. Whatever."

KAKA: (Gasp!)

KAKA:  "Wha...wha...what is that...that thing with long hair and BUMPS on its chest?"

MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "Oh, I forgot to tell you. That's a girl. Half the world is girls. "


MIX FLEISCHMAN (V.O.):  "Come to think of it, a serious student like you won't have time for girls.  There's plenty of time for......"



MIX FLEISCHMAN:  "KaKa, you're not listening!  What about school?"


KAKA: "School? What school?"

MC HAMMER & JAMES BROWN

Here's my favorite MC Hammer video. Man, Hammer could dance! All that jumping...surely even professionals had their lungs jumping out of their chests after a number like this! You'd swear the background dancers were defying gravity.





This one's very far from James Brown's best video but I include it because it gives us a sustained look at his unique dancing style. If the weirdness of the video bums you out, you can clean your eyes with "Night Train," also on YouTube.





Here's Eddie Murphy making fun of the way James Brown talks.

"THE SMOKER" (EPISODE 5)

ANNOUNCER:  "Yes, he's The Smoker, and a smoker knows many things.  Through the curling wisps of tobacco smoke he perceives truth and error....and MURDER!"

The Smoker:  "She was a looker alright. Young, feminine and confident, maybe over-confident, maybe a little too worldly for her own good. I know the type well. In the photos she's dressed in high fashion and low necklines...no inhibitions...just a rich Dad who can afford a private dick like me when one day she just vanished into thin air. 

The only lead I had I was this address in the country that I fished out of her waste basket.  It's not much to go on but it's a place to start. That's it, that farm up ahead." 

  

"Hey Buddy, you mind if I ask a couple of questions?"

 
"You haven't seen this girl around here, have you?  She hasn't done anything wrong, I just want to talk to her.  No? But you didn't look at the picture..Here, take a look!"

"I shot a quick look inside and there was somebody inside bowed over a table counting something in the darkness. Why's the house so dark in the middle of the day? "

"Hey, uh..you don't think I could use your phone do you?  Just a local call. I'll just go in and...."

"Hey, hey, no need to get rough. I just wanted to make a call that's all."

"OK, I'll be seeing you! Have a good day and all that! I know you have to get back to your farming!"

"Farming in a pig's eye! That's a city rat if I ever saw one.  Something here doesn't add up!"

"I gotta bring the law in on this right away. If she's in there, there's no time to loose!"

"What the...!? Somebody's on the road! Get outta the way, ya......"

Screeeeeeeecccchhhhh.......CRAAAASHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANNOUNCER:  "Who was the mysterious figure on the road? Why did he risk his life to flag down The Smoker?  Did The Smoker survive the crash!? What about the girl!? Was she in the farmhouse? And who was the figure counting in the shadows?  Find out next week, when we present another exciting episode of.......THE SMOKER!!!!"

 

THE ADVANTAGE OF BUCK TEETH

I like to kid about the beauty of buck teeth, and an unexpected outcome of that kidding has been that I've convinced myself for real that buck teeth are genuinely beautiful. That's so counter-intuitive that I thought I'd better stop and think, to see if I really mean what I seem to be saying.  I think I do...sort of. 

That's me above, with a piece of paper serving as my buck teeth. On the basis of the photo above I'd say that buck teeth make you look younger, and that doesn't hurt.  Buck teeth make you appear idealistic as well, another unexpected benefit. 

 
Of course there's no denying that buck teeth make you look stupid...or do they?  The Nutty Proffessor looks stupid but his fake buck teeth are superimposed on a normal dental template and are obvious symbols for comedy.  

Real buck teeth occur on on a forward thrusting palette, and in context, don't look so bad. Take a look at the kid above. His buck teeth look good to me and if I was his dad I might consider doing without braces. Or maybe I wouldn't, I don't know.

Here's (above) another example of fake buck teeth on a normal palette. It doesn't look right.

 
Why is this girl (above) said to have "The Ugly Betty" look?  She looks fine to me. Does she really need braces? 

Sometimes buck teeth are blamed when the real culprit is a weak chin.  Buck teeth are fine for my taste, and so are weak chins, but the combination of the two is a sure visual symbol for stupidity, regardless of how intelligent the person may really be. I have both, but I take it in stride. There's no use worrying about what you can't change. I wouldn't look like me with a strong chin, and I wouldn't give up my buck teeth for anything.

 
This (above) is my species. We evolved overbite and buck teeth to better masticate the gnarly fruits and bark to be found on high jungle branches. If a comet strikes the Earth again bark biters like us will carry on the human genotype. We stand ready to give our all for the continuation of human life on our planet!*

* OK, I made up that stuff about high branches but there must be some advantage to buck teeth. I have noticed that we tend to be sexier. You never see buck-toothed bachleors.

   

THE MOST UNDER-RATED TECHNOLOGY

My vote for the most under-rated technology, the sleeper that's most likely to completely alter the future in 50 years or so, is virtual reality. VR isn't very visible in the consumer market right now. I guess the novelty wore off after it was introduced 15 years ago in video arcades.


The headsets were clunky and the graphics were pretty poor. Back then I thought game companies would go after VR, and they did for a short time, but interest wained.


I like the films about VR: "Lawnmower Man," "Dreamscape," "Vituosity," and "The Matrix." In a way I like Lawnmower man the best, even though it was objectively the worst of the films I mentioned. The other films posited that we'd want virtual reality to mimic real life. Only Lawnmower Man posited that we might prefer to live in artificial, man-made worlds which resemble abstract video games like Mario Brothers.



One day, maybe in our kids' lifetime, quantum computers will give us the power to create whatever worlds we like. Almost certainly a lot of people will prefer VR to the real world. Some might not even feel like eating and may starve to death. If I could fly, if I could reach for things with arms as long as football fields, if I could be an insect or a T-Rex, if I could sleep in a bird's nest or be a fish in a lagoon, if I could have unlimited sex and explore the atomic world by flying through molecules....if I could do all that, maybe I wouldn't want to leave the virtual world either.


On the other hand, maybe reality is the ultimate virtual world. There are so many weird and unpredictable mysteries, even in a leaf. Maybe the more realistic VR gets, the more people will learn to crave and appreciate reality. Who knows?