A DELICIOUS COMPARISON!

Everybody I know hates re-makes but I love them! There's no better way to study film than to see the same story handled differently by two different directors. The old argument, "If they have to do re-makes then they should only do films that weren't done right the first time" doesn't hold water for me. It's precicely the good films that I want to see re-done! That's how you learn the most!

So here's the leg lamp sequence from "Christmas Story," done well (below) and done badly (above). What lessons do you take away from this?





By the way, the better version of "Christmas Story" was done by Bob Clark, the same director who did "Porky's" 1 & 2, and "Black Christmas"! Clark died a year ago in a car accident on the Pacific Coast Highway.  He was a friend of Quentin Tarantino.

THE AMAZING iSIGHT CAMERA

I can't stop fooling around with the built-in iSight camera on my computer. Maybe it has to do with the quality of the lenses or the electronics.  Maybe it's the program. Anyway, you can do some serious photography with this thing.

The moody picture above was lit with a flashlight. Think about it, a flashlight!  I look like a guy who's at the end of his rope, out of work and wondering how he's going to feed his family. In reality it's just me, wondering if there's any potato chips in the house, and the camera benignly transforms that expression into high tragedy.  Of course, it also makes me look a hundred years old! 

 
Here's my favorite (above)!  I look like a demon from a Hell that burns black flame. I shot it for the Potemkin post but wasn't able to fit it in.  Once again, the lighting was done with a flashlight. 

 

 Here's (above) a bit of gritty, 50s realism.  Theater in that era was thick and serious. The words poured like molasses.  One play that comes to mind is "Krapp's last Tape." It's terrible and just about unwatchable in my opinion, but it has a following, and it has the virtue that you could film the whole thing in YouTube type close-ups. Imagine that! A serious play shot just for YouTube! 

I think I'll try a couple of really heavy, dramatic readings here. They'll suck but, what the heck, it's a blog and blogs are for fun, not for perfection.  Like Clampett used to say, "What's the worst that can happen? Is the sky going to fall down?"

 ISight does a good job on color, too. Sometimes the color looks purple and washed-out, and other times it feels like Technicolor.  In the picture above the lighting makes me look like someone in "The Conformist."

INTERVIEW WITH COWBOY BOB

ANNOUNCER:  "Today we're visiting the internationally famous star of stage and screen, the original singing cowboy.... Cowboy Bob! Hello, Cowboy Bob! Are we interrupting?"

COWBOY BOB:  "Why, no Bill! We got most of the cattle bedded down for the night, so a little jaw-jabberin' won't hurt!"

ANNOUNCER:  "Cowboy Bob, we have some letters from the fans. One fan writes in to ask, "Why does Cowboy Bob smoke? Doesn't that set a bad example for kids?"

COWBOY BOB: "Haw! That's a laugh! I don't smoke! Never have! It's a filthy habit! I carry the cigarettes for a friend, my horse!"

COWBOY BOB:  "Of course he gets the cigarettes all wet with slobber so they don't work so good anymore. If one gets really wet I'll let it dangle from my lip just to dry it out! 

Any more questions?"


ANNOUNCER:  "Yes, here's one.....this reader asks, "Cowboy Bob, Do you have your own ranch? Where do you bunk?"

COWBOY BOB: "Where do I bunk? No cowboy 'bunks' anymore. When I'm on a drive I stay at motels, just like everybody else."

 
COWBOY BOB (CONT):  "My favorite is 'Motel 6' because they leave a peppermint on the bed. Of course you never want to run an ultraviolet light over the bedspread but heck, even big hotels have that problem." 

COWBOY BOB:  "Well, there's the call to the chuck wagon! Gotta cut it short! It was real nice talkin' to you, Bill! Tell the kids out there to talk straight and stand tall like their friend Cowboy Bob! That, and always listen to their mothers!"



ANNOUNCER: "Will do, Cowboy Bob! It was nice talkin'...I mean 'talking'...to you!"

BTW: Thanks and a tip of the Cowboy Bob hat to Luke for the fine poster above!

AH, THE OLD WEST!!!

Here it is..."Uncle Eddie: Cowboy Commercial", Two minutes long, fresh from YouTube! I wish I could have added SFX. 'Hope you like it!

COWBOY BOB ON YOUTUBE!!!!!

I just transferred it to YouTube but I'm too sleepy to wait till they process it, so I can put it up here. If you just can't wait, go to YouTube and you'll find it under "Uncle Eddie: Cowboy Commercial." In the more likely event that you can wait, just hang loose and I'll post it here as soon as I'm able.

EXOTICA FOR HOUSEWIVES

Here's (above) something Mike turned me on to: Christopher Walkin's sketches on Saturday Night Live where he plays "The Continental." What a terrific idea! A woman we never see knocks on the Continental's door and he takes her in and tries to seduce her. Where's this been all my life? I want to see every episode!





Here's (above) a parody of the Walkin sketches which is even more overt than Walkin's. Hard-to-please YouTube fans gave this 2 1/2 stars, but I'd give it a 5. It's hilarious!





Housewives in the 50s were treated to some real exotica on TV! After being stimulated to distraction by the original (unfortunately short-lived) Continental show, they got to watch the king of the exotics, Korla Pandit (above) play the organ. I love the mystical narration at the start.

SOUP SLURPERS

Please, please, please forgive me for wiping out 13 perfectly fine comments in order to put a slightly improved version of the video up. I just couldn't bear to watch the video run silent for the last 45 seconds! If I'm able to re-cut this sometime in the future I'll run the music throughout instead of dimming it for the SFX. That and 50 other changes should fix it!

A LESSON FROM JUDY GARLAND

Here in one video are two terrific songs from Judy Garland's first feature, "Pigskin Parade." How old is she here? 14? 15? 16? Something like that.

She does a great job on the first song,"Texas Tornado," and when you hear it you think, "Well, that's it. She's not going to do better; nobody can,"...then she proceeds to top herself with the second song, which is nothing less than masterful.

This second song (which I've just forgotten the name of) must have been especially hard to sing. The lyrics and melody are awkward in the extreme. You get the feeling that she decided to make a big splash and if she couldn't do it with a good song, she'd hunker down and do it with a bad song. Listening to this is like watching soldiers fight door-to-door. She broke down the song into parts and somehow found a way to beat life into each separate segment.

I learned something important from this performance: if you can't find the perfect project to show the world what you can do, take the godawful project you're stuck with and force it to be great, one scene at a time.

AYN RAND, BARBARA STANWYCK, AND WALLY WOOD

What do Ayn Rand (above), Barbara Stanwyck and Wally Wood have in common? They all lived 20 minutes or less from my house! Of course that was the era before the land was sub-divided into housing developments. Come to think of it, Jimmy Cagney lived around here too, in Porter Ranch, but I don't know exactly where. In LA no part of the city is more than a stone's throw from some kind of historical film landmark.

Yesterday Milt Grey and I decided to get in a car and look up the sites where the homes of these people used to be. I wish I'd thought to bring along extra batteries for the camera. I only managed to get a few pictures but you might still be interested to see what we came up with.



Barbara Stanwyck (above) and Ayn Rand were next-door neighbors in what is now called Northridge. That's right, Northridge, where the Earthquake was.



Here's (above) a picture of Ayn Rand's house, address: 10000 Tampa Blvd., taken in the 1940s when half the valley was still covered with orange groves. It was originally designed by Neutra for film director Erik Von Sternberg.


Today the house is gone and in it's place is a public junior high, Noble Middle School. I had to get this picture off the net because my camera froze.



10000 Tampa is a few blocks up from the local mall, The Northridge Fashion Center. It's funny to think of people at the mall's book store perusing Rand books that were written only a few blocks away.


After Northridge we headed in the opposite direction to Wally Wood's (portrait above) last apartment at 15150 Parthenia in Van Nuys.



We discovered a somewhat run-down neighborhood but I imagine it was OK when Wally was there. My camera started working again so I got this picture of the side of the building where Wood had a street-level entrance. That's his apartment behind the grey car.


To get to Wood's apartment (above) you turn right after opening the brown gate.


And that's his place, number 71. I met the occupant and she was delighted to learn that a famous artist lived here. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Wood shot himself there. It was three days before the body was found.

According to Milt, Wood came to LA to find work in animation because it was getting harder and harder to make a living doing comics in New York. He was desperate for money because he had kidney problems which required expensive dialysis treatments. He tried to sell projects to Hanna Barbera and others but nobody was buying. I think his final work was comics for a local porn publisher, a real come-down for someone of Wood's stature.

I'm tempted to say that a gloom hung over the apartment, but really it was just the opposite. In bright mid-day it was positively cheery. Thank God life carries on.

HITLER DRAWS DISNEY

A dealer in Norway claims to have found authentic watercolors of Disney characters drawn by Hitler, the "A.H." in the lower left of the Doc drawing. Since Hitler is known to have had his own copy of "Snow White," and since the pictures were found hidden inside a previously authenticated Hitler painting, some people are thinking they might be real.

Boy, there's no accounting for taste. Arafat was partial to Hanna Barbera, and Sadahm collected Boris-type fantasy art. Horowitz and Maria Callas liked Archie comics, and Einstein is said to have watched "Beany & Cecil." Maybe we shouldn't be surprised that Hitler liked Disney.


All this talk about Hitler made me curious to see his pictures again so I googled them, and here are a few of the better ones. This picture of the city street (above) is my favorite. I wonder if this is a copy of something someone else did. It's more imaginative and passionate than Hitler's average work.


Most of Hitler's pictures seem to lack passion. Take this one (above) of the dog. It's admirable but oddly aloof, and distanced from its subject. Hitler seems to be drawing an ideal dog rather than the one that was in front of him.


Hitler experimented with impressionism in this picture (above), but he didn't seem to get it. Impressionism isn't just unconventional color, it's a way of perceiving the world as being organized by light. Of course Picasso did a lot of faux impressionist pieces and he seldom got it right either, at least not in his early work.


If Hitler was foolish enough to show this (above) to the art school he was trying to get into then I can see why they rejected him. It's pure kitsch. Something about it even suggests mental disturbance. It's hard to imagine that the same artist did the nice city street near the top.

BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN: THE LOST FOOTAGE

TRANSLATION: "BATTLESHIP POTEMKIN"


The Potemkin (above) steams into the harbor.


The sailors (above) watch as a political demonstration on land is thwarted by the Czar's soldiers.


It doesn't look good (above) for the demonstrators.


SAILOR: "Comrades! Wait a minute! There's a baby carriage on the edge of the steps!"


SAILOR: "Merciful Heavens! The soldiers are coming and there's a baby on the edge of the steps!"



SAILOR: "Wait a minute! What am I worried about? Nobody would push a baby down the steps!"



CAPITALIST (on the steps): "Hey, there's a baby! Push it down the steps!"



Baby "Waaaaaaa!!!!!"


SAILOR: (Gasp!)




DEMONSTRATOR: (cry of anguish)



SAILOR: "Man, that was harsh!"


SAILOR: "Well, at least we have this cool lighting. How do you like it? It's all done with a flashlight! "

SKETCHING OUTDOORS

"Hi folks! Art Teacher Uncle Eddie here!"


"Today we're going to talk about sketching outdoors."



"Well, not really outdoors...I mean, the real outdoors is dirty and full of bugs and rain. I mean the civilized outdoors that you find inside malls."



"OK, let's see. What examples do we have here?"


"Yikes! This (above) is just what I was talking about! Never, ever, ever do sketches like this! Why? because nobody wants to see realistic depictions of boredom or drowsiness! Half of being a good sketcher is knowing what to sketch. Not every subject is equally worthy of your attention."


"What is worth drawing? Well, cute girls for one thing! Here's some by Katie Rice!"


But that's (above) not the only thing. Character types are worth drawing...anybody that suggests a story...anybody that's fun to think about, even if they're evil or silly.



"But a word of warning! Never draw people who are pulpy! Fat and skinny are OK, even ugly is OK, but not pulpy and shapeless. Most people who will see your drawings worry about their weight and reminding them of it depresses them."



"Resist the temptation to draw what you see. Empty tables (above) are boring. The perspective problem is an interesting one, but as a story-telling cartoonist your time is too valuable to spend on this.

If you must draw this scene, move the foreground person to a table in the distance and ask her to look forlorn, as if she's oppressed by all the emptiness around her. Imagine that she's waiting for a date who will never come."



"Was that helpful?"


"There's more but I reckon that'll do for a start. See ya next time!"