PIZZA BOY (PART V) (REVISED)

EXT. SPOOKY OLD HOUSE, NIGHT:

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "Are the shades down? The doors locked?"

ALIENS (V.O.): "Yes, Great Leader! Only the initiated can hear your transmission!"

INT. HOUSE: Aliens are gathered to listen to The Great Leader on TV.

GREAT LEADER: "Good! I can't emphasize enough the need for security."

Pizza Boy listens.

GREAT LEADER: "As you know, the invasion of Earth begins tomorrow. I assume you all have your orders."

ALIEN (V.O.): "Yes, Great Leader! Everyone knows who he's supposed to vaporize when the signal is given!" 

ALIEN KID: "Look Dad! The Great Leader is just a big old eyeball!"

The Great Leader zaps the kid.

"

THE GREAT LEADER: "Now let's get down to business. Are the gorillas ready to be unleashed?"

GORILLA TRAINER: "Yes, Great Leader! When you say the word a half million angry gorillas will be released in population centers all over the world."

THE GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "Good!"

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "And the ball bearings? Are they ready to roll?"

SALUTING ALIEN: "Yes, Great Leader. At your command steel balls fifty feet high will be rolled down the streets of every village and town."

GREAT LEADER: "And the Lesbians? How about them?" 

LESBIANS: "They're ready, Great Leader!"

LESBIANS (V.O.): "On the signal the Amazon Army will attack New York City, taking care not to disrupt the various feminist bookstores and craft fairs."

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "And the Shamwows!? What about the Shamwows?"


SHAMWOW SALESMAN: "A million Venusian face eaters have been sold to American housewives under the brand name, 'Shamwow.' When the command is given the Shamwows will revert to type and voraciously consume human faces."

GREAT LEADER: "Excellent! And the zombie dogs?"

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "Never mind! I can see they're ready!"

GREAT LEADER: "Then that's it! The invasion will commence tomorrow! Victory is inevitable!"

APPLAUSE LIGHT GOES ON.

Aliens...enthusiastic applause.


ALIENS (CHANTING): "Victory to The Great Leader! Victory to the Great Leader! Victory to the Great Leader!!!!"

PIZZA BOY: "Yeah...er...victory and all that. Yessir!"

PIZZA BOY: "Now how do I collect for the pizza?"  



STORY CONTINUES IN PART VI, WHICH FOLLOWS......

PIZZA BOY (PART VI) (REVISED)

On frustrated Pizza Boy. The room is chanting and it's beginning to look like he'll never collect on the pizza.

PIZZA BOY: (GASP!!!)

PIZZA BOY: "Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Baaaad kitty! How do you expect to grow up to be a full-blown cat if you smoke those things?"

He picks up the cat.

PIZZA BOY: I think you outta give me those cigarettes. What do you think?"

ANGRY KITTEN (ACTUALLY AN ALIEN KITTEN): "I think if you don't put me down right now, I'm gonna bite your nose off!"

The kitten bites him and runs away.

PIZZA BOY: "(Big cry of pain)

The Great Leader perks up!

GREAT LEADER: "WHO SAID THAT!!!!???????"

PIZZA BOY: "Er...I guess it was me. Sorry about that!"

PIZZA BOY: "And while I have your attention...I'm the pizza delivery boy! I'm here to deliver Delicious Goodness, The Food of the Gods!!! Eleven big ones, whaddaya say!?"

PIZZA BOY (WHISPERING): "I think the pie's kinda cold now, so I'll knock off a couple of bucks."

GREAT LEADER: "Wha...? How did he...? Who....? Kill him!!!! KILL HIIIIIIMMMMM!!!!!!!

ALIEN PRINCESS: "Too bad, Pizza Boy! I was beginning to like you!"

The princess leaps to her feet and fires a laser pistol at Pizza Boy. Every alien in the room does the same thing.

;

PIZZA BOY: "Be careful! You'll harm the pizza!"

Faithful to his duty to protect the precious pizza, the valiant delivery boy runs out of the house, all the time ducking heat rays.

GREAT LEADER: "If he gets away and alerts the authorities, our whole plan will unravel!  Get him!"

The Great Leader detaches from the TV.

THE GREAT LEADER: "I'm taking personal charge now! Everybody outside! He can't be far!"

EXT., THE GROUNDS AROUND THE HOUSE:

ALIENS: "He could be anywhere! How do we find him!?"

THE GREAT LEADER: "You can't...but the zombies can. UNLEASH THE ZOMBIES!!!!!!"

ON THE HOUSE: Heavy steel doors are pulled apart and thousands of hungry zombies spill out into the street.

THE GREAT LEADER: "And just to be doubley sure....ROLL OUT THE SECRET WEAPON!!!"

INT. HOUSE: (SFX: FURIOUS POUNDING) Some one or some thing is pounding on the other side of a locked door. Frightened aliens cautiously open the locks then run away as the rusty chains slide to the floor.

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "I almost feel sorry for the pizza creature....!"

GREAT LEADER: ".....almost...but not quite!!!!!!!" Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!

GREAT LEADER (CONT): "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

GREAT LEADER (CONT): "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


INTENSE!!!??? You ain't seen nothin' yet! Is this the end for our hero? What on Earth is "The Secret Weapon?" And how can Pizza Boy hope to survive against these overwhelming odds?????? Find out in the next thrilling episode of....

****************************PIZZA BOY!****************************

DON"T BE IMPATIENT!!!!!!

I'll put up the next episode of  PIZZA BOY sometime during the day on Sunday!

HOMEMADE HALLOWEEN MASKS

Nice work (left), huh? But I'm afraid I don't have a name to go with the image.

I'd call this (above) a mask. Sort of.

This (above) isn't exactly homemade, but it looks that way, so I'll include it.

                                            This kid's (above) got talent!

Above, kid masks displayed on black velvet. I LOVE stuff like this. If you're an adult, you can't fake that kid sensibility. Hmmm. I wonder if kids could be persuaded to sell the masks they make?

I love masks that attempt to depict ordinary people (above). 
         

Good Grief! It's John Travolta (above, left) and Elsa Maxwell (below, right)!

Above, another mask depicting an ordinary citizen. Masks like this one are a great comment on the human race. We try to be hip, famous, beautiful, debonair...but paper mache masks reveal that we're basically just bags of guts on stilts. It's humbling.

Above, a real human face has been captured and branded by color that simply oozed out of the ether beside the person. I always think of color as a strangely malevolent thing that tries to dominate us, maybe  even eat us, when we attempt to manipulate it.

Or maybe malevolent isn't the word. Color is just...indifferent to us...it has its own high-energy, anarchic nature, and only the most fearless and skilled human beings can successfully harness it. 

Wow! Nice color (above) on that yellow mask!

Good Lord! A face (above) like a sting chord!

You have to marvel at the way masks convey emotion so directly and powerfully. 

Above, the artist decided to use the crumpled look that paper mache often has.

Above, a macaroni and glue creature.  It's a nice stand-alone sculpture,  but you might use it as a mask or a hat.