Monday, September 27, 2010



GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "Are the shades down? The doors locked?"

ALIENS (V.O.): "Yes, Great Leader! Only the initiated can hear your transmission!"

INT. HOUSE: Aliens are gathered to listen to The Great Leader on TV.

GREAT LEADER: "Good! I can't emphasize enough the need for security."

Pizza Boy listens.

GREAT LEADER: "As you know, the invasion of Earth begins tomorrow. I assume you all have your orders."

ALIEN (V.O.): "Yes, Great Leader! Everyone knows who he's supposed to vaporize when the signal is given!" 

ALIEN KID: "Look Dad! The Great Leader is just a big old eyeball!"

The Great Leader zaps the kid.

THE GREAT LEADER: "Now let's get down to business. Are the gorillas ready to be unleashed?"

GORILLA TRAINER: "Yes, Great Leader! When you say the word a half million angry gorillas will be released in population centers all over the world."


GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "And the ball bearings? Are they ready to roll?"

SALUTING ALIEN: "Yes, Great Leader. At your command steel balls fifty feet high will be rolled down the streets of every village and town."

GREAT LEADER: "And the Lesbians? How about them?" 

LESBIANS: "They're ready, Great Leader!"

LESBIANS (V.O.): "On the signal the Amazon Army will attack New York City, taking care not to disrupt the various feminist bookstores and craft fairs."

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "And the Shamwows!? What about the Shamwows?"

SHAMWOW SALESMAN: "A million Venusian face eaters have been sold to American housewives under the brand name, 'Shamwow.' When the command is given the Shamwows will revert to type and voraciously consume human faces."

GREAT LEADER: "Excellent! And the zombie dogs?"

GREAT LEADER (V.O.): "Never mind! I can see they're ready!"

GREAT LEADER: "Then that's it! The invasion will commence tomorrow! Victory is inevitable!"


Aliens...enthusiastic applause.

ALIENS (CHANTING): "Victory to The Great Leader! Victory to the Great Leader! Victory to the Great Leader!!!!"

PIZZA BOY: " and all that. Yessir!"

PIZZA BOY: "Now how do I collect for the pizza?"  



RooniMan said...

This is so cool.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Shamwow meets King Kong? Unbelievable, but only a funny storyteller like you can pull something like that off without it being too weird for its own sake.

Rossco said...

Somehow I always knew Shamwows were intended for worldwide face consumption.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Roberto: Thanks. I'll have to rework this. It's too slow in parts and not funny enough. I also had trouble finding establishing shots. And Beta Blogger...I'll have to think twice before tackling long format stories on that X@$X& platform. Oh well, you win some and you lose some. I still learned from it.

Paul Penna said...

Eyeball Leader incinerating the kid from the TV is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. But that's just me.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Everybody: Geez! I just finished tightening up the paragraph and picture spacing, but it still looks ragged and uneven. I'm afraid I might have to end Pizza Boy here. I just can't get it to look right on the Beta Blogger format. *Sigh!*

No doubt Blogger will straighten out these problems eventually. I'll just have to hold off on long format stories until that happens. Meanwhile, I'll do shorter stuff that's easier to fix.