Wednesday, May 30, 2012

A TRIP TO NEIMAN MARCUS

EDDIE (VO): "Hi Auralynn! I'm ready for another adventure! Where to this time?"


AURALYNN: "We're going to Neiman Marcus. I want to show you some clothes!"


EDDIE (VO): "Why are we stopping here? This isn't Neiman Marcus!"

AURALYNN: "I know, but you need to see some average clothes first. What do you think of this dress?"

EDDIE (VO): "Er...I dunno. I guess that's what girls are wearing now. I don't know much about things like that."

AURALYNN: "What do you think of that outfit?"

EDDIE (VO) "(Yawns) I dunno. One's as good as the other, I guess......Hey, look over there! It's The Sharper Image store! Let's check it out!"


AURALYNN: "Look at this neck massager! It feels like someones punching my back!"


EDDIE: "And this head squeezer....Ooooooooh, that feels goooood!!!!


AURALYNN: "This chair is nice, too....but.......we have to go!"


AURALYNN: "Okay, here we are...Neiman Marcus!

EDDIE (VO): "But the sign says 'Prada'."

AURALYNN: "Don't you see? Prada, Balenciaga, Arkis, Armani.....all the big design houses have little stores within Neiman Marcus!"


EDDIE (VO): "Uh-oh! Look at this store! The racks are almost empty. I guess they're going out of business!""

AURALYNN: "No, no. It's just the opposite. They're doing fine. They're just more exclusive than the other stores. Let's go in!"

EDDIE (VO): "Go in!!!???  But, but......well, er, okay."


SALESWOMAN: "Hello, Sir! Have you and your daughter been to this store before?"

EDDIE (VO): "My daughter!!!??? Oh, she's not my daughter. She's just a fr........"

SALESWOMAN: "Have a seat, Sir. I have just the dress for your adorable child. Wait here and we'll slip into the changing room and surprise you...."

EDDIE (VO): "Well, actually I'm not her......"


SALESWOMAN (VO): "Voila! What do you think?"

EDDIE (VO): "HOLY MACKEREL!!!!!! (Gulp!) Auralynn, you...you look great!!!"

SALESWOMAN: (VO): "Doesn't she? That normally sells for $4,000 but it's on sale for 2,000. Think of the good times your daughter'll have in it!"

EDDIE (VO): "Well, actually she's not....."


AURALYNN: Miss, I'm not really in the market for a dress today, but I'm impressed by the Z matrix cross stitch on the back and the canvas hensworth. I'm a designer myself and I know how rare good platerial hensworths are."

SALESWOMAN (VO): "You're a designer? So am I! I haven't seen a hensworth this long since Belenciaga formatted the triple thistlebain that way, give or take a double bevel now and then. Here, take my card. and I'll let you know when the next leather pith homey comes in."

SALESWOMAN (VO) (TO EDDIE): It was nice meeting you, Sir. I hope you'll bring your daughter in again soon."

EDDIE (VO): "Well, actually she's......Oh, forget it."


OUTSIDE THE STORE, IN THE MALL:

EDDIE: "That was interesting! But what did you bring me here to see?"

AURALYNN: "I wanted you to see why I'm a dress designer. I wanted you to see for yourself the power of design! You saw what average dresses were like....looking at them almost put you to sleep. Well, think about what you felt when you saw this one. The effect of real design is overpowering! It can make the wearer feel confident, it can change the way you move and talk, it can make or break a career. Sometimes I think design can change the world!"


EDDIE (VO): "Wow!"

AURALYNN: "Yeah."



11 comments:

Joshua Marchant (Scrawnycartoons) said...

Interesting, I'd never thought about the importance of a designer since clothes shopping normally puts me to sleep but she made her point veeerry clear. Good for Aurallyn!

Although I can't tell if that design jargon in the middle there is real or just Eddie ad-libbing.

Anonymous said...

I love Auralynn. She's like a female version of you, Eddie. This design theory is definitely true and I don't even care about clothes that much.

Apparently there are Neiman Marcus stores here in Metro Atlanta and I hadn't even heard of the place before!

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Joshua: Haw! I had to make up that technical language. I did that because I couldn't understand what Auralynn and the saleswoman were saying.

pappy d said...

You had me fooled, Eddie.
But what's with that saleslady? Who buys a $2000 dress for his daughter?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Pappy: Maybe the saleslady thought I was a sugar daddy. If so, it would be a funny coincidence because I'd just spot read in "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" a few days before. It's a disappointing book. It's an interesting set-up but the story doesn't go anywhere.

BTW, Auralynn never intended to hint that anyone should buy the dress. She just wanted to make a point about design, and that was the only way to do it.

Anonymous said...

Eddie, considering what you've had to say about irony, I think you'd appreciate this:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/may/30/enough-irony-art-eurovision

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Stephen: Haw! I want to write the author of that article a fan letter. Many thanks!

Thanks too for the Theory Corner anniversary greeting. I didn't reply right away, but it was much appreciated.

Everybody: And on the subject of replies....I definitely will watch the Popeye cartoons that were recommended earlier, I've just been very busy these past few days.

Pete Emslie said...

Hey Uncle Eddie, what's a hensworth? (he asked naively, unaware he was setting up the punchline for Eddie to come back with...)

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Pete: A hensworth? Search me. I had to make it up.

pappy d said...

Steve:
Good link on the Eurovision contest. She makes a good point about how unironic excrement is. The ironic thing is that an intelligent person has to crap out 500 words about it every week, and does!

DeWolf said...

Wow Auralynn is a design guru! And I guess she was right...