MORE PREDICTIONS OF THE FUTURE

What will the future be like? Fortunately we have a pretty accurate idea based on sketches by artist Wally Wood. In matters of this sort Wood is never wrong.

That's a Wood prediction above. Men will develop giant brains and ride everywhere in jet-propelled wheelchairs. Robot girlfriends will replace real women. It has the ring of truth. Gads! How does Wood do it?

Inspired by Wood, I'll make a few predictions of my own: increasingly intelligent birds will disdain to make strenuous migrations the way their forerunners did. They'll take a plane (above) like everybody else. Actually, some of them do that now.

 Spiders will take up the whole suburban lifestyle, and won't be content to crawl up walls and eat bugs anymore. Probably they never liked bugs, but didn't know what else to eat. Future spiders will indulge in  hamburgers like the rest of us, and drive where ever they need to go.

About the time spiders stop crawling up walls, expect humans to take it up. New advances in body glue will enable us to take shortcuts never thought possible.

 Of course old people will take the same shortcuts, slowing down the wall traffic.

 We may as well be honest, and face up to the fact that not everything in the future will be rosy. Previously law-abiding citizens (above) will be tempted by the glitz of modern life.

 

Animals will become increasingly surly.

Some will be downright rude.

Fortunately when the world becomes too abrasive future man will have the solace of his gadget-filled home...that is, if he can find it.



I'll end with this little gem of a film about office work in the future. I suggest watching only the first 3 1/2 minutes.

BTW: Thanks to Mike Fontanelli for the terrific scans of Wood's futuristic illustrations for "Blobs."

WHAT HAPPENED TO SPACE HELMETS!!!????

When I was a kid everyone was excited about outer space. All of us kids couldn't wait til we grew up and could go to other planets and battle monsters of indescribable ferocity.

Wally Wood nailed it in this picture (above). Every kid had his trusty tricycle and his 

Davy Crockett and Prince Valiant paraphernalia. The only inaccurate thing about this picture is the space helmet.  None of us kids, at least in my area, could lay his hands on one. 

To judge from the media of that era, toy space helmets were common as water....

...even girls had them....but it wasn't true. NOBODY had them!!!

Look at that lucky kid above,  grooving with his new helmet and a pocket full of quarters for the rocket ride. What I think of when I see this picture is, where the heck did he get it? I begged and cried, threw tantrums and fits, and still couldn't get one. I never even saw them in the stores.

My parents said the helmets I saw in magazines were probably specially made for the photographs, but I wasn't buying it. They had the look of mass market toys. See that blow-up plastic ring
(above) around the bottom? That says mass production to me.

I have to face the possibility that my parents lied to me. Maybe parents had a boycott going. It's possible that some psychologist somewhere went on the road with an EC comics-type scenario where a kid falls off his tricycle, causing his helmet to shatter into shards and disfigure him for life. It was the beginning of the age of parental hysteria, egged on by so-called "experts."

I'll bet warehouses were full of unsold space helmets, including the premium "Space Patrol" helmet shown above.  Eventually many tens of thousands of them were probably crushed and used as landfill. I and millions of other kids were left bereft. Now I'm an adult and I stand before you a mental and physical wreck. I sleep in doorways and life is what happens while I await the solace of death and oblivion. Like so many of my generation I was lied to and denied a basic necessity of kid life, and this...this has been the tragic result.

COLOR FOR WEB COMICS

There's some great digital illustrations on the internet. How do you like the terrific example above by Jorge Gutierrez, riffing off a character by Gabe Swarr? Web comics are a different matter. There's some first rate artists and storytellers doing web comics, but at least half of them are still struggling with finding color schemes that work on the computer screen.

The horrible fact is, that the same saturated, digital color that makes illustration look good on screens can be lethal to long-format, comic book-style storytelling.

I envy the old print media cartoonists. Newspapers and comics couldn't reproduce saturated color, so everybody was forced to use something more subdued. It was lucky for them, because faded color didn't compete with the drawings the way saturated color does.

The early days of digital coloring (before Cochran and Gladstone figured out how to do it right) produced some hideous efforts. Here (above) the color dominates the page, not the story, and the graded background give Scrooge's silhouette an eerie glow. Yuck! Some newspaper strips are still colored this way.

A number of digital cartoonists have experimented with updated versions of the old pulp color, including Gene Hole, who did this picture. What do you think? I prefer the older way, though it looks a little old fashioned now.

Some cartoonists darken the lines so the brighter colors won't dominate the characters, and that seems to help.

In my opinion textured backgrounds seem to work for digital storytelling, but not everyone agrees.

John K's color style looks like it would work great for web comics. If ever John ever does a comic just for the internet, and can figure out a way to monetize it, he'll clean up.

In addition to those already credited, thanks to Katie Rice, Luke Cormican,  Michael Sporn and Bill Peckmann. 

"ATLAS SHRUGGED" THE MOVIE IS COMING!

Longtime fans of this site know how much I liked Ayn Rand's book, "Atlas Shrugged." Now it's a movie, coming out on April 15th. Man o man, I'm in Heaven!  I pre-paid for a seat in the very first show. Anyway, that's the trailer, above.

Here's (above) a clip showing steel magnate Rearden coming home to his snooty wife and her loafer friends. When I watch this I can't believe my eyes.  Imagine a film that actually portrays a businessman as a hero rather than a bloodsucker! How delightfully unmodern!

Here (above) the heroine socks it to a corrupt union boss. Me, I like unions, but I don't like guys like this.

It's playing at a few places in the L.A. area. I'm going to see it at The Landmark Regent Theatre (above, on the left) in Westwood. If you've been to Westwood then you probably recognize the street.

The address: The Landmark Regent Theatre/1045 Broxton Ave. /Los Angeles, CA 90024-2803/ (310) 281-8223. I don't know how long the film's going to run, but advance tickets for this theatre can be had via an automated telephone service: 1(877)789MOVIE. The online site says they're not selling advance tickets just now, but that could change.

Parking can be had at public lots and on the street. The garage across from the Regent offers $3 parking after 6PM. Before 6PM the first two hours are free.

Above, a map of Westwood with an arrow indicating the theatre. Get off the 405 at Wilshire East, make for the intersection at Wilshire and Westwood, and head North toward the UCLA campus, into the village.

For those poor souls who are not fortunate enough to live in L.A., here's a site with the name and location of every theatre in the country that's running the film:

http://www.AtlasShruggedPart1.com/theaters#California

JAMES ELLROY: THE SECRET OF HOW HE WRITES

I'm 3/4 of the way through James Ellroy's (that's his picture, above) new book, "The Hilliker Curse," and I'm liking every page. It's probably his best book, and as an added bonus he reveals the secret of how he writes. Hold your hats, because it's not the advice you're probably expecting.

The book is autobiographical. It's about his obsession with the women in his life. He's a famous author, so I imagine that he's had his share of one night stands, but it's the small number of special simpatico women that he obsesses over. He's in love with being in love, and he's not above having an affair behind the back of the woman he's having an affair with.

But I don't mean to trivialize his relationships. He's genuinely in love with these women, and when problems develop, as they always do, it hurts him to the core.  It takes a special kind of woman to put up with Ellroy's craziness. She has to be smart, vulnerable to male charm, sexy in a low key, every day kind of way, tolerant of his crazy, obsessive behavior, and has to be someone he can fantasize about, somebody who stimulates Ellroy to extreme anxiety and crisis, but who is simultaneously soothing and kind.

So where's the advice I mentioned? Well, he doesn't spell it out in so many words, but we can make inferences. Ellroy can write the way he does because he's compulsively driven to put words on paper, because he has a knack for it, and...here's the secret I promised... because his personal life is full of intrigues that inspire the intrigues in his fiction. Falling in love is an adventure, and adventure writers have to have real adventures in order to write.

Does every writer have to be a Don Juan? No, not at all...just the ones with literary pretensions. Ordinary fiction works very well with convention and stereotypes. The literary stuff requires  truckloads of you-are-there details and deep psychological analysis. To be a good literary adventure writer you have to have tortured, literary adventures.

Funny cartoonists reading this are probably wondering if this applies to them. I don't know. I don't think I need too many heavy psychological adventures to learn how to have a character trip on a banana peel. Ellroy's method is still interesting, though.

USEFUL CLIPS ABOUT FILM MAKING

Above and below, some short clips about film making. I wish what Hitchcock was saying here (above) could be tattooed on the arm of every comedy animation writer: technique trumps content. The way something is said is even more important than what is said. That's why animation scripts (when they're needed at all) need to be short. The artist performers need time to create great scenes without the necessity of always rushing ahead to the next plot point.



There really was such a thing as "The Lubitsch Touch." You see it in films like "Shop Around the Corner" and "Trouble in Paradise." I've never heard it explained adequately. but Wilder nails part of it in this (above) clip.



Here (above) Scorsese makes the same point that Hitchcock makes above. What's usually needed is story, not plot.



No surprise here (above). That a film should end with us wanting to see more is obvious, but I would amend the advice to say that a scene (I'm using live action definitions here), sometimes even a shot, should end with us wanting to see more. I wish more was written about setting up shots and scenes with this in mind.

Also I feel silly for saying this, but how do you like Polanski's white shirt and grey jacket? A really good quality white shirt, when it's thick and new and super white and nicely tailored, is a glorious thing to behold.

"THE GOLDBERGS" (I MEAN, "THE FITZGERALDBERGS")

ON MULLY FITZGERALDBERGS' BROOKLYN APARTMENT:

MULLY"S DAUGHTER: "Mother! It's the new tenant! Hurry up! You have to hear this!!"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS (RECITING A POEM): "In the fragrance from a honeysuckle clinking by a vine in the raspy sun / Have I known you. / In the song what it wharples a lark on top from a meadow in June..."

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "By larks it is wings, by butterflies also; / By hornets is stings, In the thorn is a snail, so? / The Deity is in his heaven!!"

THE LISTENERS APPLAUD.

MULLY: "Well give a look! The Age from Romance! Dat's VERY beautiful! I'm Mrs. Fitzgeraldberg and dis is my family being here. You just move in??"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "Ah, Mrs. Fitzgeraldberg! What awakened you outside the window, the sweet song of the thrush? Or maybe from a woodland brook a gargle, what it passed by you the window? But your question I must answer.

Yes, I am being your new neighbor, Parcy Pigeontonsils, professional gigolo from your service."

MULLY: "Gigolo!? What's dis 'gigolo?' What's dat?"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "What is gigolo? Gigolo is useful professhon! I read poetry to women and they give me their luff savings. Sometimes maybe, a little lambie love with honey cuddle they get."

MULLY: "Yi yi yi yi yi! Lambie love with honey cuddle yet!!? And for this women give you money!??"

NEIGHBOR: "Mully, de whole town's tukking. You know, prying heyes witt wagging tongs!  Dey say wot you are gung to the dogs with dis gigolo guy, Mr. Pigeontonsils!"

MULLY: "But I only met him two menutes ago ut here."

NEIGHBOR: "I know, but news travels fast. All over the neighborhood it spilled already all the dirt. I say dis witt all doo rispact, of cuss."

HUSBAND: "Thank you. I think my wife is with needing a rest inside, now. Cum inside, Mully!"

MULLY: "Okay. I just say good-bye to Mr. Pigeontonsils."

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "Ha ha...you can call me 'Pussy Bunny.' Ha! I'll call you... 'Peaches'...ha ha! Just remember to me giving your life savings! Well, I must be running along. Now I should ketch a haircot."

MULLY (VO): "Ha! You funny boy!"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS (VO): "Peaches, come by me for a ivining! Dun't be beshful. I have a coffee maker in de back. It'll cust you free."

MULLY (VO): "Oh, Mr. Pigeontonsils. How could you say such things? Why you hardly know me!"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS (VO): "Know you, my gorgeous gazelle? All my life I have known your sweet with lovely, your shy with beautiful. your luff savings, your...ouch...Oh!...oh!...I feel all of a sudden faint with dizzy. It swims by me the room...!"

MULLY (VO): "Goodness! Are you alright!!?? I come right over!"

HUSBAND: "Grandfudder,what are you dung?"

GRANDFATHER: "Ha! It's always the husband the last to find out! Gangster friends I am culling! They'll toss her down a flight from cellar steps.  This way for the same price you might hit a jackpot. Could be maybe two broken legs with a neck dislocated."

HUSBAND: "With breaking legs we don't settle things."

MULLY: "He's sick! I'm just bringing him some chicken soup!"

HUSBAND: "I know, Mully! I am from trusting you!"

INT. PIGEONTONSIL'S APARTMENT:

MULLY: "Yi yi yi! You rilly are sick, Mr. Pigeontonsils! Dis chicken soup will help, you'll see! But tell me someting...why you take ladies' money? How you get like dis? Dat's no way!"

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "(Groans) Well, when I am desolate I am nervous; and when I am nervous I cannot work, and when I cannot work I lay in bed; and when I lay in bed the maid will not clean the house. So you see....."

MR. PIGEONTONSILS: "Sigh! You're nice to me, even though I try to take your luff savings. Maybe I am all wrong in my diagnosis from this matter. I'm going to chuck it all and get by a milk route a job. Or maybe I'll try the post office instead...better hours! No more ladies' luff savings! No more gorgeous gazelle!"

LATER, BACK AT MULLY'S APARTMENT:

HUSBAND: "You did a good deed, Mully, and since my wife likes poems,  I have memorized one for you. Do you wunt to hear it?"

MULLY: "Why...yes."

HUSBAND (RECITING): " 'Oh, the Owl with the Pussycat went to sea / In a beautiful boat, a pea-green one./ They took along honey with plenty of money,/ With...er, how does that end, now? Oh yes...with a Sinatra album, a mean one.' Well, I'm still working on it. What do you think?"

MULLY: "I think it's da must beautiful poem I ever heard!"

THE END


BTW: About the writing of this post: you've probably guessed that there's lot of dialogue swipes from Milt Gross here! I wrote the story then searched the Gross oeuvre for sentences and words that would help to fill it out. I love Grossian sentences like, "Maybe sometimes a little lambie love and huneycuddles they get." I'm going to use the word "get" more often in my own writing. It's a powerful little word that packs a big punch, and it's full of funny subtext.

I risked an anti-climax to end the story with a sentimental affirmation of the husband's love for his wife. I lose points for doing that because it makes the story less hip and edgy, but it gains points because it makes us like the characters. Did I do the right thing? Who knows?

Story writing isn't an exact science and the ever present possibility of failure is what makes writing fun.

Also BTW: The story is illustrated with frame grabs from the nifty "Goldbergs" TV series, which can be had on DVD now. The gigolo is Ernie Kovacs.