ADVICE FROM MILT

INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT

MILT: "Hi Eddie! Am I late?"

EDDIE (VO): "No, no. Have a seat."

MILT: "What's the matter? Why so glum on this wonderful day Mother Earth has given us?"

EDDIE: "Glum? Do I look glum? I'm not...I'm not......"

EDDIE: "...Oh, what's the use of hiding it? I've had a bad day!"

 MILT: "A bad day? Really? What happened?"

EDDIE: "Well, this morning my wife and I were standing there at the barbecue, nibbling on bits of hamburger..."

MILT: "Say no more! I see the problem. Burgers are full of cattle steroids."

EDDIE: "Weeell.... there's more. My wife leaned too close to the coals and caught fire so I reached for a bucket of water and threw it on her. Only it wasn't water. It was battery acid. She was reduced to brain, a lung and an eyeball."

MILT: "Eddie, Eddie, Eddie...how often have I told you....meat effects your senses, including your vision."

EDDIE: "That's not all! I scooped the brain and guts into a shoebox and ran for the hospital. On the way I fell into a manhole and dropped the box. The contents were immediately chewed by vicious dogs."

MILT: "That means the dogs got some of the steroids. See how that stuff spreads through the ecosystem?"

EDDIE: "Wait, wait, there's more! A tanker truck came by and its cargo of lemon juice and pepper splashed onto the still-living brain. It was horrible. The brain twisted and writhed in pain.

Me, I crawled out of the manhole but my legs were shattered. I had to crawl here over gravel and broken glass. It took hours."

MILT: "Well you can't expect to make good time if you insist on eating things like cattle steroids! I mean, geez!"

MILT: "Look, how 'bout we get a couple of salads, then you'll feel better."

EDDIE (VO): "Yeah, a salad! You're a wise man, Milt. I'm starting to feel better already!"

HOW I SPENT MY SATURDAY

I had a great Saturday! For one thing I got to hand out the coveted Theory Corner "Percy" Award, named for Percy Dovetonsils. The Percy, for those who've forgotten, is an award for excellence in comedic animation by a student in the LA area.  This time it went to a really funny guy, Mike Pelensky (above) at the Laguna School of Art and Design. Will somebody please hire this man?

Incidentally, if you're not familiar with that school, you will be. The new leadership takes  animation very seriously, and they're located near a spot so beautiful that you'll think you're on the French Riviera.

It's a pleasure to look at Mike's work. The guy has a knack, no doubt about it. He also has some of the world's nicest parents.

Here's the Percy (above) as it is now. Later versions will include a gold frame around a somewhat smaller Percy Dovetonsils, and cartoony white writing near the base.

Later in the day I made arrangements with a friend to pick up my copy (above) of the new IDW Mad Magazine book.

 Here's (above) one of the inside covers.

If some of the pages look yellow that's because the originals photographed for the book turned yellow with age. Speaking as a collector, I value that. I also value the printer's notes, white out splotches, and coffee stains. The pages here are the same size and state as the originals.

Later that night I went over John's to watch the latest UFC fight. Wooooow! If you tuned in then you saw what the announcer called the best kick delivered in the history of the UFC.

Before going to bed I took a close-up picture of my face in the bathroom mirror. I feel silly for posting this, especially since it calls attention to what looks like a really bad shave and to skin covered with mange. What I like about this picture is the inherent drama in close wide angle facial shots. Geez, what you can accomplish with ordinary snapshot cameras these days is nothing short of miraculous!

THEORY CORNER REVIEWS "WRECK-IT RALPH"

Or rather I'll comment on the villain in that movie, King Candy. First, a disclaimer: I've only seen the first half of "Wreck-it Ralph" so I'm in no position to judge the entire film. King Candy (above) didn't appear til the second half, and I've only seen the character in YouTube fragments like the one above.

Anyway, Candy doesn't seem destined to be one of the great screen villains. He has an appealing character design, and some of his animation is nicely done, even so.....I can't understand why the filmmakers didn't come up with a stronger bad guy. Some good people worked on this film so the absence is hard to explain.

My guess is that the filmmakers were seduced by the nuanced acting possibilities presented by Ralph so they gave him all the screen time. I have to admit that it was hard to take my eyes off Ralph. He reminds me of the gentle giant in the Disney version of Jack and the Beanstalk. I love that giant, but.....BUT.....he was the villain in that story and that's where the most artful nuances belong in animated dramas....in the villain, not the hero.

While we're on the subject of villains I'll mention that My two favorite favorite Disney villains were the witch in Snow White and Captain Hook. Hook was an egotistical fop who was alternately silver-tongued, and over-the-top maniacal. You can get good set pieces with a character like that. I'm guessing that he was the inspiration for my favorite modern animated feature villain, The Blue Meanie.

The Meanie (above) would have been a perfect fit for Wreck-it Ralph. He was funny and imaginative, and the audience would have had fun impersonating him. He was a terrific counterpoint for the laid-back Beatles and might have set off the partially laid-back Ralph as well.

But I'm not suggesting that the Ralph crew should have stolen the Blue Meanie. He's been done. I bring him up because he illustrates what the best animated villains do...they provoke the audience to talk about them in the office and the schoolyard the next day. I don't know about you but I was imitating the Meanie for years after I first saw him. Ditto Darth Vader.

Come to think of it, I'm still imitating Hook.

MY DINNER WITH MIKE

Er...change that to read, "My LUNCH With Mike." I didn't get any photos of Mike because he wouldn't co-operate.

Anyway, the lunch was this Saturday and we both had a recent acquisition to show. Mike brought a totem pole he just got off the net. Nifty, isn't it? It's hard to get a good totem pole for anything less than a king's ransom. He also brought the rubber chicken that used to be on top of his refrigerator. He said it was mine if I wanted it because he's had it for ten years now and it's all dry and cracked. For a moment the thought crossed my mind that it might make a good Mother's Day present but I thought better of it.

Oddly enough, the rubber chicken attracted a few people to our table, including a guy dressed in a pricey black body suit and black cap. He looked like an agent of Spectre. When he left I remarked to Mike that he dressed like someone famous, someone very Beverly Hills. Mike said I missed the Ralph's Supermarket emblem on his shoulder. Mike recognized him as the guy who stacks the produce. That's how they all dress there. Holy Cow! Ralph's employees get to look like secret agents!

Mike also showed me his new slapstick. I had no idea what it was. It turns out that it's what clowns used to hit each other with. It's a paddle that makes a big "Whack!" noise without really hurting anyone. It's where the term "slapstick comedy" came from. 

For my part of the Show and Tell I brought out the dainty black hand I just bought for a few bucks at the local craft store. I told Mike I was thinking of buying a few and giving them out as Theory Corner awards in a ceremony celebrating excellence in student comedic animation.

The fingers would hold a picture of the world's funniest man, Percy Dovetonsils (above), and that would give the name to the award: The Golden Percy. I thought it was a great idea but the whole thing mystified Mike. He wanted to know why I was calling it "Golden." It's black so it ought to be called "The Black Percy." He suggested that I have other awards called "The Hairy Percy" and "The Shaved Percy." 

Yikes! I didn't realize.....honestly, I....well, now I can't call it a Percy anymore.

BTW: The book I'm reading in the photo at the top is by R. L. Stine, a popular author of horror novels for eleven and twelve year-olds. I've never read anything he's written but the library put some of his books in the give-away bin and I thought I'd try one. Does anybody here have an opinion about this guy?

THE NEXT STEP IN CANINE EVOLUTION

I'll start with two questions: the first, will dogs of the future fly? Yes of course they will. They already fly if you count travel in airplanes. Geez, dogs have even been in space. When the day comes that humans fly around in jet packs, you can bet that dogs will tag along in jet packs of their own.

The second question: what will dogs of the future look like? No problemo, that's easy to answer. They'll look like us. Lots of them (below) already do.

You probably think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

When I was a kid lots of dogs still looked like modified wolves (above). Not any more.

Most modern breeds (above) look like teddy bears. They're fluffy little things.

But that's not the only change I've seen. Modern dogs love to kiss. When I was a kid dogs kissed less frequently, only when the dog decided we deserved it.  Now dogs are effusive. Even when in pain they want to kiss their masters. They're obsessed with it.

Amazingly, humans kiss the dogs back!!!! If I'd done that when I was a kid my Dad would have freaked out. I can hear him now: "What's the matter with you? Don't you know where that tongue has been?" The thought of that would have been deterrent enough.

It's common nowadays to walk into a room and find humans and dogs kissing on the mouth.  It's embarrassing! I feel like asking the couple if they'd prefer to be alone.

But I said I said I was going to speculate on the next step in dog evolution. Brace yourself, because this is creepy. The next step is...are you ready?..... human expressions. Dogs get more expressive every day. Look at the way that dog above is looking thoughtfully at something offscreen.

Decades ago dogs (above) had the basic doggie emotions: happy, sad, eager, angry...stuff like that. Now you see emotions like arch, whimsical, bemused, and puzzled. Yikes! Dog breeders must be doing that!

Whether or not the dog (above) really feels those complex emotions is something only the dog knows. All I know is they increasingly have the appearance of having them.

It's disturbing. I want to be the only one in my house who's bemused. I don't want my parakeet or goldfish to look like they're wrestling with the great questions of philosophy. That's MY job!

BTW: Here's an interesting link on a similar subject from Roberto Severino:

http://dogbehaviorscience.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/100-years-of-breed-improvement/

COURSERA'S COURSE ON GREEK MYTHOLOGY (REVISED)

N C Wyeth did a good job on the Odyssey. I wonder why none of the translations I've seen use these pictures?

These are oil paintings, approximately 4' X 3'.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about is Coursera's currently offered course in Greek and Roman Mythology.

For those who are unfamiliar with it, a word about Coursera....

Coursera provides free college-level courses on the internet. You can audit the courses by simply watching the videos, or you can participate at a higher level by reading the assigned texts, taking tests, writing papers graded mostly by peers, and participating in class discussion on the net.

The only fee is optional...if you pass the course you might want to pay $30 or so for a certificate verifying that fact. Selected courses are accepted for full credit by over 2,000 American colleges. You can drop out at any time and the drop won't be held against you. Records are only kept on courses the student has successfully completed. And it's all free, did I mention that?

I know what you're thinking, that no internet course can compete with live teaching. My answer to that is...well, of course not. There's obviously no substitute for live give and take and for the role model offered by a gifted teacher. This is for people who can't do that, or who want to audit a difficult course like calculus before taking it again for credit in a live class.



My family (minus me) is taking Peter Struck's 10 week course on Greek and Roman mythology right now, and they're loving it. This morning they were telling me about the way different critics interpreted the The Odyssey through the ages. A classical Greek critic interpreted it as an allegory of the way the gods work on us through different parts and artifacts of the body like bile or the spleen. Hume thought the book was nonsense and ought to be forgotten. Heine (the 19th Century romantic) thought the story was a door into what would later be called the subconscious. Fascinating!

Here's (below) the reading list for the class.

I didn't take the course because only Homer and Virgil and possibly Hesiod really interest me, but Struck looks like a good teacher and it might have been fun to see what he had to say about the others.



There's an introduction to English Common Law course coming up that I have my eye on. It's an odd subject for a cartoonist to take, and I have no intention of ever being a lawyer, but I love the parts I've read of Blackstone's commentaries, and I'm curious to know more. Besides, if the class doesn't keep my interest I can drop it, with no penalty.

BTW: Struck is using the Fagles translation of The Odyssey, which he defended on a video. Some of the students pushed for the newer Lombardo version. See what you think...

 

BRING BACK 'THE CRISIS MEETING!"

No wonder Vaudevillians made so much progress in such a short time; they believed in holding crisis meetings. When an act failed to get a "wow" response, the troupe held a crisis meeting the moment the curtain came down. The agenda: "What did we do wrong!?"

These were serious meetings. Everyone knew that some other act was backstage with the theater owner at that very moment saying, "Did you see how nobody laughed at that last act? They obviously don't know what they're doing, and it's costing YOU money. Now, if you had put US in there..." The troupe felt it's very survival was at stake. They tried to isolate what the problem was and fix it then and there. That's a formula for progress. 

That's what modern animation needs...crisis meetings. We need a producer who is personally offended when another studio or another unit seems to be doing something better than his own.

I'm often amazed when companies don't take competition seriously. They're always ready with an excuse if the TV show or movie doesn't grab the public. Not enough people face the fact that shows fail because they're just not entertaining.

Bosses should get mad more often. The boss gave us all work in the belief that he would get a decent return on his investment. He's entitled to a righteous rant. Seriously, we should be ashamed if we don't deliver the goods.