MALE FACES TO DRAW

Wow! This must be one of the best ever pictures of a screen villain. The subject is, of course, John Carradine.

Carradine had a face that looked great when underlit.

Don't you think this guy (above) looks a little like a Don Martin character?

Who is this man (above)? Whoever he is, he fairly cries out for a caricature. Come to think of it, this pose reminds me of a caricature I once saw of John Maynard Keynes. Hold on, I'll look it up....

......okay, here it is (above), and it's by Low, the editorial cartoonist. I'm not a fan of Keynes economics but he inspired some good caricatures. The poor guy had the problem that lots of tall people have: "What'll I do with my legs?"

I'm not a fan of Samuel Beckett, either (above). I actually had to walk out of one of his plays, "Krapp's Last Tape", after paying full price. There was just no beauty in it, nothing to reward the audience for showing up. I have to admit, though, that he did take a good photograph. Geez, it kinda takes the sting out of old age if you get to look chiseled and cool like Beckett.

David Levine liked to caricature him (above).

And while we're on the subject of craggy faces, how about that ultimate craggy-faced poet....W. H. Auden? In old age his face retained youthful proportions but his skin looked like a road map. 

  

Once more (above), a caricature by David Levine. Levine loved to draw wrinkles.

THE CAR OF THE FUTURE

In a minute I'll reveal to you the design that the auto industry has obviously picked for the official design motif of the future. 

I have to caution you not to make cat calls or stomp on the floor if you discover that your favorite design wasn't chosen. This is a dignified presentation that showcases the talent and wisdom of the best automotive minds of our time. By our good behavior, let us show our gratitude to them for sharing with us.

Among the readers who may be disappointed are the tail fin afficianados. 

As a Wally Wood fan I myself fall into that category. Wood defined the future for me, and it included cars that looked like rockets. Woodians like me believe that everything needs tail fins, even a glass of milk.

I have to say though, that I wouldn't have been disappointed if the winner had been the aerodynamic bedroom slipper look that's been around since "Blade Runner." You can't deny this look has plenty of cool factor. 

Steam Punk fans no doubt would have preferred the Batmobile look. That wouldn't have been a bad choice either...hey, I love Batman!

But...the car makers have made their final decision and it doesn't include tail fins, aerodynamics, or the Batmobile look.

The car of the future won't look like a rocket, a slipper, or something Captain Nemo would have driven.

It's time to reveal what it will look like....

....are you ready for this?....

It'll look like (drumroll, please)....

.....like.........

....like.......

....like.........

....like.....

...like a KLEENEX BOX!

There it is, in all its stupid splendor! It's interesting, isn't it? It kinda makes you want to pull a Kleenex out of the top and blow your nose, doesn't it? 

All the big companies have versions of the Kleenex box: Toyota, Nissan, Honda, Kia and even Chevrolet. They have numerical model names like: The BB and the Xs. I suggest names like The Blandie, The Ugletta, and The Stupido.

What imaginative shapes! What bold, romantic detailing!

For those seeking an upscale Kleenex Box there's the VIP model of the Nissan Cube. What luxury! Our cups truly runneth over!

The fashion industry has already supplied us with the ideal wear (above) for the driver of such a car. 

Will the box justify the Kleenex peoples' expectations? Probably...there's a kazillion boxy cars on the street right now, and the number grows every day. There is a competing trend, though. That's the tiger-eyed, snub-nosed, bulldozer front that you see on some cars now. It takes getting used to, but I think some will prefer it to the box. 

*****************

To The G.I.s in Iraq and Afghanistan.......Happy Fourth of July, and thanks for sacrificing so that people like me can be free! 

VIRGIL'S "AENEID": WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT

 I'm writing about Aeneas (above), the towering hero of Rome's greatest epic poem,  Virgil's "Aeneid." My wife and daughter are reading it for a course on mythology, and I get to benefit from it too, just by hanging out and listening to them. What they've said has been so interesting that I can't resist writing about it. See what you think.

Aeneas was a Trojan in the Trojan War. The Greeks sacked the city and Aeneas escaped with his father and and son to a waiting ship. Like Odysseus, Aeneas and his crew wandered the monster-filled Mediterranean, only in his case he wasn't attempting to go home...he had a destiny.

Maybe the greatest obstacle on Aeneas's journey was his encounter with Dido, a princess of Carthage. She loved Aeneas fiercely and he stayed with her for years.

Let me digress for a moment to compare two painted versions of Aeneas and Dido hunting (the two pictures above). Look how much energy is conveyed in the larger of the two. That picture tells you all you need to know about Dido: how exceptionally suited for Aeneas she was, how she matched him in flare and virtue.

He might never have left Dido if not for the urging of the gods. One day on a hunting trip the clouds parted and Venus appeared to scold Aeneas. Why, she wanted to know, was he delaying the inevitable? There was that mysterious appeal to destiny again and Aeneas, bound by a sense of duty, obeyed. He immediately set sail for Italy.

When Dido discovered he was gone her grief knew no bounds. She ran herself through with a sword and crawled into a raging fire.

On the mainland Aeneas makes his famous trip to Hades where he asks his father (who had died on the journey) about the nature of his destiny.  To give you a taste of Virgil's literary technique, here's (below) the poet's description of Charon, the legendary boatman who ferries souls to Hell.

Aeneas meets up with his father and the nature of his destiny is finally revealed to him. He and his successors (which will include Romulus and Remus) will found Rome, what Virgil believes to be the greatest force for good ever to appear. The father mentions names (below) of great Romans yet unborn who will alter history, and explains why the world needs Roman virtue as much as it needs the technical and aesthetic qualities of the Greeks. 

He also encounters Dido with her wound still intact. He tries to explain why he left but she refuses to listen and flees to the comfort of her compassionate first husband.



For opera fans I offer this beautiful version of the key aria in Purcell's "Dido and Aeneas." The music has no catchy melody but is a sustained expression of anguish and dignity which manages to mirror the same qualities in some of Virgil's verse.

How does Virgil do it? His descriptions are sometimes very lean, as if he was writing an outline for a poem instead of the poem itself; and yet, so much of what he writes is memorable...you read it once and you can't get it out of your head. He seems to have the ability to make characters and events iconic. Aeneas doesn't just run out of Troy, he runs out with his talkative aged father over his shoulder. He doesn't just dally with Dido, he luxuriates in being loved by someone first-rate.

He also buys a lot of credibility with his ethos. For Virgil, the virtuous life, the life dominated by duty and knightly virtues is the only life worth living. In previous centuries every school boy read the Aeneid and thus was schooled in the art of being a civilized and virile man.

Fascinating stuff, eh?

WHY I NEVER GOT MY BACHELOR PAD

When I was a kid I was certain that my future home would look something like this (above). I really liked the bachelor pad look, even when I was too young to know what a bachelor was.

 I figured I'd have a chemistry lab (above) in the basement....

...and an electric lab next to that. You never know when you might need to resurrect the dead.

I'd have a sophisticated telescope (above) on the roof.... 

....and a Bat Cave and Batmobile. I thought I might even dabble in fighting crime.

Oh, and control panels....I wanted lots of electronics with viewing screens and control panels!

So, what happened? How come I never got my manly dream house (apart from the expense, of course)?

This (above) is what happened. I grew up and got married. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I got married. I wouldn't change that for the world. It's just that American tradition gives the girl a big influence in home decoration. If you're a guy and you muscle in on that your neighbors will think you're a monster.

Let's be clear about what we're talking about here. The girl who's going to decorate your manly dream house may have developed her taste while growing up in rooms like this (above). Yikes!

That extra room you were thinking of turning into a safari room?

Your wife may have other plans (above) for it. 

Let's face it, women are different than us. They're...I don't know how to say it....refined! When when they sit down to dinner they imagine they're on some country estate having high tea.  

You and I, being men, naturally think of a meal as "grub." We like to imagine ourselves in a cabin in the in the Klondike eating seal blubber with Bowie knives.

Fortunately rational people can resolve their differences by compromise. In the above example, the husband's desire for a safari motif neatly combines with the wife's desire for girly things. Problem solved...I think.

BTW: I showed this post to my wife, who thought it was funny but also appallingly inaccurate. I had to talk her out of demanding equal time.