NOBODY LETS ME TAKE THEIR PICTURE!

Yikes! I misspelled "Photographer" in the headline, and I can't change it. I guess I'm stuck with it.

THE NEW CAROL BURNETT DVD SET

A new set of Carol Burnett TV shows came out recently and my library got a copy. What a gold mine! Gee, I miss that show. Burnett played a host of characters that were just hilarious. Here (above) she parodies Norma Desmond from Billy Wilder's "Sunset Boulevard." 

And who's she sitting with? Is that Daddy Warbucks? No it's Harvey Corman playing Max, Norma Desmond's manservant.  Thanks to Mike for identifying these characters. 

I think this character (above, right) is called Eunice. Burnett played the role so well that you can't help but speculate that she grew up with a real Eunice in her life.

Haw! Eunice's mother (far right) sits with her legs far apart, which was strangely common among grannies of my grandmother's generation. Maybe that was a Flapper thing to do. 

Older women of that generation also stood up in an awkward way, like Carol does above. I wonder why. 

  

This (above) is from a flashback showing how Eunice was courted by her husband.

She wiggles out of his clutches and springs to her feet, as if she were delivering a manifesto. Note the see-through blouse...pretty racy stuff for 60s TV.

She did a great parody of beach movies. How do you like the way she dances the Hully Gully?

Here's (above) Burnett doing a dim-witted secretary, Miss Wiggins.

Tim Conway was her boss. I like the pot belly.

To get his secretary's attention he says, "Read my lips," and she does....diligently.

INTELLECTUAL PLAYHOUSE

EXT. SCANDINAVIAN TOWNHOUSE:

GUNNAR (VO): "Admit it, this talk we're having isn't going anywere is it? You'll come away from this visit disappointed, thinking I've let you down."

GERTRUDE: "You haven't let me down. Worse things will happen before the day's over.  They always do."

GERTRUDE: "I've come to the conclusion that life is essentially meaningless."

GUNNAR: "I'm going to get half a glass of water. Can I get you some?"

GERTRUDE: "Will the glass be half empty or half full?"

GUNNAR: "Er...half full."

GERTRUDE: "Then count me out. I don't believe in mindless optimism."

LATER, IN THE PARK: 

SVEN: "Gertrude, come away with me. You know me. I'm just a starving student and I have nothing to offer but squalor, but think of it...we'll be young together. There'll be wine and song and, well.....gusto."

GERTRUDE: "Gusto? What place does gusto have? At some point we'll be struck down by death and all our achievements will wither."

SVEN: "Then I guess this is good bye, Gertude. Good-bye."

GERTRUDE: "What's good about it? We're fallen creatures. Humans are fallen creatures."

LATER:

GUNNAR: "So you're back. I've been staring at a spot on the wall while you were gone. 

GERTRUDE: "Maybe I'll stare with you. Outside there's nothing but despair and hopelessness, just like in here."

GUNNAR: "Let's drift into the bedroom and have boring sex. There's at least a miniscule chance that it'll go well.

GERTRUDE: "Alright. I'll get the Abilify."

FIN

HOW CRIME COULD SAVE NEWSPAPERS

That's a real life crime scene above. This bathroom was the scene of a murder.... I don't know the particulars. If you're like me you won't be able to resist staring at it, maybe in the superstitious belief that a location can have a malevolent personality and can be a collaborator in violent crimes. Isn't that what Stephen King was getting at in "The Shining?" 

I covered up the gory part of the photo with scrap paper. That's because I want to demonstrate that even an empty room can be interesting if it's known to be the locale of a crime. Still pictures can be an amazingly effective medium for things like this. A newspaper might devote a whole 20% of a page to an empty crime scene photo like this.

  Newspapers are always looking for a way to stay relevant and one way to do that is to up their game by making their crime reporting more exciting. Big cities are plagued with crime and this is a way to turn a liability into an asset...well, sort of.

   

Newspapers can't compete with TV for breaking news, or with computers for quick summaries, but they're great for pictures people want to study, like the mugshots above. Readers like to linger on the faces of people in the news, even if those people are criminals. We're all interested in life's other side.

Newspapers also have the advantage that line drawings have more impact on pulp paper than on computer screens. I'm not sure why. Maybe the tactile grit of the paper has something to do with it. Maybe McLuhan's theory that imperfect definition increases viewer participation explains it.

I've long believed that newspapers should have an artist sketch what the police speculate happened at a crime scene. Of course the sketch only illustrates a first impression and may be made irrelevant by new facts as they emerge.

Lots of readers are amateur sleuths and they'd appreciate diagrams like the ones above.

Here's (above) a police shootout. No doubt the photographer risked his life to get the picture. Police should allow news photographers the freedom of movement necessary to get pictures like this.

Of course there's always the possibility that exciting crime reporting may inadvertently encourage wrongdoing. To counteract that the paper would generally show things from the point of view of the police. The worst kind of sociopathic career criminals would be treated in print as rats and predators.

Better crime reporting should be supplemented with daily photo essays emphasizing ordinary life in the big city. Here's an excerpt from a Life magazine essay in which a cameraman followed a doctor, a general practitioner, as he made his rounds during the day.

From a different essay here's (above) two women getting ready for a day at the beach. Good photographers can find a lot to shoot, even in surroundings as common as this one.

HOW WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS?

So how did you fare this Christmas? 'Get all your shopping done?

I used to dread Christmas shopping, but having a camera changed my mind. Crowds are fun to photograph. Unfortunately I can't post my own crowd pictures because they include members of my family, but these pictures I got off the net make the point nicely.

I had a terrific Christmas with all my kids and their significant others present. One of our dinner guests was a special agent with the FBI. We regaled her with questions about the Bureau, one of which was, "What's a special agent? Are some poor, forlorn agents designated as unspecial, disappointingly average agents?" No, it turns out that all agents are called special.

BTW, take a look at that old "FBI 10 Most Wanted" list above. Why don't newspapers carry that list anymore? Surely readers would like to see it. A more exciting reporting of crime would give papers a needed circulation boost.

My kids played a lot of video games while they were here, most of them from an internet game repository called Steam. Their favorite game was "The Stanley Parable (above)."

They were also partial to "Prison Architect. (above)."

I got lots of presents. Here's one of them (above). Can you figure out what it is? A microphone you say? Nope. It's a wine stopper! It's part of a kit that includes a wine thermometer.

Here's another...an elephant-size box of chocolates (above).

And still another....a reprint of a century old-book by Buffalo Bill Cody. It's a great read. I recommend it!

One of the things I gave my wife was a nifty microphone with a USB connector. BIG Mistake! She was certain that I got it for myself, which isn't true, but I confess to hoping that she would lend it to me sometimes. Geez, now I have to make it up to her somehow.


The church service on Christmas Eve was simple but surprisingly moving. The sermon reminded me of Linus's speech in the first Charlie Brown TV special (above).

CHRISTMAS EVE WHEN I WAS A KID

I was a kid TV was packed with Westerns. Like every other boy I saw Christmas as a time to load up on cowboy guns to shoot my friends with. But... hmmmm...wait a minute. That's a big subject that would require a whole post. Let me start over again.

Last minute shopping was the norm in those days. You bought most of your gifts in the week preceding Christmas. I did my kid shopping at the local hardware store but my mother liked to go to the big downtown department stores, and she'd take me with her.

The window displays there were the talk of the town. The people nearest the window were invariably kids. No kid near the glass would give up his spot voluntarily so the kid behind had to artfully nudge him aside without seeming to do it.

You did it by insinuating your shoulder into the tiny space between two kids, then a whole arm, then your body, taking care never to look at the kid you were displacing. I was good at it, but no sooner was I in than some other kid would start nudging me aside.

Inside the store the competition for breathing space was fierce. The squeeze was so great and the air so foul that sometimes I had to fight to stay conscious.

On Christmas Eve night we'd decorate the tree. The rule was: do everything in excess. Cover the tree with tinsel and balls til the poor, drooping tree was covered with  sentimental spaghetti. Of course we used the biggest, heaviest, fire-prone lights we could find, the kind that are called "outdoor lights" now. A few people used the tiny lights but they were regarded as mavericks and misfits.

After the tree was decorated we'd get on our coats and walk around the neighborhood looking at our neighbors' lawn decorations. Some people covered their houses with lights. That seems a bit gaudy to me now, but at the time I thought it was the height that beauty could reach. I was awed.

Back at home we listened to soulful Christmas carols or watched variety shows where the celebrity host would take you home to meet his family.

Finally it was time to go to bed, and that's when the stockings were hung. Mine was usually a knitted cloth stocking that was criss-crossed with pesky fibers inside.

Parents liked to stuff stockings with oranges and chocolate coins but on a good year you'd find a Chinese finger trap and a back scratcher. If you were really lucky you might get an Adam's magic trick, like the cup and ball or the sliding drawer that made nickels disappear.

Even going to bed was special on Christmas Eve. My mother would put on starched sheets and take extra care in tucking me in. The rest of the year I'd cringe under the blankets fearing monsters from the closet, but not on this night. On Christmas Eve night I'd lay in the dark listening for the arrival of Santa, ready to stay up all night if necessary.  I probably fell asleep within ten minutes.

Aaaargh! I'm too sleepy to continue. Merry Christmas Everybody!