YES! When I was at school this happened when I sat next to my then girlfriend infront of the whole class. I never noticed at the time but a rumor was spread that I had a rocket in my pocket. That girl was smokin' hot and I got so much grief from other jealous horny teenage boys. I don't really wear baggy trousers anymore so it doesn't happen as much but I'm always conscious enough to look out for it!!!
Is it worse to just leave it looking like you're locked and loaded or to get caught in the prolonged struggle to pat the poof down, fold it over and/or otherwise adjust the offending article?
I feel so much better about myself now that I know I am not the only one to suffer. I have some shorts that are especially horrible in that way. I would have to say I prefer this to the opposite, where the pants are fine standing up, but when you sit down all the material in front gets sucked to the back and crushes everything under them. Sitting down has become part of my trying on clothes routine.
The opposite problem is just as annoying--you find a pair of pants that appear to fit just fine when standing up, but as soon as soon sit down, it's like your junk has been stuffed into compactor.This is even worse when you work at a job that requires a lot of sitting down. You can't take your pants off at work, although when I had a private office,I would sometimes change into sweat pants, to avoid wrinking my dress pants, but to mainly avoid cutting off necessary circulation.
When I was in the military,I took the time to have all my uniforms tailor fit, and I rarely have any trouble when renting formal attire, but man! Since I became a civilian, it is such an ordeal to find a pair of jeans that actually fit properly.
Most pants made today seem to be made for fat,shapeless men (maybe it's a reflection of our ever widening populace)Or rail thin flamingco dancers-no comment.
Zoe, your "retractable crotch" pants idea sounds like the answer!
I don't know why more people haven't commented on it in popular media. Well, I guess the kind of pants that do that aren't popular with the kids these days.
spanish class in sophomore year of high school. I get a seat right next to this men girl i happen to have crush on. My pants do the crazy phantom boner effect. She pointedly asks me about what's going on in my pants. "Nate, what's that. Is that for me/" she says in a sort of condescending you-will-never-have-me voice. I hastily respond fumbling over my words trying to explain a the phenomenon to a girl who has always worn skin tight pants. I think iget halfway through the phrase, "NO NO! it's not... It's the pants..." before the teacher scolds me for talking in class.
34 comments:
YES! When I was at school this happened when I sat next to my then girlfriend infront of the whole class. I never noticed at the time but a rumor was spread that I had a rocket in my pocket. That girl was smokin' hot and I got so much grief from other jealous horny teenage boys. I don't really wear baggy trousers
anymore so it doesn't happen as much but I'm always conscious enough to look out for it!!!
YES.
iIt's almost like you know everything about me, Eddie. How is that?
My friend Justin describes this problem as "tenty pants."
Don't worry, Eddie, you're not alone!
Is it worse to just leave it looking like you're locked and loaded or to get caught in the prolonged struggle to pat the poof down, fold it over and/or otherwise adjust the offending article?
These are the questions that plague mankind.
i thought it only happened to me! I never talked to anyone about it!
There was an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where Larry David was cursed with the same pants problem.
FWIW...
Solution:
The Retractable Crotch! Special drawstrings you can pull as you sit down. There's millions to be made here, Eddie...
Beautifully illustrated Uncle Eddie! I spit my coffee!
>>>>There was an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" where Larry David was cursed with the same pants problem.
http://www.dailymotion.com/relevance/search/Curb%2Byour%2B/video/xjb55_curb-your-enthusiasum-101
There you go.
That happens to be even when I'm standing up! Looks like Im packin a soap dish!
Love the graphics Ed. The look of horror!!!!
the problem is pleated pants- i have learned to avoid pants with pleats in the front.
I feel so much better about myself now that I know I am not the only one to suffer. I have some shorts that are especially horrible in that way. I would have to say I prefer this to the opposite, where the pants are fine standing up, but when you sit down all the material in front gets sucked to the back and crushes everything under them. Sitting down has become part of my trying on clothes routine.
The opposite problem is just as annoying--you find a pair of pants that appear to fit just fine when standing up, but as soon as soon sit down, it's like your junk has been stuffed into compactor.This is even worse when you work at a job that requires a lot of sitting down. You can't take your pants off at work, although when I had a private office,I would sometimes change into sweat pants, to avoid wrinking my dress pants, but to mainly avoid cutting off necessary circulation.
When I was in the military,I took the time to have all my uniforms tailor fit, and I rarely have any trouble when renting formal attire, but man! Since I became a civilian, it is such an ordeal to find a pair of jeans that actually fit properly.
Most pants made today seem to be made for fat,shapeless men (maybe it's a reflection of our ever widening populace)Or rail thin flamingco dancers-no comment.
Zoe, your "retractable crotch" pants idea sounds like the answer!
Go with it, man just go with it.
I don't think you have a problem with your pants Eddie, just you XD
AUGH!! My archnemesis!!
I don't know why more people haven't commented on it in popular media. Well, I guess the kind of pants that do that aren't popular with the kids these days.
I hate looking like I have a 2-inch boner.
On johns blog he said you were going to post on ren & stimpy... I hope you still are!
The curse of packing a large dong.
:-P
bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Those sketches are great, and I do feel for you gentlemen.
It usually happens with pants that have pleats in the front. The brand that was notorious for this phenomenon was Dockers.
There was also an episode of The Drew Carey Show that used this phenomenon as the joke.
Look at it this way - it makes you look "gifted" - *wink wink*.
Why is this a problem? It creates false advertising, and gets me dates!
I like all the synonyms for "erection" that are, er, popping up here. "Rocket in your pocket." "Locked and loaded." *snicker*
Pop goes the Weasel!
My favorite:
purple-headed yogurt slinger!
Good heavens! It happens to me whenever I wear my spiffy pleated trousers!
spanish class in sophomore year of high school. I get a seat right next to this men girl i happen to have crush on. My pants do the crazy phantom boner effect. She pointedly asks me about what's going on in my pants. "Nate, what's that. Is that for me/" she says in a sort of condescending you-will-never-have-me voice. I hastily respond fumbling over my words trying to explain a the phenomenon to a girl who has always worn skin tight pants. I think iget halfway through the phrase, "NO NO! it's not... It's the pants..." before the teacher scolds me for talking in class.
"Another reason not to wear 'em"
natebear, by the way you're lucky a hot girl you like is noticing you that much.
You should hvae come back with a funny comeback. Girls love that!
"Nate, what's that. Is that for me?"
"Well I was gonna give it to you for Christmas, but you can unwrap it now if you want!"
Or better yet: something funny!
Craig, Queefy: Thanks for the links! "Curb" is a really funny show!
Jennifer: Feel doubly sorry for me! I can't find anything that fits anymore! What's wrong with the world!?
Kali: "Purple yoghurt spitter"!? That's such a new-age name!
Giant buldges are something a boy should blame his own anatomy on, if he wants to get anywhere good
I suffered puffy crotch yesterday. I usually suffer it in Ralph Lauren jeans.
That's why I don't buy pleated pants. If you sit while wearing them, you look like you're wearing adult diapers or something!
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