Friday, January 04, 2008

AAAAARRRGH!

"THE PRINCESS & THE GIANT"

(It's kind of clunky, but it's 4:15 AM and I've gotta get to bed)


Princess: "I LOVE TO TRY ON DRESSES!"




Princess: "Whaddaya think!? I bet you never saw me wear this dress before! It was expensive but I couldn't resist it! It's better than anything that slut Suzy wears, but she'll never admit it!



Princess: "Anyway, I'm really not in the mood to hear what Suzy thinks about anything, and what about Sonja and Jezebel!? Janie and Valery went shopping yesterday, and Sonja invites herself along...can you imagine that!?



Princess: "Of course Suzy's always hitting on Marvin and Marvin deserts me with the lame excuse that he had to go out of town on business! I told him to go ahead, see if I care...and he did! I said 'Fine, go! Good riddance! See if I care!' "



Princess: "Hey, I'm a princess! I could have Suzy's toes pulled off......Haha! Just kidding!"



Princess: "Why are men such jerks!? They always want just one thing!"




Princess: "Men should be like Giants! They never think of doing the nasty!"




Princess: "Anyway, Marvin can rot for all I care! If he came and begged me to take him back, what would I do? Nothing! The big zero! He can have Suzy if he wants her because I'm past all that!"



Princess: "I'm a princess! I'm rich! I could wear two new dresses every day if I wanted! What do I need men for!?




Princess: "Here, take these shoes!"




Princess: "Everybody thinks you find happiness by finding one special person that you share your life with, but I don't think that's how it works. Look at all the people who believe in that, they're all still looking, you know what I mean?"



Princess : "Here, take this scarf!"



Princess: "Me, I don't need the Marvins of the world. I'm a free spirit! I have a brain and a body and that's all anyone needs!"




Princess: "I greet life with a smile. I feel the sensation the of morning dew on my skin. I wait for Mr. Sun to come up and fill me with...with love energy!"



princess: "Get rid of this, will ya? Where's my other dress?"




Princess: I should write a book! I'd call it, 'Why I don't Need Marvin!" No wait... how about, 'Why Marvin Sucks!' "




Princess: "There's no perfect person who can make you whole, that's what I learned."



Princess: "If you wait for another person to fill you up, you could wait for years! A girl has to rely on herself! I want to be filled up now! Now! I say, 'Fill me up now!!!!!' Hmmm.... where's that blue dress?"

Princess: "It's all about karmic energy! The only way you can ever feel strong and secure is when you're giving it to others instead of wishing they would give it to you!" Give it to others, I say! Give it to others!!!!"



Princess: "Give that energy!!! Give!!!! GIVE!!!!!"

Giant wordlessly mouths, "Thank you, God! Thank you!"



KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!



Continued below.....

11 comments:

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Oh yeah...Thanks to Harvey Kutzman for the idea that grown men letch after Barbie dolls!

Jeff Koval said...

Ha ha! Great stuff.

Anonymous said...

The best photoplay yet! You make a fine girl-ogling goon.

amir avni said...

Great facial expressions Eddie!

Sean Worsham said...

Eddie, you should get a myspace account. I want to add you as a friend.

J. J. Hunsecker said...

>>Oh yeah...Thanks to Harvey Kutzman for the idea that grown men letch after Barbie dolls!<<

Is THIS what you are talking about?!?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Hunsecker: Yep, that's it! A collaboration of Kurtzman, Gilliam and Cleese!

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Sean: I don't understand MySpace. Blogs seem like a better way to communicate since you can talk about things in more depth there.

boootooons ltd. said...

wow. i thought i was the only one who'd seen that kurtzman / gilliam / cleese thing.

first time john and terry had ever worked together.

- trevor.

ps: myspace is nothing more than a popularity contest. and i WON! woo hoo!

Some Guy said...

Myspace is the stupidest thing on the planet. So is Fackbook. Yeahm it's a tie, what of it?

ChrisL said...

eddie, have you considered taking a bunch of these posts and making a book?