Thursday, April 10, 2008


I guess if I were rich I'd engage in the same mixture of shrewd investment and philanthropy that most rich people engage in now...but what if I was a special case? What if a rich benefactor left me his fortune, but only on the condition that I spend it for luxuries? Does that ever happen? It must have happened to somebody, somewhere...why not me? I've already prepared for the day the phone call arrives!

First off, I want to be surrounded by an entourage of naked women (above). They should go with me everywhere I go. 

I make an exception for the mens room. In that case they should wait outside (above) and cheer when I come out. 

But let's be practical. During the winter months it gets cold and then I'd permit them to wear little mini-fur coats (shorter than shown above). I would wear only pajamas and they would keep me warm by bundling all around me when we walk. 

I must have a pet lion....

...but I think I'd prefer to walk it while slowly driving in some kind of cool car with my women. I'd drive only on the sidewalk of taxes would entitle me to that.

Lots of rich people live in castles or mansions.  Not me. I want to live in a super-modern house high atop the middle of a large and interesting city. 

I'd expect my architect to come up with something exciting and different.  How do you like this hallway? Not much room to walk, but it's sooooo cool!!!!!!!

And furniture? Only the best! 


Josh "Just What the Doctor Ordered" Heisie said...

The first thing I'll have when I'm rich is secret passages. Trap doors, swinging book cases, sliding panels, turning walls, the works.

And giant tiki heads.

lastangelman said...

Today, I'm speaking English in very bad

I like a your style.

The naked women ... they should all be artists ... painters ... sculptors ... origami ... video ... photography ... and all be working on one subject ... guess!

The house, yes it looks like George Jetson house, very nice, and the lion, better than that Astro, yes, yes. Perhaps a cheetah or a panther, yes, that's a nice, a blue panther, with a white cockatoo perched on your shoulder, no talking, is very distracting, and they is very wise assing to begin, you know, no, well, you will, yes, so, a no talking cockatoo, yes.

Me, I like underground house, all comforts, all mod cons, big secret, no one see anything but green grass and cow, yes, and house is a under the ground, very nice. When I get such luxury money, if when I get such money, then I live like Woody Allen in Sleeper, all future but no Beetle, it is no good, get Dick Tracy car, yes

OK I my cold medication and Tanqueray make me sleep now. I like the blog post and the strange naked women, yes.

I dream, now

pop;yeah said...

i'd love to live on the top floor of some aristocratic resaurant.

in new york, or london.

Booo Tooons Ltd. said...

If I were rich, I'd start a Gynacology practice, but I'd hire the dude who worked outside Studio54 back in the 70's to only let in the hot young ones.

There would be a flashing neon sign in the window saying 'NO FATTIES OR GRANNY SNATCHES'.

AND! Like Josh said and Webster had, I'd have secret passages too... in case a few uggos broke in armed to the tampons with feminist threats, I could escape post haste!

I've given thought to this too.

- trevor.

PS: Thanks for commenting again on our blooog, Eddie! Always good to hear from you.

amir avni said...

Hey Eddie

What's your email?
Can you drop me a line at ?


Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Amir: Recently a friend told me a horror story about a blogger who gave out his web address and now I'm paranoid about it.

Trevor: Many thanks, but I already have a version of that!

Pete Emslie said...

Eddie, just don't go wearing those dangly earrings like the dude in the top photo. Remember, you're a manly man who eats tangerines like Zorba!

Thad said...

Eddie, I like the way you think!!

lastangelman said...

Today, my English better
Okay, instead of an e-mail address, you can set up a MySpace account. You decide who are your "friends", who you accept messages from,etc. It's not a perfect system, but it does the job, far better than Facebook. Ask Kali or Katie or John K about to set up, if you're a little unsure or phobic. It is a cool way to share photos and videos and slideshows and blogs.
Check out my MySpace page, as an example.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Last: I feel totally out of the loop where MySpace is concerned. You can't talk about theories there.

Come to think of it, I haven't theorized much lately, and this is supposed to be a theory site. I'll have to do something about that. God knows, there's lots of important things to talk about!

Booo Tooons Ltd. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve Schnier said...

When I'm RICH --

The first thing I'm gonna do is buy me a WWII PBY Catalina (flying boat), paint it black - with a skull and crossbones on the tail, get the cannons and machine guns re-installed -- and set out for the South China Sea to "settle a score".

Yep. That's what I'd do...

Which is probably why I'm not rich.

Steve Schnier said...

Then again, everyone in the South China Sea was really nice to me, last time I was there...

But it sounds much cooler to say, "I'm gonna settle a score" - than say for example, "stop in for coffee". Know what I mean?

The big black warplane with the skull and crossbones and "stop in for coffee" are a bit of a disconnect, don't you agree?

Booo Tooons Ltd. said...

No problem Eddie!

I'm sending a remastered version of Richard Williams' original 'Thief' to Kali and Steve at ASIFA, so if you want to see it, they'll have it ( and if you want your own, the offer still stands ).

I've also got a shit ton of extra features, deleted scenes and pencil tests.

I know if Richard Williams was a rich man, we'd be seeing the finished version the way he wanted. He said so himself.

- trevor.

Pete Emslie said...

Hey Steve, as a would-be pirate I don't think you know a starboard from a Starbucks. However, you've inspired me to compose the following sea shanty:

Avast, it's Cap'n Steven Schnier,
The world's most inept buccaneer;
He claims he wants to settle scores,
'Cause coffee grounds is grounds for wars!!
South China Sea he says was nice,
Though wenches there have pubic lice;
So raise a glass to Cap'n Schnier,
That blunderin' plunderin' buccaneer...

pappy d said...

If I were rich, I'd hang out with Uncle Eddie. Not that I don't like you guys but who's rich enough to keep up with my new lifestyle?


I'll bring my posse & you bring yours, & we can watch them make out.

Money is just wasted on your average billionaire!

Steve Schnier said...

Avast ye, Petey!

You have much too much free time. But thanks! (Keep plugging the movie!)

NateBear said...

i would buy super powers. Like Lex Luthor.