"Begin the way Zorba would, by smelling the fruit. Even the skin of a tangerine is fragrant! Notice the little lunar bumps and valleys. This is the way your skin looks to a flea!"
Don't just peel the tangerine...violate it! Risk going to jail over it! Be Zorba the Greek! Rip that little sucker apart!
"Oops! I forgot about the strings! Isn't life always like that? Just when you're having fun you discover the strings!"
"Well, there's nothing for it but to let the strings fall willy-nilly to the ground. Don't be a dweeb and put them in the wastebasket. Zorba rips his fruit and doesn't worry about the consequences!"
"Now lovingly apply the fruit to the tongue. Tomorrow everybody on the net will have photoshopped a penis into this picture, but I include it anyway, because I like the angle."
"OK, there's even more seeds. Actually they never end. Every tangerine has more seeds than the total volume of the fruit. It's a mystery. Don't try to understand it."
"Zorba would have just wiped his hands on somebody's sleeve, but I have a six month-old restaurant towelette, so I think I'll use that."
"Smell the exotic perfume. How many camels in how many caravans were necessary to bring this precious scent to the West?"
"Now wipe the fingers, taking care not to miss a single spot."