Showing posts with label small. Show all posts
Showing posts with label small. Show all posts

Friday, October 07, 2016

ADVICE TO THE TALL


It's presumptuous but it has to be said: tall people need lessons in being tall. I don't see anybody else stepping up to the plate, so I'll take a crack at teaching it myself.

First off, you talls need to stop slouching and stooping. Stand up straight! Be proud to be tall! Do what Abraham Lincoln did: wear a top hat, be thin, wear stovepipe pants. Emphasize your height, don't de-emphasize it. 


Throw out your oversized furniture and start shopping for tiny furnishings at kids stores. You'll want teeny weeny chairs (above) that require high knees when sitting. 

Kid furniture is the most uncomfortable furniture in the world... even kids hate it. I sympathize, but you need to buy it anyway. 


When looking at something on the ground, always keep the legs straight and bend drastically at the waist. It's a good look for a tall man (above). 

I'll digress to mention something I recently read: namely, that over a hundred years ago there were still some Chinese who had never seen a westerner except in reprints of English cartoons. Since the cartoon characters were all stiff legged (like the one above) lots of these Chinese concluded that Englishmen didn't have knees! Wow! That's the kind of audience every cartoonist craves!



Back on topic: choose friends who are smaller than you. That'll make you seem taller. 


I have a short friend and we get along great. Being the taller person, I help him screw in light bulbs and...

...he helps me find contact lenses.    

That's all I have to say about the tallness per se, but I have something to say about tall TV. Isn't it time that tall people had a TV network of their own? On the Tall Channel the ordinary people of the world would be portrayed as incompetent bunglers...people who can't do anything right. Only the tall detective could put together the clues that break the case.


I suppose pesky small people would horn in and demand a channel of their own.  Well, I understand that. It must be frustrating to live in a world dominated by ordinaries.


Even so, the smalls will just have to wait. 


Tall people have suffered too long.