Monday, December 31, 2007
MY FIRST YOUTUBE VIDEO!
Thursday, December 27, 2007
FAMOUS POETS GO DOWN IN FLAMES
Why do modern poets have such a difficult time writing about Christmas? Take a look at this fragment of a poem (below) by Auden (Most of the poems are represented by fragments to save space...you're not missing much, believe me).
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The "ingression" of love? The "abiding crag" is "on" forgiveness?? Did Auden even think about this when he wrote it? What a shabby effort!
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Modern Christmas poems are often downright depressing. No "Jingle Bells" or "Deck the Halls" for us. Here's part of one by James Dickey. It makes me want to commit suicide. Modern poets are a sad lot, maybe that's why I seldom read them.
It must really gall modern poets that the most popular Christmas poem is still the happy one written by Clement Moore 140 years ago:
It's an unusual picture because Christ is portrayed as playful and Mary is positively jovial, as she must have been sometimes. It's a touching picture even though the right side seems to be making a different point than the left side. The colors and rendering are nothing less than masterful.
The "ingression" of love? The "abiding crag" is "on" forgiveness?? Did Auden even think about this when he wrote it? What a shabby effort!
"Little silent Christmas tree/ you are so little/ you are more like a flower/...were you very sorry to come away?" Ugh! It (above) sounds like the something the big, dumb, dog in the Screwy Squirrel cartoon would have said! E.E. Cummings wrote this turkey!
This one (above) is slightly better than the others, maybe because Eliot was a believing Christian, but it has some pretty clunky parts. What is this about the the camels being "galled, sore-footed and refractory?" Why the academic language? The idea of poetry as a celebration of common feeling is lost here.
Older Christmas poems, especially the ones that double as song lyrics, are much more to my liking: "Away in a manger, no crib for a bed/ the Little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head." Why can't our poets write something simple and elegant like that? Imagine if Auden had written "Away in a Manger:" "Stuck here in an ingressing manger/ The man-god thrust his head on the abiding crag."
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse."
The mouse is not "galled, sore-footed and refractory." He's just a mouse.
By the way, while I was looking for a picture to illustrate this post I stumbled on this (below) picture of the Nativity by Rubens. Here's a detail...
The mouse is not "galled, sore-footed and refractory." He's just a mouse.
By the way, while I was looking for a picture to illustrate this post I stumbled on this (below) picture of the Nativity by Rubens. Here's a detail...
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007
MY CHRISTMAS SO FAR
I had a great Christmas; I hope you did too! That's me above, looking unexpectedly like a figure on a 50s jazz album.
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A proper tree scrapes the ceiling. A proper tree is so big that that it leaves no room for people. A proper tree is hard to get through the door and provokes endless arguments among family members. A proper tree scratches furniture, knocks things off shelves, and gets sap all over fingers. Proper trees are expensive, and most people will experience years when they can't afford them, but families who've had a good year tempt the wrath of the gods when they try to chintz. Better to skimp on presents than skimp on the tree.
And presents...this is the year that I'll be remembered as a bum because I got my wife a digital video recorder. Her girlfriends call and ask what she she got and there's always a long pause when she tells them, followed by "He got you.....WHAT?" Somehow it got around that only beasts buy their wives electronics.
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I told this to my neighbor and he said, "Why didn't you get her a gift certificate for some beauty treatments in a spa? You know, one of those places where they put mud and cucumbers on you?" I have to admit that I thought of that but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm a guy and like most guys I'd rather set myself on fire than go into a place like that. Oh well, I'll make it up to her this weekend... but the blemish will remain for years, I can tell.
Anyway, everything else about the holiday was great! What a really profound time Christmas is! I'll write about it later!
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By the way.... have you ever noticed how Christmas trees mirror the personality of the person who trimmed them?
Monday, December 24, 2007
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR THEORY CORNER READERS!
THE PARKING LOT STORY
Players: Martin Olsen & Eddie Fitzgerald
Eager Young Assistant: "I'm cut out for it! I'm cut out for it! I just need a chance!"
'Nothing is more important than the art of maneuvering for advantageous position' -- Sun -Tzu."
Supervisor: " 'Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived stop and go in.' -- Napoleon."
Sunday, December 23, 2007
THE PARKING LOT STORY (CONTINUED)
Supervisor: "You let a girl beat you up?"
Eager Young Assistant: "Mmmmph!"
Eager Young Assistant: "Uh...cars?"
Supervisor: "And whose cars are they?"
Eager Young Assistant: "Um...the little girl's cars?"
Supervisor: "No, they're YOUR cars! You paid for them with your blood and nobody can take them away unless they pry them away from your dead and bloody fingers!
Eager Young Assistant: "Bloody fingers!"
Supervisor: "You're a tiger, fighting for its territory!"
Eager Young Assistant: "I'm a tiger!"
Supervisor: "You're invincible!"
Eager Young Assistant: "Invincible!"
Supervisor: "Now get out there and take possession!"
Eager Young Assistant: "Take possession!"
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