Imagine my excitement when the editor of Theory Corner for Women burst into my office and informed me that if I hurried I might just be able to get an interview with the world-famous cartoonist and stud muffin, Uncle Eddie, at his fabulous Theory Mansion. I didn't need to be told twice!
It was night by the time I arrived at the house. Uncle Eddie's social secretary led me to the sprawling grounds in back, to a large outdoor hot tub. A maid was lighting up bits of paper in a nearby outdoor fireplace. When it flared up, she threw in kindling wood, then placed a few logs on top. Uncle Eddie was sitting in the in water, surrounded by candles, thoughtfully looking up at the stars.
One glance at Uncle Eddie and I almost forgot that I was a working girl. When he spoke to the maid his speech was odd, a little English or maybe mixed from foreign travel. He had a solid look, with gentle, squinty eyes, and sensuous buck teeth. His hair, almost grey, seemed impossible to keep down. After introductions were made, and Uncle Eddie graciously posed for a picture (above), the interview began.
TCFW: "Do you feel like living, Uncle Eddie?"
Uncle Eddie: "I always feel like living, as you call it. death is just death -- dying off -- disinterest in everything -- decay. And I am not decaying, I hope.
TCFW: "Are you a happy man?"
Uncle Eddie: "What does happiness mean to you? I mean, how do you equate it? For me it's all love, no matter what else you call it. Some people call it power, To me it's very simple -- love, love, love..."
TCFW: "But what kind of love? Body love, spiritual love?"
Uncle Eddie: "The whole works! No matter how it begins, it must end with the whole works -- that's how I look at it."
TCFW: "A woman needs that too...'
Uncle Eddie: "A woman needs many things -- but mostly affection, constant affection."
TCFW: "You make it sound simple."
Uncle Eddie: "I think we're talking too much about it, talking about something that needs very little speech."
The outdoor fireplace was sparking. A twig sprang out and fell on the ground between us.
Uncle Eddie: "This is the way the world will end. Not with a whimper, but with fire -- a big fire."
20 comments:
'Uncle Eddie: "A woman needs many things -- but mostly affection, constant affection." '
Very profound, Uncle Eddie, you hit the nail on the head.
You had me at "sensual buck teeth".
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAAHHAHHAHAAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
ROTFL
I thought Kali wrote this.
HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!
by the way, were you uncle oogle?
HAWHAHWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW
You must write porn, Uncle Eddie. Start a small filth column in a tiny corner of your blog. Then, as your prose intensifies, your readers will enjoy watching your column swell in vertical and horizontal dimensions, until it covers your whole blog page and literally bursts, spewing your descriptive genius everywhere. The next day you'd have to publish a paper towel.
So...you're Peter Sellers?
"I thought Kali wrote this."
I had no hand in this post.
Whit: Interesting idea!
I've been influnced by romantic French films of the 50s. In those film people have serious conversations about love that last for 15 minutes or more! They have dialogue like:
Pierre: I disagree with you Claude! Love is like a lion! It roars and the whole room trembles!
Claude: No, no no! You have it all wrong! Love, it is gentle like the lamb!
what are your thoughts on animated pornography eddie? There were a few movies made back in the 70's but the quality is really bad and theres always hentai but thats anime so thats out. I think a 100 million dollar animated erotic feature would be incredible, you and John could direct it and you could have a short 2 minute scene with penguins and use that as the trailer so children would watch it too!
The beret-wearing French are obsessed with lovemaking techniques and the endless discussion of them, through clouds of exhaled gallic cigarette smoke, as accordians play on in the background. They also drive petite wheeled bathtubs they call cars at high rates of speed on rural roads, thinking Albert Camus-inspired thoughts. I'll bet they got all of this into "Ratatoulie"
Animating porn is tricky. The Japanese made it work thru their stylization. Bakshi used brief nudity in some films but avoided really exploring eroticism, suspicious that cartoon sex just wouldn't play. Disney only approached it via their Walt-approved butt jokes, which degenerated from genial Christian playfulness in the 1930's to overt gay sex references by the "Hercules" era. Had Roy Disney not but the kebash on "Wild Life" the world would've been in for a real treat: Disney gags involving duality of the term 'man hole'! Somehow, Roy sensed that just wasn't family friendly for a company that lives by such public perception. In short, nobody has quite gotten erotica right in American animation yet. If John F. Kennedy had lived, this is exactly the kind of all-out government research initiative he'd have funded. "Forget war! America needs to integrate believable, realistic sex into cartoons within ten years." Can't you just hear the Ted Sorenson-written speech now?
Anon: Animated porn? I can't see it working. I can see erotic or sexy scenes working very well but not a whole film like that.
Anon: A great caricature of the French! Sad to say, I don't think they're like that anymore. They've been Americanized!
Anon: Disney almost did a sexy "Wild Life?" Are you sure? I never heard this before.
I think a Roger Rabbit type human/ animated character hybrid might be the best bet, perhaps Richard williams could be coaxed out of retirement to lead the project
Yes, 'Disney's Wild Life' was a real CGI animated feature film in development long enough to burn through a ton of money, until Roy Disney himself saw some footage and pulled the plug.
From what I saw the French haven't been americanized at all. Really. Truly.
Whit, Jenny: You guys are so sparing with information. Elaborate, please!
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