Saturday, October 31, 2009

WHAT MY HALLOWEEN WAS LIKE


Actually I had a terrific Halloween. I didn't make a "Tunnel of fear" this year, but I made lots of paper witches and goblins which I put out on the porch, and I got lots of really cute little kids at the door.


By far the most common costume was Snow White (above). There were zillions of plump little Snow Whites on my steps!


More than a few adult Snow Whites (above) too.


That's the "sexy" Little Red Riding Hood costume above. Boy, those "sexy" costumes sold big this year! I didn't actually see any Riding Hoods tonight but I show it anyway for the edification of my male readers.

Forgive me; I digress.



Now I'm a pretty good keeper of Halloween. That's because I realize that the whole kid year revolves around Halloween and Christmas. I don't know any other holiday where you can make so many people feel good with such a small investment of time and money. But....I confess that even I, Halloween enthusiast that I am, had one big lapse.

My name is eternally written in the Book Of Infamy, because one horrible year, maybe ten years ago, I darkened the house and pretended I wasn't home. I can't remember why, I just know that I'd been been feeling rotten and curmudgeonly all month. Maybe like Scrooge, I reasoned that kids should be working in textile mills and eating gruel for dinner on dirty benches. It was the winter of my discontent.



When the night came I parked my car a block away, so people would think I was out carousing. I darkened the entire house, which was devoid of decoration. It was a moonless night, and the trees and shrubs on either side of my lawn kept the house as dark and black as I've ever seen it.

The only light inside was the light from the TV which I kept so dim and nearly silent that I could hardly make out was going on...and even that was shut up behind closed drapes. It sucked to sit there in the dark like that, but I figured that I was at least safe from trick or treaters.



Well, to make a long story short, I wasn't safe. Millions of kids knocked on my door. I don't even know how they found the door without tripping in the dark. They even knocked on my window, with me sitting only a few feet away! I could hear them talking about me, wondering what happened to me.

Every new group had one kid who was an expert at ferreting out hiding adults. Just when the group would be ready to give up and leave, this kid would catch a stray photon from the TV and bring everybody back. I had to listen to whole debates about myself.



One line in particular stands out in my mind. I heard a mother talking to her kids as she approached my house with a flashlight, and she said "Wait'll you see this house. He always does something for Halloween, wait and see." She knocked and knocked, then I heard disappointed groans from the kids. Man, that hurt.



The next day seemed normal enough on the surface. None of the neighbors said anything insulting, but I could feel an icy radiation coming from them. It took six months for people to talk to me normally again.



So I'm a faithful keeper of Halloween again...not only because I love the holiday, which is so rich in color and imagination...but because I felt the lash administered to those wretches who fail to keep it.


18 comments:

ThomasHjorthaab said...

Hey Ed! That story is ready to be written and illustrated! Man that would be a great holiday book!

Cheers
-Thomas

Craig said...

Beautiful story Eddie. I understand. . .

Amanda H. said...

I ALMOST dressed up as a sexy Snow White but my Mom kind of curtailed me >_>
I know what you mean about kids getting involved and invested in Halloween. It used to be a really big deal for me and I would look forward to it all year. Now I dread because I never get invited to costume parties and I have nothing to do. :/

Anonymous said...

But,if that made its way into a
wild cartoon we would love it.

Shawn Dickinson said...

Hey Eddie, did the adult Snow Whites actually look like THAT? If so, please invite me over next year!

Whit said...

The facial profile of that devil in the last image bears an uncanny resemblance to Lyndon Baines Johnson.

Stephen Worth said...

This post is like the Halloween version of Dickens' Christmas Carol.

Nate said...

Can you post some photos from the actual Fitzgerald Manse? We'd like to see the handiwork.

Why do you keep us at arms length with all those stock internet photos?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Thomas, Craig, Steve: Thanks. I'm working on a story version right now, while the memory of this Halloween is still fresh.

Nate: Like so many other things these days, my camera came with a trillion page book of instructions. I still haven't gotten around to reading it.

Pete Emslie said...

Coincidentally, I decided to hide away in my darkened house this year and ignore Halloween. I pulled my car in the garage, turned out the lights and watched a James Bond film in the sanctity of my living room at the back of the house where no cathode rays can be detected from the front. Fortunately, the kids in my neighbourhood aren't as savvy as the ones in yours, and nary a doorbell ring was heard. YAY!

(Yes, I can be a curmudgeon...)

Thomas said...

Are you going to address that bizarre question from the guy who said he's married to cartoon characters? You said to remind you about it after halloween

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Pete: Tsk! Tsk! Shame on you! Well...shame on me too, but at least I regretted it.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Thomas: I'll answer it in the next post.

SlashHalen said...

If I went to an Alice Cooper concert instead of giving out candy to kids, does that mean I also neglected Halloween?

Jennifer said...

Two words - you rock!

I can understand having a time where you're not in the spirit of Halloween. I have a lot of things going on right now where I was just not feeling Halloween this year.

SlashHalen: I don't think that you neglected Halloween if you went to an Alice Cooper concert. Alice Cooper represents Halloween.

Jorge Garrido said...

I fucking hate Halloween.

Kelly Toon said...

this post about modern fireplaces made me think of you, Eddie:

http://multifuelstoves.org/2009/electric_fireplace_heater/15-awesome-ultramodern-fireplaces/

tim said...

Well at least you got some visitors... I was really looking forward to greeting the trick or treaters this year and the only one that we got was my own son... (my wife put him up to it) it was all rather a let-down really.

I echo Thomas's sentiment that your story would make a great kids book.