Monday, October 05, 2009

"SPACED PATROL!"


ANNOUNCER: "It's the "SPAAAAAACE PATROOOOOL!"



ESTABLISHING SHOT: EARTH -- OUTSIDE SPACE PATROL HEADQUARTERS -- ON THE SPACESHIP, "GALAXY EAGLE."

COMMANDER (V.O.): "Crew, I'd like you to meet our new recruit, Lt. Buzz Buzzly."



CAPTAIN SAVAGE: "Have a seat, Buzz! You're just in time for an urgent video transmission from the planet "Effluvia!"



EFFLUVIANS (VIDEO TRANSMISSION): "Earthlings! Your ambassador has contracted a rare Effluvian disease that's turned him into a giant."



EFFLUVIANS (CONT) (V.O.): "At first it was okay. He just sat around reading the newspaper."



EFFLUVIANS (CONT) (V.O.): "But then he got bored, and started ripping up houses. Whole towns have been wiped out!"



EFFLUVIAN: "The Counsel has ordered us to shoot him, but if you can get here fast with the antidote, we can cure him instead of killing him. The antidote is chocolate. You can't get that here, so we need you to bring some...fast!"



BUZZ: "Captain! I have all the chocolate you could ever want in my briefcase! I took it with me just in case the ship's food sucks. Er...No offense!"



CAPTAIN SAVAGE: "Good for you, Buzz! Then we'd better be taking off! Um, Buzz...you know how to fly a spaceship, don't you?"



BUZZ: "Fly a spaceship? Me?"



BUZZ: "Haw! Do I know how to fly the spaceship!? Oh, that's a good one! Do I...Oh, you sure know how to tell a joke, Captain!"



BUZZ: "Hmmmmm."























































DOCTOR PATRICIA: "Accute G force trauma. The Commander will live, but he's paralyzed below the waist."



CREWMAN: "Look! There's Effluvia, up ahead! Good thing you didn't leave that briefcase Back in your apartment!"



BUZZ: "Yeah, good thing!"



BUZZ: "Huh? Apartment!?"



BUZZ: "Ooooooh, I did a bad thing..."



COMMANDER: "What? No...no...tell me you didn't forget your......"



BUZZ: "Don't worry, Commander Sir! I'll go back and get that doggone briefcase and we'll be up again in five minutes, wait and see!"



BUZZ (HOURS LATER): "#@&%X futuristic cities! I can't find my apartment!"



BUZZ: "There we go, five minutes like I said."


DOCTOR PATRICIA: "G force trauma again. The Commander will survive but he'll be reduced to begging for the rest of his life, in a suit of filthy rags."



CAPTAIN SAVAGE: "Buzz, perhaps you'd like to introduce us to the lovely guest you invited on board."



BUZZ (V.O.): "Oh, that's Sally. I brought her along to guard the chocolate."



BUZZ: "She has disdain for anything fattening, so I figured the chocolates would be safe with her."



SFX -- (LOUD EATING) Crunch! Munch! CRuuuunch! MNCH! Muuunch! Crunch!







SALLY: "Um...er, sorry. I couldn't help myself. The candy looked so good."



BUZZ: "Don't worry Commander, Sir! I have more chocolates in my desk drawer on Earth! I'll grab a box and we'll be in the air again in five minutes, just you wait and see!"


BUZZ (HOURS LATER): "#@&%X!"



BUZZ: "Five minutes, like I said."



DOCTOR PATRICIA: "More G force trauma. The Commander will survive but he'll need to drink and speak through a pin-sized straw for the rest of his wretched life."



EFFLUVIANS (ON THE SHIP'S VIEW SCREEN): "Earthlings! We're very sorry, but we had to shoot your ambassador. He was eating us out of house and home!"



BUZZ: "Gulp! Does this mean no lunch?"









27 comments:

Craig said...

That got me where I live. Very funny. Only one thing though - - I could see YOUR strings.

Michael Sporn said...

A laugh riot of epic proportions. Hilarious work that brightened my day from the outset. Thanks for all the hard work you put into making it.

Anonymous said...

Hah! Reminded me a bit of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAXobwC8egA

Uncle Skip said...

A classic!!!

Kali Fontecchio said...

AH! That obese Barbie was hilarious!

Ken Mitchroney said...

HAW! Eddie i can still see your strings.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Craig, Skip, Kali, Ken: Many thanks!

Michael: Thanks! That WAS hard work. And I looked fat. I've gotta lose some weight.

Anon: Thanks! That has to be one of the funniest videos ever, that and the one where Dudley Moore and Peter Cook explain blues to an English audience.

Vincent Waller said...

Yay!

I.D.R.C. said...

You kill me. The peter Cook one was funny, too.

P.S. --As reluctant as I have been to start one, I guess I have a blog now. Is it still a blog if nobody reads it?

If I see some signs that anyone wants know what I think, I may continue it.

Jennifer said...

Uncle Eddie, I had a horrible day today, and your post just made my day. I laughed so hard!

Niki said...

Mr.Rogers, our ambassador has a ton of tatoos!

Anonymous said...

Jesus, do you and John get out at all?

Whit said...

This is better than any episode of "Space Patrol" or "Sheena of the Jungle", hands down!

david gemmill said...

Whoa. I don't know how you find all the random images and make them work together so well. nice work. too bad Nico can't film a live action show with you (hint cough hint)

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhS35f015SQ this is my fave pete and dudley vid

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

IDRC: I don't agree with your ideas, but I'm glad that you started a blog. It's a good forum for people who want to debate the underlying assumptions of left thinking, and not just what's in the headlines.

Anon: Yeah, it takes longer to do stories like this. Just to try something new and keep fresh, I'd love to give this blog an entertainment emphasis for a while, but I don't know if I could handle the work load and still have a life.

Jennifer, Whit, David, Vincent: Thanks much!

Niki: Yeah, he was military man wasn't he?

buzz said...

Very funny, Eddie! I always like those old 50s/60s space opera TV shows (and FIREBALL XL-5 was a fave).

Geeze, looking at the guages on gizmos on a B-29, it's amazing they were ever able to take off and land in one piece!

Jorge Garrido said...

Oh, jeez, I almost died laughing, Eddie! This is the best blog of all time!

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Anon: Funny police sketch drawings! You should never rob a caricaturist.

Anon, IDRC: I didn't print the political letters. What do they have to do with the Space Patrol?

Jorge: Thanks for the compliment! Are you really going to shoot a film? What kind of film?

Buzz: All those dials remind me of a Tex Avery cartoon!

Jorge Garrido said...

It's like this weird personal project, black & white movie on high definition digital video, like a film noir tragic romance about young people set to 90s emo music. Or is it romantic tragedy? I'd be honoured to send you the script or even just an outline when it's ready, although that won't be for a while.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Jorge: Why not break in with a short film first, something that can be shot in your own neighborhood, with non-professional actors? Maybe a fictional documentary.

talkingtj said...

iam still a huge fan of the whole supermarionation shows created by gerry anderson and your episode ranks as one of the best!extremely funny and well thought out! i always look forward to your for insight and humor and you never let me down!good on you!

Charles H. said...

Hahaa, that was absolutely brilliant! Sure made my afternoon.


(Effluvians... you don't suppose they had a BO problem?)

Jorge Garrido said...

Eddie, actually I was just thinking about doing a short first earlier today. My idea for my feature is something that really grabbed me, a lightning bolt from God that I really WANT to make, but at the same time, I know that you learn filmmaking by doing it. I know I don't have any skills yet, so the best way to build them up to make a good feature is to do other things first, including shorts. If I was smart, I'd make a short first.

But I hate short films. And I don't have an interesting idea for one. I don't even know how you tell a dramatic story in 15 minutes. And I don't want to direct anything I didn't write, at least not yet. I feel like I'd be forcing myself to make a short film I don't even want to make, and as an exercise, which doesn't sound fun to me at all.

You know what I mean?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Jorge: Thanks for the note. I'll answer in the post following this one.

RooniMan said...

Damn Barbies eating everything!Never trust those dolls.

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