Wednesday, October 19, 2011

STEVE MAKES SHISH KEBAB (PART III) (FINAL)

JOJO: "Well, here it is, all 367 pounds of it!"


HUNGRY GUESTS: "ME FIRST! NO, ME! GIVE IT HERE!!"


STEVE: "WAIT!!!!! Protocol demands that one who is virtuous and trustworthy sample the meal first so the gods of the dinner table will be satisfied that we gave it our best shot. I nominate Auralynn!"

HUNGRY GUEST: "Er...okay! (Gulp!)"


Auralynn takes a bite. The room goes silent as she carefully chews and swallows. She pauses...almost speaks...then pauses again........then, after the deepest reflection...

AURALYNN: "Yes, Stephen has produced a fine meal."

RELIEVED GUEST: "Thank Heaven! LET'S EAT!"


That did it! Everybody lays into the food.

CHOMP! EAT! RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! 


CHOMP! BITE! CHEW! CHOMP! GRAGGLE!


RIP! TEAR! CRUNCH! BITE! CHEW! MANGLE!




 CHEW! SNARSH! BITE!!!




CRUNCH! TEAR! RIP!




MUNCH! BITE! RIP!




SHRUMP! BITE! CRUNCH!


SLASH! BITE! MUNCH!!!




LATER....

ALL: (COLLECTIVE GROAN!)


They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon.
- - - Edward Lear



BTW: That great picture of Steve holding the kebabs close to his face in Part I was taken by Auralynn.


 

9 comments:

Joshua Marchant (Scrawnycartoons) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephen Worth said...

Epic!

Anonymous said...

Didn't comment cause I don't really have strong opinions on food but it was a fun read. http://www.salon.com/2011/10/20/vaught_imprint/ thought you might find this interesting.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Anon: My computer cut off the end of your link. The last letters I have are "vaug."

You SHOULD take an interest in cooking...unless you're fat. In that case cooking good food will make you even fatter. It's better to eat deliberately bland food if you have a weight problem.

If you're not fat, then what's stopping you? Cooking is an art form just like storytelling and music. It stimulates your intellect and makes the hard times easier to bear. It also helps to cement friendships.

Anonymous said...

the last part is _imprint/
salon.com/2011/10/20/vaught_imprint/

I am interested in cooking and try to eat well, I guess I meant to say that I don't have super strong opinions on the "right" way to cook a certain dish as long as it tastes delicious and uses good, fresh ingredients. Like I don't have a platonic ideal of Shish Kebob in my head to compare against Steve's recipe.

Anonymous said...

I mean I love people who are passionate about food and cooking but can't abide hardcore "foodies" (especially smug 20 somethings) who roll their eyes and snicker among themselves when they feel a dish hasn't been prepared fashionably "pineapple? What is this 1987?" etc.

Anonymous said...

You and your friends seem like the opposite of the type of food snobs I can't stand, just so you don't misconstrue that.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Anon: Holy Mackerel! That book you linked to looks great!!!!! Tomorrow I'll check to see if It's on one of the internet archives. Many thanks!!!!

Anonymous said...

archive.org/stream/vaughtspractica00vauggoog#page/n6/mode/2up