THERAPY FOR POETS (A THEORY CORNER COMIC)

I'm not scheduled for a new post today but I just stumbled on this comic I made a while back and I couldn't resist putting it up again...right now.  Be warned: it's a little hard to follow, and there's some misspelled words (but the word "Commics" is deliberately misspelled). It's about what happens when a hard-core realist like Joan Crawford joins a group therapy session for poets. 

CLICK TO ENLARGE:







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DINNER AT THE BAD SEED'S HOUSE

THE BAD SEED: "Dinner's almost ready, Uncle Eddie."

THE BAD SEED: "Mom said I should remind you in case you forgot the time."

UNCLE EDDIE: "Heh, heh. Well, I'm not likely to forget the time, my dear."

UNCLE EDDIE: "You see, I'm wearing the SEIKO ROYAL MARINER / MARK V!"

UNCLE EDDIE: "This baby is synced to quantum fluctuations in the barium atom. When Greenwich wants the time, they call me!"

THE BAD SEED: "Really? You mean it's better than my Ren and Stimpy watch?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Heh, heh. Let's just say that my watch's battery won't need replacement til the entropic death of the universe. The crystal was carried from Patagonia on the backs of perfumed donkeys with velvet booties." 

THE BAD SEED: "Does it have a beepy wake-up alarm like my watch?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Sure! It's the Berlin Philharmonic in Dolby Surround Sound."

THE BAD SEED: "Is it water-resistant like my watch?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "It'll last a decade on the bottom of the Marianas Trench."

UNCLE EDDIE: "And did I mention the carbon fiber hour hands with inlaid mother of pearl? No?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Or did I mention the watch band? Did I mention that it's made from flogged bumble bees that were humiliated under the full moon on humid, cricket-filled plains?"

UNCLE EDDIE: Yessir...I do like my little watch!"

UNCLE EDDIE (VO): "You'd just about have to kill me to get it away from me."

DINNER WITH "THE MIRACLE WORKER"

EXT. SOUTHERN MANSION.

SON (VO): "Meanin' no disrespect Father, but Helen's deaf and blind. Maybe you expect too much of her."

THE COLONEL: "Tarnation! What makes you think I expect too much? I let her eat off my plate don't I? I simply said she'd benefit from some table manners!"

THE COLONEL (CONT): "Bless her li'l heart! It's not her fault that she's filthy and disgusting, and possibly evil. She needs some tender, lovin' care."

THE COLONEL (CONT): "That's why I hired The Miracle Worker!"

ON THE MIRACLE WORKER: She's doing some serious chowing down. She pauses to wave when she hears her name, then resumes eating.

FATHER (VO) (CONT): "She's a Yankee gal, but she knows that finger talk."

FATHER (VO) (CONT): "Maybe she can do some good."

SON: "But Father, maybe we don't need The Miracle Worker. Maybe Helen's never going to be better than she is right now."

SON (VO) (CONT): "Look at her. She spontaneously eats the food of others. She's a true child of nature."

SON (VO): "Maybe she's better off not knowin' the rules of man."

SON (VO) (CONT): "I envy her her. She lives in a simple world of gentleness and calm..."

SON (VO) (CONT): "...a gossamar, wispy world where the only emotions felt are those of happiness and love."

SFX: FWAP!!!!!

SFX: WHACK!!!!! She hits Helen with the spoon!

SFX: WHACK!!!!!!!!!

SFX: CRU-U-UNCH!!!! She bites Helen!

SFX: CLOOOONG!!!!!!!!! Helen hits The Miracle Worker with a baseball bat!

THE MIRACLE WORKER: (ROARS)

COLONEL: "MISS MIRACLE WORKER! I INSIST...I say I INSIST that you STOP this instant, before someone gets hurt!! Helen, you come outside with me! Poor child! You must be a bundle of nerves!"

EXT. OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN:

THE COLONEL: "Oh my Gosh! Look at this! She can hear and see! It's a miracle! The Miracle Worker has done it again!

THE END