THEORY CORNER FOR MEN (SORRY GIRLS, MEN ONLY!)

Welcome to "THEORYBOY" MAGAZINE!

TODAY'S GUEST: THE EDITOR AND PUBLISHER OF THEORYBOY: UNCLE EDDIE!

THE INTERVIEW:

Most men would believe they'd died and gone to heaven. Theory Mansion is not to be believed.  Imagine a never-ending party in a house with a 24 hour kitchen and an indoor heated pool replete with grottoes.  At the hub of all this is the rugged pioneer of internet men's magazines, Theoryboy founder, Uncle Eddie. 

When he's not downstairs yucking it up with naked women, or partying with the greatest wits of his time, he can usually be found upstairs, working on the latest installment of the Theoryboy Philosophy. When we found him he was in his robe and pajamas, smoking away on his cigarette holder, and typing on his old Smith-Corona.

THEORYBOY: "Hi Mr. Uncle Eddie! Do you mind if I come in?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "No, have a seat! I'll be with you in a sec!"

UNCLE EDDIE (TYPING FEVERISHLY): "OK you little Sucker! How 'bout this...and that...and...this...



UNCLE EDDIE: "...DONE! Oh, and just call me plain old Uncle Eddie. We don't stand on formality around here. Want a Pepsi?"

THEORYBOY (SITTING): "No thanks, but I'm curious to know what you were working on."

UNCLE EDDIE: "Well, It's the galley proofs for the next issue of Theoryboy. This is our lead story, real classy stuff! I just wrote a blurb for it. Here, read it and see what you think!"

THEORYBOY (READING): "Footsteps outside the door. Boards creaking. A hand fumbling at the door. The door swinging open. A shaft of moonlight penetrating the room and falling upon the sleepwalking figure of a woman with loathsome black gloves.  Beulah wanted to scream, but in her nudity she was helpless to act. Yes, Beulah was going to learn something tonight, something about hungry black gloves, something about naked flesh, and maybe...just maybe...about something more elusive...HERSELF!"

THEORYBOY (CONT): " 'Herself?'  Boy, that's heavy.  Very psychological!"

UNCLE EDDIE:  "Yeah, we figure it's the psychology that gives our stories the edge."

THEORYBOY: "And what are those pictures on the bed over there?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Those are candidates for the centerfold! Real nice nerd girls, all of them! The winner will get a scholarship to study at the Uncle Eddie Institute for Advanced Physical Research. Here, take a look. Which do you like best?" 

THEORYBOY: "Wow! A really nice girl!"


THEORYBOY: "Yikes!!! That's a...(Gulp!)... very... nice... girl...too."

THEORYBOY: "And this one's...um...interesting...yes, very interesting! I hate to say it, but I don't think I can pick a favorite. They're all pretty appealing!"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Yeah, it's hard isn't it?"



THEORYBOY: "What's this (above)?"

UNCLE EDDIE: "Oh, that's the 'What Kind of Man Reads Theoryboy?' page. That's there for the advertisers, but the girls got kind of surly that day."

THIS MONTH'S ISSUE OF "THEORYBOY"

WARNING! Nothing obscene here, but it's not office safe!

I had a killer idea for facial analysis so I went to the best face site I know, which is a porn menu that only puts faces up. I was surprised to find several faces that looked really...really...I don't know...BORED OUT OF THEIR MINDS! I guess taking your clothes off for a living isn't as much fun as people think it is.

When I clicked on the pictures I was taken to a site which apparently is a dumping ground for photo sessions gone awry. It was the Island of the Dead. Everybody looked they'd rather be someplace other than where they were. I have to confess that it was kind of a turn on...maybe because it reminded me of girls who wouldn't give me the time of day when I was in school. Now I get to see what I missed! And so do you.



Sorry about the censorship! I want to keep my "G' rating.

Who have I seen file her nails like this before? Maybe Lois Lane in Mad's "Superduperman!"

Aaargh! Icy cold!

This girl (above) is visibly falling asleep while undressing.

This girl (above) regards herself as too cool to be naked. This brings back painful memories of a date I had with a hippie girl who considered herself many levels of hip above the level I was at. That's okay. I respect that. I mean, you can't have pretenders running around trying to foist themselves off on their betters.

Unbelievable! I might know this woman (above)! In fact, she might be a relative! I always suspected that she had some kind of weirdness in her life. Boy, if it's her then that's going to make Thanksgiving dinner awkward.