Wednesday, July 15, 2009

THE NEXT NEW THING IN ARCHITECTURE


Here's (above) the previous movement: the "post modern" look, with flat, sterile concrete walls punctuated by uniform window slats. This hideous building is by Frank Gehry. Gehry later converted to the "crumpled" look, where buildings looked like crumpled pieces of paper in a wastebasket.



Crumpled evolved into twisted. Twisted is appealing on some level, but I don't think it lends itself to interesting interiors. I imagine this will last another ten years, at least.



Here's what's coming: buildings covered with bas-relief. How do I know? Because relief is beautiful and has become easy and cheap to make. That sounds like a formula for success to me.



Frank Lloyd Wright tried to introduce texture into modern building (above) but he was past his prime when he did it, and his interesting blocks were lost in bland, repetitious, modernist flatness.



What puts makes bas-relief a player again is the new building materials, especially the new hard styrofoams. Complex shapes are easily and cheaply molded and produced in quantity...sometimes from computer renderings. Sometimes the renderings are scans of old reliefs like the Aztec pattern above.



Right around the corner we'll also see a resurgence of interest in stone masonry for those who can afford it. I say this with confidence because when interest in texture returns to architecture, interest in stone, which is the ultimate texture, can't be far behind.

For those who have less money we'll see plenty of hard styrofoam stones which look identical to the quirky, pitted, silica-embedded real thing. Some of the fake stones will take designer shapes like the relief stone above.



I hope you like this Aztec relief calendar (above) because you'll see plenty of imitations of it on buildings in the near future.



The Mayans (above) were big on relief sculpture. Your kids may live in a house with Mayan-type walls like this, but punctuated with big, picture windows. Maybe they'll use undecorated real stone for the first floor, and realistic Mayan relief styrofoam for the upper floors.



Poor Rockwell Kent (above) will be plundered again and again for relief ideas.


Computer-guided hard styrofoam molding will put realistic cathedral window arches (above) within reach of average homeowners.



Some will prefer more contemporary abstract designs like the Frank Lloyd Wright stones above. Anything you can draw can be molded into what appears to be real stone. You'll have bricks made bricks that look like your family and friends. Lots of people will do this. I for one am tired of looking at bare, flat, undecorated modernist walls. Who said that things modern always have to be flat and sterile?


Sunday, July 12, 2009

A STREETCAR NAMED DEZYRE





STUNLEY: "STALLA! STALL-LAHHHHHH!!!!!"



STUNLEY: "Where's the scissors!? I'll bet your hoity-toity sister Blunche has them!"



STALLA: "Here, Dear. They're right here on the table where you left them.



STUNLEY: "Oh.....well anyway, your sister's always runnin' me down...sayin' I'm stupid and stuff. Well, I ain't stupid!"



AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!


STUNLEY: "Slut! It's YOUR fault!"






STUNLEY (VO): "Oh, I'm sorry, Stalla. Come 'ere, Baby...Daddy'll kiss it and make it better!"

Blunche re-acts.


STELLA (VO): "Here I am, Daddy! Mommy needs those kisses! (Sloppy kisses and groans)."



STALLA (VO): "Careful, Stunley! Blunche is here, remember?"



STUNLEY: "Oh, right...stupid old Blunche is here! Hmmmm...."



STUNLEY: "Hey, a man gets hungry and there's nothin' around ta eat!"



STUNLEY: "STAAAAALLLAAAA!!!!!!"



STUNLEY: The refrigerator's all the way across the room! How am I gonna get my celerey!?"



STALLA: "Here, Dear. Celerey. Right here."



STUNLEY: "Huh? Celerey? Oh, thanks."



STUNLEY: "Yessir, when you're really hungry, there's nothing like a good...."



STUNLEY: "AAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!"



STUNLEY: "Ooooh, my eye!!!!!"



STUNLEY: "Slut! It's your fault again!"






STUNLEY (VO): "Oh, did I do that? Come over here, I want my baby over here!"

Blunche re-acts.


STALLA (VO): "Daddy was mean to his Poopsey-Woopsey!"



STUNLEY (VO): "Never again, Poopsey! Two lips'll fix it!"



STALLA (VO): "Careful, Stunley! Blunche is still here, remember?"



STANLEY (VO): "Oh, right...Blunche."



STUNLEY: (Sniff! Sniff!).



STUNLEY: (Blows nose).



STALLAH: "Sigh! That's my man!"



STUNLEY (VO): "Stalla, quick, get my shotgun! There's a fly on the ceiling!"


Saturday, July 11, 2009

DELETED COMMENTS


Uncle Eddie: "I very seldom deliberately delete a comment. When I do, I feel really guilty about it. I mean the person who wrote it had to have gone to some trouble, even if it was just a death threat, and that should be acknowledged. In recognition of that, here's a few unpublished comments from the past three years.



"Uncle Eddie, you stud muffin...how's about you and me...steppin'?"



"Haw Haw (Snick! Harnk!)! Just kidding, Silly!! That was me! Hey, what did you think of 'Assassin's Creed?' Isn't that a way cool game? It takes a while to get a mission, though."


"Eddie, can I have the address of the girl on top?"



"Hi Eddie! Greetings from the 'Anonymous' community. Thanks for letting us comment here!"



"I'm sorry, but I find your practice of doing photo stories with a girl's wig on to be disgusting!"



"Uncle Eddie, I like your site but why do you persist in posting so many pictures of normal-looking women? What men want to see is babes...you know what I mean!"



"Um, Eddie...can I have the address of that handsome man above?"



"Here's a kiss for you Eddie...from a fan in Philadelphia!"



"Ditto from a fan in Wisconsin!"



"Another to you is kissing from fan we are being in Khazkstan!"



"Don't worry about putting stuff up that's bad for kids. We can take it!"



"Uncle Eddie, is it true that your male assets are...well, formidable?"