Sunday, March 22, 2009

THE TWO LADIES' GROUPS


Hotel Porter (V.O.): "Ladies, ladies! I have an announcement!"



Porter (cont): "The hotel regrets that there will be a delay due to overbooking. I'm afraid that it'll be necessary for members of the two clubs here to share rooms with each other."



Porter (V.O.) (cont): "That means the professional sniffers of "The Nasal Sensitivity Club of America" will have to share rooms with..."



"...'The Black Widows,' also known as 'The American Society of Husband Dispatchers.' "



Porter: "Ladies, we deeply regret the inconvenience! Just wait in the lobby on the first floor, and we'll assign rooms just as fast as we can!"



Meanwhile, up on the top floor...



Mildred: "Beulah, that food we had for lunch is giving me gas. What'll I do?"

Beulah: "Just let her rip! We're on the top floor, so nobody'll know, and I'm going to take a nap, so it won't bother me!"

Mildred: "Well, um...OK...I guess it's alright if it won't bother anybody. Here goes....BRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!



[Down on the first floor] Violet: "Yikes! Ladies, did you smell that!?"



Daisy: "Oh, Man! I certainly did! It's disgusting! It's of human origin, the usual sulphur and rotten egg smell with a hint of dead skunk and maybe a tad...yes, a tad of peppermint."


Magnolia: "W-What? I don't smell anything."



Gladiola: "Oh it's there all right! I smell it too! Definitely peppermints in there...Altoids, I think!"



Marigold: Maybe we should take care of the offender...permanently, I mean. Let The Black Widows handle this.



[On the top floor again] Beulah: "Mildred, I can't get to sleep! I ate the same food you did! Watch out, here it comes....BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!



[On the first floor] Tulip: "Oh my Gosh! There it goes again!"



Lavinia: "Don't worry Ladies, I mixed cyanide in some coffee that was sitting here. We'll just find out who let wind and offer the person a friendly cup. End of problem!"


Iris: "You mixed it in my coffee, you twit, and I drank it!"



Petunia: "Well, that's one less sniffer to worry about!"



Iris: " 'One less sniffer!?' I'll show you!' "

Buttercup: "No, I'll show YOU!!!!"

Gladiola: "No, we'll show YOU!!!!"

All the club women get into a frantic shouting match and handbag fight. The hotel lobby is a scene of horrific devastation.



Unwary Hotel Guest: "Um...er, sorry to interrupt, Ladies. I'm lost. Do you know where the 'Centipede Strokers of America' are meeting?"


16 comments:

Anonymous said...

That last panel caption should read: "We found this freshwater parasite in the sushi. Everyone gets a free repeat trip through the dessert buffet."

Unknown said...

hehe. Beulah and Mildred need to reconsider their diets.

Kirk Nachman said...

Hi Ed, I'm responding actually to an older post, where you blast post-minimal sculpture as an abomination. While some 37 years later, the state of contemporary art has done little to invigorate the gestures made in the 60's by the likes of Smithson, Serra, Barry Le Va, Eva Hesse, etc. There was a time when the notion of pitching molten lead against a wall seemed an adventurous release from the dismal, simpleminded populism of fanboy's bitching about drawing good anatomy. That said, these practices have become as insipid and academic as the painting of crucifixions and pieta's in earlier centuries. Read Smithson's "Entropy and the New Monuments", you may still find his objects atrocious, but I think you may appreciate his mind, and have better context within which to view his work. Meanwhile, Jeff Koons is producing plenty of saccharine dogshit to the appeal of cartoon fans and mousekateers.

Jennifer said...

OMG, this is hysterically funny! The pictures make the story even funnier. The picture of the old lady giving half a peace sign had me.

Will you be doing some Uncle Eddie videos sometime soon?

El Chongo said...

That was a crack up! where do you find these pictures?

Anonymous said...

This is seriously twisted, Eddie.



I hope you're proud of yourself.

'Cuz we all are! ;D

Kitty Stampede said...

Holy shite..I laughed my ass off! that was awesome.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Chongo: Mostly from Google Images.

Jennifer: I'm dying to do some photo essays. I'm just having trouble finding the time.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Rudy: I looked up the entrpy article and bookmarked it for when I have time to read it. Thanks for the tip!

Clor, Buzz: Thanks!

pappy d said...

Eddie, you rule this medium!

Pete Emslie said...

You see, it's precisely for reasons like this why I always opt to stay at the Holiday Inn where there are no surprises. Although, now that I think about it, the room service coffee there did have a slight taste of cyanide to it...

Anonymous said...

you have entirely too much time on your hands.

Anonymous said...

This is possibly the funniest thing ever on the internet. Holy lord.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Pappy, Jorge: Haw! Many thanks for the kind words!

Ori said...

After getting up from the floor (almost died laughing),
I had to comment.
Some of the content a bit shallow, some on the level of genius.
In order to get to the genius parts you need to create some shallow bits.
Keep up the good work ;p

Uncle Ori

Zoran Taylor said...

Where's Uncle Eddie gone? The coolest blog I've ever seen, and then it jut dissappears?! COME BACK!!!