Hi, Uncle Eddie here! Well, the holiday season's upon us and it's time to start thinking of Christmas presents for family and friends. If you're strapped for ideas I thought I might be able to help. I have in mind the present I recommend every year at this time...
...the "EXTENDO FORK!"
Well actually, I use...Ahem!... the "Freeloader Fork ...'PRO' " model. Stainless steel, oiled shaft, nice balance...an advanced instrument for advanced users. Since you guys are just starting out I figure you'll want to begin with the cheaper, but serviceable "Extendo Fork. "
When the target isn't looking, quickly extend it to it's full length of 2 1/2 feet...
...and DINE! Dine off your friend's plate that is. The rule here is, be fast! It tales practice to harpoon your food, bring it back to your plate, and collapse the fork in one continuous motion. Practice on an unwitting friend...heh, heh...like I did with Mike.
Okay, what else have we got here....
...okay, next is the Soup Sucker. You'll need a drink to go with that food you just forked, and the Soup Sucker doubles as a terrific drink infiltrator.
The Sucker can be had at any hardware store. It's called shrinkable insulation, and it's used to cover wires. It sells for 20 cents a foot, and it comes wrapped around a big spool. You'll need about 3' of the 3/8" size.
Thread the tube into your shirt sleeve so you have one end coming out of the cuff, and one end coming out of your collar.
Simply allow the cuff end of the tube to fall (fall stealthily) into your neighbor's drink, then suck on the other end.
When you're finished, you'll find that he curl the tube got from being on the spool really comes in handy. You just move your arm a little and and the Sucker recedes into your cuff, all by itself! Nifty, huh?
Oh...er, be careful that you don't get a siphon going. I tapped into Mike's tomato juice once and the juice kept coming out after I stopped sucking. I didn't notice it, and a big red stain formed on my shirt. Mike saw it and had a fit. He thought I'd been shot. He wanted to take me to the hospital!
Anyway, good luck with finding this stuff! May all your meals be free!