Wednesday, June 26, 2013

WHY I NEVER GOT MY BACHELOR PAD

When I was a kid I was certain that my future home would look something like this (above). I really liked the bachelor pad look, even when I was too young to know what a bachelor was.


 I figured I'd have a chemistry lab (above) in the basement....


...and an electric lab next to that. You never know when you might need to resurrect the dead.


I'd have a sophisticated telescope (above) on the roof.... 


....and a Bat Cave and Batmobile. I thought I might even dabble in fighting crime.


Oh, and control panels....I wanted lots of electronics with viewing screens and control panels!


So, what happened? How come I never got my manly dream house (apart from the expense, of course)?


This (above) is what happened. I grew up and got married. 


Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I got married. I wouldn't change that for the world. It's just that American tradition gives the girl a big influence in home decoration. If you're a guy and you muscle in on that your neighbors will think you're a monster.


Let's be clear about what we're talking about here. The girl who's going to decorate your manly dream house may have developed her taste while growing up in rooms like this (above). Yikes!


That extra room you were thinking of turning into a safari room?


Your wife may have other plans (above) for it. 


Let's face it, women are different than us. They're...I don't know how to say it....refined! When when they sit down to dinner they imagine they're on some country estate having high tea.  


You and I, being men, naturally think of a meal as "grub." We like to imagine ourselves in a cabin in the in the Klondike eating seal blubber with Bowie knives.


Fortunately rational people can resolve their differences by compromise. In the above example, the husband's desire for a safari motif neatly combines with the wife's desire for girly things. Problem solved...I think.

BTW: I showed this post to my wife, who thought it was funny but also appallingly inaccurate. I had to talk her out of demanding equal time.


12 comments:

Unknown said...

I never gave the bachelor pad idea much thought. I think man cave is the word that a lot of men like to use to describe their hangouts.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Sent by Roberto Severino:

"Eddie, are you a fan of Stephen King's books and what do you think about him as an author? I've never read any of his books, but I'd like to soon and wanted to know which ones I should start out with.

There's apparently this new miniseries on CBS called Under the Dome that's based on one of his most recent novels. I'm gonna be watching the pilot this Friday on Amazon's website since I missed the Monday airing, but I heard it's really good."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_J_iF83YUY

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Roberto: I've read a number of King books and saw movies of some of the others. I'd say when he's good, he's really good. In his lesser books he pads too much. He's a compulsive writer who makes some of his books longer than they need to be.

My favorite King movie is "The Shining" and my second favorite is "The Langoliers." That has the most unusual ending I've ever seen in a horror film. Don't talk to anyone about it, and don't look it up on the net, not even on Google Images, because the end should come as a surprise.

My favorite books? I haven't read them all, but "The Cel" was pretty good and so was the fairly recent one about a mysterious rain.

Have you read Dean Koontz? His book, "Midnight?" was great. Also reommended: "Intensity" and "Tick Tock." Once again, don't discuss these with anyone who might reveal the endings.

Invisibules said...

I think that's Young Frankenstein... one of the funniest movies ever made. Naturally you'd get to the secret electrobiology lab via the secret bookshelf door.

Putting on the RRRRIIITTTTZZZZ!

Shawn Luke said...

I love this post Eddie!

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Roberto: I forgot to say thanks for the "Under the Dome" tip. I'll see if I can give it a try.

Jorge Garrido said...

I was never a fan of Stephen King until I read "On Writing," now I wanna check out The Stand.

Eddie, you've got to check this blog out! Comparison of dog breeds 100 years ago vs today.

http://dogbehaviorscience.wordpress.com/2012/09/29/100-years-of-breed-improvement/

Jorge Garrido said...

Also, one of the things I liked about Stephen King's book "On Writing" is the idea that you should write based on your audience being an "ideal reader." Imagine everything you're right is for one person, his likes and dislikes. Stephen King picked his wife. I was gonna pick Quentin Tarantino, then I though John K, but I think I'm gonna go with you, Eddie. Your old articles and blog posts influence my aesthetics in my writing more than almost anything or anybody else.

I'm been going through your old blog posts for inspiration.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Roberto: I just went to the site about dog breeding that you linked to and it was great! Many thanks!

Me an ideal reader!? And an influence? Wow, I'm flattered! Wait til you see the next post on Virgil. There's more to say on the subject than I was able to cram in there but that's OK...Virgil's ideas are an ideal subject for The Philosophy Girls to tackle in another post.

Jorge Garrido said...

Eddie, I'm Jorge, not Roberto, I've been commenting for over seven years! Jeez, you even drew comics about me.

http://uncleeddiestheorycorner.blogspot.ca/2006/06/theory-corner-guest-rant-1.html

http://uncleeddiestheorycorner.blogspot.ca/2006/06/theory-corner-mailbag-1.html

But you are still one of my aesthetic heroes. :P

Unknown said...

If there was such thing as an "ideal artist," you and Vincent Waller would both be ranked at #1 for me. The rest of the Spumco artists would be listed somewhere, but I find that you two have influenced me the most.

Mr. Waller once encouraged and told me that if I kept on drawing and doing what I've been doing for years now, then I'd be able to draw almost anything out of my own head and that statement has proved to be very accurate, especially when I've done Moleskine sketchbook drawings with a pocket brush pen. I can even draw in almost any style I want at this point.

You've been a great influence too, especially in terms of how I think about making my drawings lively, energetic, and appealing and the many possibilities that I wish animation in general would explore much more.

You have also made me realize how much inspiration real life, television, movies, and so much other stuff can be to cartoonists and the amount of comedy out there that should be studied if that makes sense.

Best of all, you never seem to take yourself too seriously and are always humble about yourself and your positions. Did you see the comment that I left on your Amazon review of "Sick Little Monkeys?"

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