MEETING OF THE ROYAL ORDER OF THE MUSKRAT

INT. HOTEL BANQUET ROOM: Members of The Royal Order take their seats.

The chairman, called The Grand, Exalted, Imperial Muskrat with Oak Leaf Clusters, pounds the gavel.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this meeting of the Royal Order of the Muskrat is called to order!"

GRAND MUSKRAT: "All rise for the Muskrat salute! 'Hail, Noble Muskrat! We, thy brothers and sisters, salute thee!' "

"Snork! Snork, Snork!"


"Chortle! Chortle! Chortle!"

"WOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"(Ahem!) You may be seated! Now let's see....the first item on the agenda is..."

"...the first item is an expression of thanks to The Ladies Auxiliary for the fine pies they've baked for us tonight! I think a round of applause is in order."

On the Ladies Auxiliary.

(SFX) Applause.

MOOSE LADIES: "Excuse us. We're the Ladies Auxiliary for the Fraternal Order of the Moose. Do you know which room they're meeting in? (THEN) Gee it's cold in here."

"Um...Fraternal Order of the Moose?...they're...um..uh...um, next door, across the hall."

MOOSE LADIES: "*Thank-yoooouuu*!"

The ladies exit.

"The Chair recognizes Brother Norton!"

BROTHER NORTON: I just want to say that we should send a delegation to those women to apologize for for exposing their delicate skin to the rigors of our cruel, masculine air conditioning. It's only right."

"You're right, Brother Norton. Thank you for proving that chivalry is not dead. I say we give them our pies as a token of our sorrow."

!!!!!!!!!!!

"On second thought, HALF the pies should be adequate compensation."

"Huh!?"


SERGEANT AT ARMS: "Mr. Chairman, one of the ladies bumped her leg on the way out."

The chairman pounds the gavel.

CHAIRMAN: "ALL the pies! That and our entire treasury!!!"

"Um... don't worry about the details. I can deliver the pies myself."

"It says here that the next item on the agenda is a demonstration for new members of The Muskrat Handshake. As this sacred handshake is for the eyes of members only, I request that the Sergeant of Arms lock the doors."

"When two Muskrats meet on the street an identifying handshake is in order. The member standing most Northward is always the initiating greeter. The greeter proudly thrusts his arm out horizontally, signifying the with his assertive attitude, the noble bearing of the North American muskrat."

"The out-thrust arm is met by the equally assertive arm of the member being greeted. The two arms align at the forearm."

"A slide is initiated, commemorating the movement of the glaciers thousands of years ago that gave rise to the woodland habitat of the modern muskrat. At the end of the slide the thumbs are engaged and the hands pivot to a new position."

"Watch closely. What happens next is full of meaning and tradition."

"The fingers stiffen then are quickly and decisively withdrawn, reminding us of the regrettable intolerance showed to muskrats by hunters and hound dogs."

"A vigorous shake of the hand symbolizes the hardships suffered by muskrats on their yearly migrations."

"And finally, the diddled-fingers-hand-to-nose represents the exalted triumph of the muskrat who, though he eats the babies of other animals, always chitters a cheerful 'Thank you!' for the meal."

"Well, I think that just about wraps it up. Any more new business? Any

old business? No?"

SFX: (raps gavel on the podium)

"...Then I declare this meeting adjourned!"



"Be well, my brothers and sisters!"

"Pssst! Sergeant at Arms! I'll deliver those pies now!"

NOTE TO READERS: The Royal Order of the Muskrat is REAL! It really meets every month or two here online at Uncle Eddie's Theory Corner. We discuss animation and cartooning, and most other subjects except politics. Members receive a discount at the Theory Corner Store, which I'll try to put up soon.

Membership is free but to be a member you must participate in at least one meeting. If you're a guy and you'd like to participate, then post a picture of yourself on your own site wearing a coonskin cap (no substitutes unless you can tinker something together that really looks like a coonskin hat), dark jacket, fringed epaulets, white shirt and a tie, and send me a link to the picture, which I'll post. Homemade versions of the epaulets are OK. (I made my own). You may post a question or comment below the picture and I'll print them when the next meeting comes up.

Girls may join the Royal Order of the Muskrat Ladies Auxiliary. All the above membership information applies, except the jacket and coonskin cap are unnecessary. Girls attire consists of what proper clubwomen wore in the golden age of womens clubs, 1900-1960: a straw hat with flowers, old-style dress, and (optional) white gloves or pearls. Skill at making pies is helpful, but not necessary.

There's no pressure to be a member. Reader response at the meetings is entirely unnecessary and, frankly, I'll be amazed if anyone actually does it. It's only for people who feel the need to participate.

P.P.S.: Kern, Hunsecker, Lester, Ardy: I am SOOOOO sorry that I accidentally deleted your comments from the previous post! I deserve death, I know!