LIFE IN A SMALL TOWN

"Hi! Uncle Eddie here! I'm a city boy and I'll be moving to a small town soon. I've never lived in a small town so I'm reading all I can about that kind of place, so I'll know what to expect. The book I'm reading now is called "Peydon Place." Here's an excerpt:

EDDIE (READING): "The plain, small, average town of Peydon Place reclined like a hot, passionate woman in the late morning sun."

"On Maple Street the Kensing house stood naked to the sunshine. From its rosy red shingles to its well-rounded roof, it almost cried to be taken."

"Behind the window shades, which hung like sensuous lids, in her upstairs room, young Alice Kensing finished dressing to go out."

"Past the City Hall she walked, past the cannon, past the pigeons and the statue of Robert E. Lee."

"Yikes! This stuff is kinda' steamy!"

"I always thought small town people were more...well...you know...basic."

"Gee, do you suppose that nowadays they're modern like the rest of us?"

"Naw, small towns are different!"

"The story must have it wrong."

"Even so, you have to wonder."

"Surely small town institutions are no different than they are anywhere else."

"Okay, maybe they're different on weekends."

"Maybe..."

"...I don't know...maybe there's something in the water in small towns, something that gets the juices going."

"Or maybe the pine cones release some sort of caffeine vapor."

"Or..."

"...Or maybe the book was written by a wicked city woman who never set foot in a small town. Who knows?"

ADVENTURE STORY

"Hey, I was rummaging in some old boxes in the garage and 

dug up an adventure book I thought I'd lost . You want to hear a few paragraphs?  I gotta warn you...it's not for the feint of heart.

"Yikes! A spider! I'll just shake it out."

"Okay, here goes: 'On a night when the moon is at the full and the taboo of the rice feast is forgotten, a live hamadryad..."

"...um, that's a poisonous snake, I think..."

 "...a live hamadryad is thrown into a kettle of boiling blood, blood which is drained from the body of a young Dryad girl. Into the mixture are thrown the teeth of nine crocodiles and the skull of a female orangutan."

"The potion is stirred with a golden parang...slowly...and the scum spooned off and allowed to dry. It is ground to a powder then and blended with the thorn of the Klubi, the swamp plant..."

"Whew! This is pretty intense stuff!"

"See! I warned you! You didn't believe me, didja?"

"Maybe we'll skip ahead to another chapter. Something a little milder, something like...THIS."

Yikes! It's about snakes!

Good Lord! I HATE snakes!!!!!

"That background, that misty darkness, was an undulating blanket of horror. Out there, wriggling, crawling, crossed and interwoven like the design of some colossal tapestry, was a compact mass of snakes....they were watching him with a thousand pairs of eyes, and they were advancing slowly nearer."

"Then it happened. Before he could flail his arms forward, before he could throw his weight to the side, his legs buckled under him and he fell to the floor.

He screamed then shot a frantic glance over his shoulder."

"Like a man in an hypnotic trance he felt himself powerless to move. What he saw was the snakes.  With a slow and inexorable movement the snake mass crossed the intervening distance, and, cold and clinging, began to slide its coils over his body."

"That's it!!! I can't take any more!!!!!!!!!"

Holy Cow! 'Another spider! I gotta clean that garage!"

NAKED POETRY READING

Greetingth again, poetry loverth!!!!!! Here's a reprise of "Naked Poetry Corner" from 2010.

To get the effect you have to WATCH BOTH VIDEOS AT THE SAME TIME, so keep them both in frame.

Turn on the bottom (B&W) video, then wait three seconds and turn on the top (color) video!

Many, many thanks to Lalalizabeth, who made her video completely independently and whose videos can be viewed on YouTube.

INTERVIEW WITH EDDIE FITZGERALD

EXT. UNCLE EDDIE'S HOUSE:

IN THE BACKYARD:

EDDIE: "Glad to meetcha! They told me you'd be coming. Have a seat, have a seat!"

INTERVIEWER: "Thanks! It's an honor to meet you, sir. I do interviews for Animation Magazine and they tell me you have stories about every big shot in the animation business."

EDDIE: "Haw! Do I!? If I told you only half the stories I know, we'd be here all month. You name the show and I worked on it. I've worked with eeeeeeeeverybody."

INTERVIEWER: "Really!? Do you know John Kricfalusi?"

EDDIE: "John K? Um, well, not exactly." 

INTERVIEWER: "Mike Fontanelli?"

EDDIE: "Fonta...who?"

INTERVIEWER: "How about Eric Goldberg?"

EDDIE: "Gee, he never answers my..."

INTERVIEWER: "How about Brad Bird?"

EDDIE: "Brad Bird...hmmm, I think I parked in his space once."

INTERVIEWER: "Seth MacFarlane?"

EDDIE: "You don't have his number, do you?"

INTERVIEWER: "Matt Groening?"

EDDIE: "Um, no."

INTERVIEWER: "Pete Docter?"

EDDIE: "Nope."

INTERVIEWER: "Tim Burton?"

EDDIE: "Er...well, not really."

INTERVIEWER: "Bill Kopp?"

EDDIE: "Well, actually, I haven't...." 

INTERVIEWER: "How about John Lasseter?"

EDDIE: "John Lassater!? How the heck am I supposed to meet John Lassater? He lives in Cuppertino or Emeryville...some place like that." 

INTERVIEWER: "Well how about producers like...someone like Steven Spielberg?"

EDDIE: "Ahhhhh, stop right there. Steven. Now we're talkin'. Yes, yes, I've been over to his house several times. He just emailed me last week." 

INTERVIEWER: "Really? Can we see it?"

EDDIE: "No need. I memorized it...it said, 'You missed the grass near the rose bushes and the front lawn could use a really robust watering this time.' He calls the watering 'robust.' Isn't that poetic? Only Steven would think of something like that."

EDDIE: "Hey, what's that on your lens?"

INTERVIEWER: "Oh, a pebble got under the lens cover."

EDDIE: "Hold still. I have my Swiss Army Knife. I'll dig it out!"

THE FUNHOUSE (PART ONE) (WORDLESS)

  

TO BE CONTINUED........