DEAN CORNWELL, ILLUSTRATOR

I'm in a hurry so I'll put up these illustrations by Dean Cornwell without comment. I have a first edition of the hard-to-find classic Cornwell book but it's been drastically devalued by the reprint that came out a few years ago. Amazingly the reprint is just as well done as the earlier book and you don't have to pay collector's prices to own it.

MY DINNER WITH ANDRE (ACTUALLY JOHN & KALI)

I'll explain the pictures later. I thought I'd start by describing a real "My Dinner With Andre" meal that I just had at the local barbeque restaurant. Nothing special, just an average lunch. In attendance: myself, Kali and John Kricfalusi.

John and Kali arrive and sit in the booth opposite me. Kali's feet graze mine and I look under the table to see if my feet are in the way. John: "I don't believe it! You just looked up Kali's dress!" Me: "No, I didn't! I was just..." Kali: (laughs uproariously). "Yes you did! I saw it! Good old Eddie, always sneaking a peak!" Me: "But... but..." John: "I'll bet you look into blouses too (he acts it out in the air)!" Me: "Wait a minute, that would be a great cartoon character! It's something Reggie would do!" John: "Reggie? It's something Uncle Peekaboo would do!" Uncle Peekaboo!? At this point the waitress takes our order.

Kali asks what book I have with me and I say it's "Romancing the Opiates" which claims that heroin is not highly addictive and withdrawal from it is not medically serious. Kali reacts with skepticism, John is still mulling over Uncle Peekaboo. Somehow the conversation drifts to Clampett, which it frequently does, and I mention that Clampett got a chance to direct because Leon was keen to compete with other studios and was therefore looking for "fighting generals" rather than the more sedate types who rise to the top in peace time. Modern American studios are more laid back, more business-as-usual, even though we face a serious threat from anime and 3D. John sends his meat back because it's tough and Kali starts drawing caricatures of me (below).

I bring up something Milt Grey said earlier, that a young Scribner would have a hard time learning his trade today. Few employers want to pay for funny animation so a young Scribner would have to have to do it at home like David Gemmill does and post his stuff on YouTube. This immediately jolts John out of his Peekaboo reverie. "That's true," shouts John, "you should do a blog about that!!! The best way to learn funny animation is to work your way up in a studio loaded with other funny geniuses! In fact the very best way would be to start in a rubberhose studio like Clampett did! You can make your mistakes there but the medium is forgiving and rewards gutsy ideas!" That's a terrific insight. If only some studios were still doing funny, fully-animated rubberhose what a terrific training ground it would be! I say that John ought to write it up on his own blog where he can really expand on it. John says no I should do it on mine. Yours, mine,yours,mine, etc.

While we're quibbling Kali is drawing another caricature of me on the doggy bag. This reminds John all over again of Uncle Peekaboo, which he proceeds to draw on the other side of the doggy bag (above, topmost). In case you have trouble figuring it out, that's an under-the-table shot of me looking at Kali's legs from the P.O.V. of those legs.

So that's my dinner (lunch) with Andre (John & Kali). I left out some stuff but that captures it OK I think. Later that hight we all met at Mike's where he had a plush doll that looked like me and Kali photographed it having sex with other plush dolls...but that's another story.

LEYENDECKER'S FIRST PASS

Here's some Leyendecker color sketches together with the finished paintings. Nifty, huh? Click to enlarge.

A COFFEE TABLE BOOK ABOUT FONTS

"House Industries" is one of the oddest art books I've ever seen. House is a lettering company. They develop fonts and custom lettering styles for business. The book is all about the signs and fonts they worked on except that few (maybe none) of the fonts are printed in their entirety. it's a whole book of font fragments and a kazillion pictures of the guys who worked on them. Leafing through it is like looking at an art book with the bottom third of every picture missing and a trillion pictures of the artist.

There's an occassional interesting story. It seems like House tried to turn the old Stardust Hotel sign (above, topmost) into a font. They did a good job of figuring out what the rest of the alphabet would look like (below) but when they combined the new letters they discovered that the font only worked when it spelled out "Gleaming the Cube" and "Totally Rad." Evidently most good signs don't come from fonts. You can reference a font but a good sign has to be customized.

I'm in a hurry so I'll put up a couple of interesting page fragments (below). I don't know if they're all by House.

A MESSAGE TO THEORY CORNER MEN

Hello, men! Uncle Eddie here! It's come to my attention that some Theory Corner men (Jorge)don't like my posts about architecture. They (Jorge) think the subject is boring. Imagine that! A manly pursuit like architecture is boring to these people (Jorge)!!! Yes, it's hard to believe that some people (Jorge) who visit this site can be that depraved and uncultured.

I've thought about it and have decided that disciplinary action is called for. I hate to punish everybody for the misdeeds of a few (Jorge) but what choice do I have? A good captain someimes has to show his crew the cat-o-nine tails. Bad apples (Jorge), you brought this on yourselves!!!!

See this (above)? Kinda nice, huh? You'd like more, wouldn't ya?...Of course you would.

But THIS (above) is what you get!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And THIS (above)!!!!!!!!!

AND THIS (above) TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND...and...and even..even this (above)!!!!!!!!!!! (puff!)!!!!!!! (pant!)!!!!!!!!! Whadaya think 'a that!? (Puff!) (Pant!) (Puff!)

Now see what you've done? You bad apples have unleashed Mr. Bad! I take no resposibility for it!

ABOUT HUNDERTWASSER

Andrew asked me what I thought about Hundertwasser, the modern German painter-turned-architect. Well, I like some of his pictures . The one above is interesting.

I also like his small-scale architecture. The public bathroom above is brilliant. The idea of using a tree to symbolize urination is wonderfull. No doubt the public urinal is the focal point of the entire street. I also like the trim which looks like the kind of beautiful bead bracelets that little kids make out of painted macaroni.

I also like this corner restaurant (above). Hundertwasser's buildings make a great contrast to other styles. That's what he's best at. In my opinion a whole neighborhood in his style would be too much.

Here's a nifty wedding cake of a building (above).

I'm not a fan of his larger works, like the one above. Take away the colorfull, melted tile facade and you're left with fairly banal buildings. Architecture is mainly about interesting three-dimensional shapes and spaces, not quirky facades. Architects should revel in the idea of space and travel all over the world collecting interesting experiences of it. They shouldn't be seduced into a too literal transcription of ideas that only look good in two-dimensional drawings.

His large-scale, Nabi-neo-art-nouveau apartment exteriors (above) are terrible. I wish he'd return to small-scale work.

THE AFTERMATH OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR

I like Christmas, no strike that, I LOVE Christmas but I'm glad it only comes once a year. Every year I promise myself to make it simple and tidy and every tear it ends up being big, complicated, unpredictable, sloppy and sentimental.

The tree we got was big again. I can't see getting a small tree. A tree needs to be noble and awe-inspiring. It should never fit comfortably into the room it's intended for. Putting it up should be

difficult, the branches should knock over and break fragile knickknacks on shelves all over the room. There should be fights about how to fit the giant stump into the stand.

I like decorating a tree with a mixture of multi-colored and white lights. I like balls of many colors and lots of happy little toy and angel ornaments. When my kids were little they used to decorate by putting ornaments only on the branches they could reach so that the tree looked naked except for a kazillion balls on the bottom. They were really proud of their work and would frequently stand back and look at it, struggling to hold back a tear, they were so overcome with the profundity of it all. After everyone had gone to sleep everybody in the family would, one after the other, sneak into the living room and re-arrange the balls to suit their own tastes. I can't tell you how many fights this caused..and still causes, even now. I miss the kind of Christmas tree that was a simple, fragrent pine with lots of space between the branches. They looked a bit scraggley but you could hang tinsel and ornaments on them and they would hang straight down. Todays trees are more like round bushes that are cut into cone shapes with a chain saw. They're nice and plush...too plush! Nothing put on them ever hangs down. Ornaments just sort of lie on the branches. I have to admit that they look good though.

I made only one major blunder this year. My son lives in New York City now and he could only spend a week with us over the holiday. I was looking forward to doing all sorts of things with him but none of them materialized because he spent most of his time visiting his old school buddies. I was so disappointed at what I considered a snub that I half snubbed him when it came time to bundle him off on the plane back to NY. After the plane took off I felt horrible in the extreme! I should have learned my lesson from earlier years: never, I mean never, snub anybody over the Christmas holiday, even if they deserve it! We have the whole rest of the year for snubs. Snubs defeat the whole purpose of Christmas and make the snuber feel miserable. I think I'll call my kid when I finish writing this.

In spite of this I had a great Christmas and I hope you did too!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!**!!!!@!!!!!++

MORE ARCHITECTURE

Here's an English residential street (above) done in the brutalist style. The houses are probably cozy enough inside but outside they present an intimidating row of clunky slabs which seem to menace passers-by.

The houses also seem oddly out-of-sync with the hilly terrain. Hills are usually friendly and inviting. You want to climb them so you can take in the view and the sweep of the sky. Here the hill has been taken over by big, dark cubes which conspire to block the sunlight and the view of the lowlands.


Here's another English street (above) built on an old continental model. The architecture may be foreign but it works and I can't for the life of me understand why the English are so reluctant to import good visual ideas from their neighbors.

Here's the brutalist style again (above), this time in America. This building is a terrain hog which probably throws all the smaller buildings around it out of scale. The building almost certainly is OK inside. Outside it's a big, sentimental, selfish Baby Huey of a slab, solicitous of its own workers and indifferent to everyone else.

I thought I'd end on a positive note. Here's a typical cluster of chain stores and gas stations that you find in American hollows where major routes intersect. I want to dislike it but I can't. It's a whore but it's an honest whore. It's happily commercial. Here the weary traveler can find coffee and a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich served by a cheerful local waitress. Here are liquor stores full of lottery tickets, tobacco, dirty magazines, candy, comics, beer and ice. Liquor stores are islands of sanity and if they ever disappear the world will be a sadder place.

BTW, notice the lack of garish signs and billboards. I've seen places that were actually enhanced by their signs but this little hollow does very well without them.

HOW GUYS SHOULD DRESS FOR A DATE

I was thumbing through the recent book on MacPhearson when I stumbled on these two cartoons. I must have stared at them for 15 minutes before I finally figured out what was so interesting about them...the people in these pictures are dressed perfectly for the occassion they're in!

The guys are wearing tuxes, which is a nice way to go if you can afford it, but that's not the most interesting thing. The really interesting thing is that they're all wearing black and white. When two black-suited men talk to each other they merge into a new black sillouette which incorporates them both. When a third or a fourth join them they form another shape still. A bunch of men alone still form a pattern: dalmation spots against a sea of white. As long as every man wears black the dark shapes keep changing all night like a kaliedescope.

Another reason a guy should wear black is that it sets off the girl he's with. If the girl wears light colors or flower patterns then black makes a perfect contrast (I can't believe how gay this sounds!). You would think that guys would lose their individuality by becomming a background for the women they're with. Oddly enough that isn't true. Black is background but it's also agressively foreground. Black and white looks good on a guy, they're's no denying it.

REMEMBER THE CLOUDS I TALKED ABOUT?

It turns out that they were the precursers of a storm which knocked out my power lines. I'm writing this on one of my local library's computers with someone in line staring impatiently over my shoulder even though I only just sat down.

It's just as well. I can't access my picture file from here. I'll post later, or maybe tomorrow. Before I leave I think I'll see if the library has the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

Bye for now.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!

Well, it's that time of year! I'll take a couple of days off and come back...mmmm,...Wednesday, December 27th!

I don't know about you but I had a great year! Sometimes you characterize a year by just one word or phrase. For me that word would be "friends." More than any other recent year I feel that my friends made a big impact on my life in the past twelve months. It really is true that a man with friends is a rich man!

Have a merry, merry Christmas everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY CHRISTMAS GIFT SUGGESTIONS

I don't have time to write a decent post but I thought I'd make a few gift suggestions for last-minute Christmas shoppers:

1) How about an Extendo Fork and tubing as mentioned in previous posts? I can't think of a better gift and the price is certainly right!

2) One of those long claws with a pistol grip that you use to grab things off high shelves. Mike Fontanelli just gave one of these to a friend and I found myself envying the friend. These grabbers are great for pinching people and waking them up by grabbing their faces with it.

3) The gift that keeps giving...ITCHING POWDER! Best to make it yourself. The formula I prefer: 1/3 electric razor stubble, 1/3 ground-up cat-tail weed seeds, and 1/3 sand or Borax.

4) A copy of my favorite Christmas film, "Shop Around the Corner." Traditional favorites like "Wonderful Life," "Christmas Story," "Miracle on 34th Street" and the Sim's version of "Christmas Carol" are all great films but I've seen them so many times that I had to find something new, even if it was filmed in 1940. Shop Around the Corner is not only a great Christmas film but it's one of the best-written romantic comedies that I've ever seen.

THE FUTURE IS HERE: STAINLESS SHIRTS!!!!

I wanted to draw the illustrations for this post but it looks like I won't have time so here's a photo instead. I'm writing about clean, white shirts and who exemplifies that for our time more than Saddahm Hussein? It seems like every time I see him he's wearing the cleanest, whitest, starchiest shirt that money can buy. Anway....

I'm writing to announce that science really has come up with a truly stainless white shirt. You can buy them, they're out there now. I bought one because I liked the cut of the shirt but I didn't really take the stainless label seriously. I figured no one would make a really stain repellent shirt for another, oh... hundred years at least. Boy, was I wrong.

Last week I was wearing my new white shirt while eating a big, squishy fast food burger in the car. I wasn't aware of it but the burger was dripping catsup, thousand-island dressing, grease and meat juice all over the front of my new shirt. When I finally realized what was happening it was too late. The stain was huge! It looked like a big, hairy hand had deliberately mashed a pizza into my chest. There was nothing for it but to go through the whole day looking like a bum.

Grief stricken, I steadied the wheel with my knees and grabbed a paper towel to wipe off what I could. To my shock and surprise the towel wiped off everything...not just the onions and pickles but the entire stain! Everywhere I wiped was white as snow, not a trace of grease!!!! I was, and still am, awe-stricken. The future is here! It's time to unpack the rayguns and rocket belts! Now I don't know if the teflon comes off after the first washing or if everyone who wears it will get cancer. All I know is that it worked like a dream the first time I put it to the test. If that's not news, what is?

HAVING TROUBLE READING THE PAGE?

Try coming to the page again and wait for the page to completely download before scrolling down. If you scroll down before the bottom bar says "done" then the page will smear down with endless repetitions of the first sentense.

For comment-writers: If you're a blogger yourself then you better transfer to the new Google-influenced system ASAP. If you're on the new system then when the comment box asks for your user-name and password you'll type in your new Google codes. The new user-name is always an internet address like bsykes@eartlink.com. The password is the new password you invented for Google when you tranferred from the old system.

If you want to comment but you haven't switched to the new Google system yet then I suppose it's OK to do everything the old way.

The new system is both better and worse. You get more bandwidth and it publishes real fast but it has some annoying idiosyncricies. On the comments page I'm constantly having to click off windows that warn me that letters might originate from unsecured senders.

THE STEPS OF WELLESLEY COLLGE

The building above is pretty lackluster but I'll forgive it because it contains a killer tunnel and staircase. You can see the entrance to it in this picture. It doesn't look like anything yet but keep walking.

The little staircase on the side acts as a pivot which orients you forward. There's a tantalizing glimpse of something at the end of the tunnel.

You walk toward the light, smelling the tunnel and feeling the broad, horizontal sweep of it. The image at the end gets more and more interesting. Like a stripper it only gradually reveals itself.

The steps don't rise evenly. Everytime you hit an especially interesting view the architect prolongs it by flattening the steps.

You climb the steps and the churchtower is dramatically revealed.

The reveal was so exciting that the full view almost comes off as an anti-climax. Neat, huh?

MORE OF THE INCREDIBLE PETER PAUL RUBENS

I don't have the bandwidth to comment so here they are, unaided by me. Click to enlarge! These won't look very good small.

THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Nobody ever takes me seriously when I say this but here goes: the very best adult Christmas presents are....fuzzy slippers and cheap perfume for a woman and a wallet or a tie for a man, even if he has no money and never wears anything but tee-shirts. I'm not kidding, these really are good presents! Presents are meant to be symbolic. If you stress out over finding just the right present for every friend and family member you'll never enjoy the holiday.

If you're like most people and you think what I wrote above is crazy or irrelevant then here's my fall-back suggestion: give the person something completely unrelated to what they're interested in. It has to be something good mind you, something that's the best in it's field, but something the person has never even thought about. I don't smoke and I'm not really interested in cigars but I have to admit that I'd be curious to smoke what people in the know consider the best cigar. Maybe smoking isn't really a filthy habit at all if you smoke the right stuff.

On another subject, Chrismas shopping is sooooo stressful. I still don't know what to get my wife! Every year she always says, "I don't see why you're having so much trouble getting me a present! There's only two things I don't want: don't get me anything useful like an appliance because everybody benefits from that and it's not personnal. And don't get me something that's not useful because the house is filled with stuff like that already. Absolutely anything else would be fine!" And every year I always answer with gritted teeth, "What are you talking about!!!???! Every single thing in the universe is either useful or not useful! There IS nothing else!" This is an irreconcilable conflict.