Thursday, December 21, 2006

THE FUTURE IS HERE: STAINLESS SHIRTS!!!!

I wanted to draw the illustrations for this post but it looks like I won't have time so here's a photo instead. I'm writing about clean, white shirts and who exemplifies that for our time more than Saddahm Hussein? It seems like every time I see him he's wearing the cleanest, whitest, starchiest shirt that money can buy. Anway....
I'm writing to announce that science really has come up with a truly stainless white shirt. You can buy them, they're out there now. I bought one because I liked the cut of the shirt but I didn't really take the stainless label seriously. I figured no one would make a really stain repellent shirt for another, oh... hundred years at least. Boy, was I wrong.
Last week I was wearing my new white shirt while eating a big, squishy fast food burger in the car. I wasn't aware of it but the burger was dripping catsup, thousand-island dressing, grease and meat juice all over the front of my new shirt. When I finally realized what was happening it was too late. The stain was huge! It looked like a big, hairy hand had deliberately mashed a pizza into my chest. There was nothing for it but to go through the whole day looking like a bum.
Grief stricken, I steadied the wheel with my knees and grabbed a paper towel to wipe off what I could. To my shock and surprise the towel wiped off everything...not just the onions and pickles but the entire stain! Everywhere I wiped was white as snow, not a trace of grease!!!! I was, and still am, awe-stricken. The future is here! It's time to unpack the rayguns and rocket belts! Now I don't know if the teflon comes off after the first washing or if everyone who wears it will get cancer. All I know is that it worked like a dream the first time I put it to the test. If that's not news, what is?

21 comments:

will said...

The future has finally arrived! Now I want my own robot.

By the way, check out www.Acabion.com- keep in mind they are doing this, they are entirely convicted and serious. I still don't know quite what to think about it.

More doodles!

Benjamin said...

The future was already here

http://www.moller.com/
http://moller.com/skycar/

Though I *would* like to have one of those shirts!

max said...

I wouldn't wear a stainless shirt in a million years.
For me grease marks are badges of honor.

cableclair said...

That is jawdropping. I need those. My dad needs these. We're pro's when it comes to spilling food. I never wear white. There is only a handful of people that can pull off wearing white. Like those cool suave people who get into those loungy clubs where you need to be on a list to get in, and obviously wear white. White LINNEN flanels. Cause white communicates "I am so cool, so suave, I don't even spill food. Ever. Oh and my pants they don't go wrinkly on me either. Ever." and stand in line with the most bored expression on their face like they don't even WANT To be there.

Andrew Moore said...

I had a similar experience with a pair of stainless khakis. Seems like only yesterday we were running around looking for club soda.

Ryan G. said...

I think us men will still find a way to stain these things.. Does the stain fighting power lose its strength after multiple washings?

Andrew Moore said...

Multiple what? Are you talking about that thing the women folk do with those loud machines in the back room?

Anonymous said...

Eddie, you gotta take the fabric from one of those miracle garments and make a pair of custom stainless boxer shorts for Ralph Bakshi. He'd be glad to know he could just grab a Kleenex in the middle of a meeting and - no, wait, he's been doin' that for years.

Max Ward said...

I don't think the shirts have teflon in them, I think they genetically alter the fabric.

Jorge Garrido said...

I had a sick stainless polo! It worked wonders, it repelled everything from water to ketchup!

I can't wearit anymore, though. It stained. It looks wet but it's not, it's stained to look perpetually wet, I think grease did it.

Anonymous said...

Hooray! Wondrous biological mutations are taking place in China right now from the chemicals they used to make the shirt-of-the-future.

Now you too can have two heads, extra sets of appendages and a shirt that stays permanently whiter than white! Progress is simply amazing.

Jenny said...

This really disturbs me, for some reason.

Ever seen "The Man in the White Suit", btw? Now there's a film I can see you loving on many levels, Eddie.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Ryan: I haven't spilled anything on the shirt since washing it. I don't want to deliberately stain it just for a test; what if the teflon doesn't work the second time?

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Jenny: Man in the White Suit? I'll look for it!

Ecto said...

damn. someone beat me to the punch: yeah, 'man in the white suit'. the GREAT alec guiness is the only reason to watch that movie. that's what immediately came to mind when i read this post

Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ecto said...

whoa. Jenny, i think the keyword here is "emotive".

yikes!

feelin' down? stop weeping, get outta the corner and gaze lovingly at guiness's performance/s in 'kind hearts & coronets', which i'm sure you would know of anyway.

also can i ask, do you actually know eddie fitzgerald or are you some real passionate internet fan?

enjoy.

Jenny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Eddie, I think you were with us when a group from Filmation went to see "The Man in the White Suit" at the old Sherman Theatre one night in 1979. Too bad that place is now an office building. They showed some great pictures there.

Tom Minton

Jenny said...

Why, 1979 was but a moment ago...can it be that Eddie would completely forget such a film? With a title like that??

Well, it's great and in any case should be seen again.
: )

P.S. I hope YOU had a nice Xmas, Mr. Minton. Is Tabby still with us? Do I ever get that name right? Her brother, happy to say, is still kicking(and is our favorite).

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Tom, Jenny, Ecto: The Sherman Theater? I haven't thought of that in years! Yes, I do remember it! It's hard to imagine that that area was once classy enough to show Alec Guiness movies. Now that you mention it I do have I do have a vague recollection of the film. I know I liked the role Guiness played.