Sunday, November 12, 2006


One of the most horrifying stories in all of literature is Aesop's "The Tortoise and the Hare." I take this fable very, very seriously. Thinking about it fills me with painful recollections of past defeats and humiliations. I've been beaten many times by tortoises and I know from first hand experience what powerful competitors they are.

For one thing tortoises exist in daunting numbers and often share common values and goals. Hares are fewer and tend to be loners. At the outset of the race hares run roughshod over the sluggish competition only to find themselves in mid-race mired in the mud with few allies or sympathetic friends to help. It's very scary!

Obviously I sometimes picture myself as the hare in the story but I'm not bringing this up to indulge in self-pity. What I really want to do is acknowledge that tortoises are not always the boobs that hares think they are. Whenever I get to thinking about this I remember the stories about common heroism in WW2 when ordinary sailors would run through oil fires to save their buddies on the other side. I think about parents who make enormous sacrifices for their kids or a whole society that changed its mind about race prejudice in just acouple of generations just because it was the right thing to do. No doubt about it, tortoises are often good people... when they're not being an obstacle to progress.


Anonymous said...

And lest we forget, tortoises shit all over themselves with gay abandon.

Stephen Worth said...

Come out of your shell and let your hare down, Eddie!

See ya

ryan said...

I've been beaten many times by tortoises and I know from first hand experience what powerful competitors they are.

would you mind drawing us a story from one of "the many times" for us Eddie? that would be neat!

LFW said...

holy crap uncle eddie! that makes so much sense! I can see why you take it so seriously. now that you've explained it THAT way, I can see where I've been the hare a lot of the time, a lot of people I know that have kicked my ass in life could definitely be considered tortises.

they are indeed powerful opponents/competitors, you don't want to mess with them.

cheers to you


Spizzerinktum said...

I never thought the tortoise was dumb. He's like that quiet little guy in Accounting who, after 20 years of faithful service, retires, having embezzled millions right under the nose of the arrogant putz who has been chiding him mercilessly since his first day about his cruddy car and lack of a social life. Uh-yup.

Hey, Eddie, can you help me with another not-so-famous duo? The Hand Puppet Mafia dumped these bodies in an old toybox, and I am desperate to identify them:

I hope this isn't too obnoxious. I've exhausted all avenues and I'm pretty sure this is the place to get answers. :) Thanks!!

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Spizz: Hmmmm... I can't figure it out! The boy looks like the kid on the Dutch Boy paint can label. The sea serpent...I just don't know!

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