Saturday, November 25, 2006

MIKE'S OBJECTIVE METHOD OF FILM CRITICISM

Mike is by far the most objective film critic that I know of. He has a great method and you don't have to be Mike to use it. Any reviewer using it will get the identical result regardless of educational or ethnic background, regardless of religious or ideological bias. Mike's method is scientific. Even a man from Mars would have no trouble using it. OK, here it is in the man's own words...

"First you add up all the female nude scenes (Hurray!). When you've done that you add up all the male nude scenes (Yuck!). Subtract the number of male nude scenes (Yuck!)from the number of female nude scenes (Hurray!) and voila, you have the numerical value of the fim! The higher the number the better! That's all there is to it!"

I feel so lucky to know Mike.

14 comments:

Marlo Meekins said...

mike just yells: "F&^%$ OFF" at the screen if something is not a naked girl or a funny or mean cartoon moment


hehaahaha i pretty much agree. always a fun time at mike's!

Marlo Meekins said...

hey eddie, i'm sorry i got really embarrassed when you complimented me, i should have just said thank you. I realized later it was kinda rude of me. <3

Nate Birch said...

I just downloaded a fine film from the Internet that by this rating method gets around 50 thumbs up...

Anonymous said...

cant go wrong with that method.

I actually think Ebert is the only critic around with a true passion for films so I hope the pic isnt a shot at him

Anonymous said...

all the people on John K's blog going I want to suck up to you and maybe get a job at your studio John! All South Park and Family guy is just juvenile pop culture references and ren and stimpy jokes! are pathetic

None of you could anything half as funny or insightful as those shows

Max Ward said...

Wow, Mike and I think so much alike.

NARTHAX said...

So Mike's system reveals that "Caligula" would be one of the best all-time mainstream films.

Anonymous said...

How's about "Salo"? ;D

Jorge Garrido said...

Do cartoons charatcers that don't wear pants count as nudes? If so, Naked Beach Frnexy ranks around a negative 5 or so.

Anonymous said...

Wow this means I've been watching quality films starring off the street actresses. I love those indie films I find off the internet ;)

Shitbitch said...

"None of you could anything half as funny or insightful as those shows"

Hey, why can't we see YOUR "marvelous" work?

Anonymous said...

maddox.xmission.com

mike f. said...

Thanks, Eddie - for sharing this system with the world. It's based on a brick wall of solid and objective logic, and is 100% foolproof.

Rex Reed uses the same system - in reverse, of course...

Arnaud Hilmarcher said...

Mike is a very wise fellow !